h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Unless, of course, it is less vintage and more vinegar.

Hey - a little more respect for the eternal embodiment of life's most valuable emotion, if you don't mind.

Do my eyes-n-ears deceive me!

Are we back in the presents of of the beauty Venus?...

It seems like it, but the question is - for how long?.

forty-two

Sidney, Potholer, how sweet of you to tend my forum for me. Let me show my warmest appreciation by offering you a drink. I've got a new barrel of scrumpy here, if you would care to sample a drop.

And Zebedee, for someone of your obvious taste, I wouldn't dream of serving anything less than the finest anti-freeze.

Hmmm...bit dusty round here...time for some spring cleaning I think, and perhaps a hearty meal for my good friends? *Venus steps into the bedroom and changes into her French maids outfit, then proceeds to knock up a gourmet meal and clean the cottage at once, only pausing to top up her guests glasses*

Would one of you kind gentlemen stoke the fire and light the candles for me?

*Potholer arranges some more logs on the fire, then sits back sipping his cider in silent contemplation as Sidney finishes lighting the innumerable scented candles. At least that strange duke seems to have disappeared, he thinks, though memories of those times are rather blurred.*

*Venus emerges from the kitchen into the soft flickering candlelight*

That's better gentlemen. You can't imagine how cold and bleak it is in the other kingdom. It's nice to come back to Earth. Sidney, would you open the wine, and perhaps Potholer could just check outside to see if there are any more guests?

*Venus returns to the kitchen to fetch the meal, pausing only to look through the window. Outside is dark and bleak, and the wind whistles round the old cottage. It reminds her of the night when Potholer first called on her hospitality*

The Duke catches himself staring at Venus with his mouth wide open. A sudden start in his voluminous body wakes him, and he shakes his head, as like wanting to rid an irritating bug. His eyes come to rest at the revolting sight of Sid, comfortbly seated in a luxurious armchair.*
Right! Where was I?! Right! Sid! You son of unmarried parents! Have a snifter to spare, do you?
*The Duke drops his hands and has a seat at the table.*

*The Duke catches himself staring at Venus with his mouth wide open. A sudden start in his voluminous body wakes him, and he shakes his head, as like wanting to rid an irritating bug. His eyes come to rest at the revolting sight of Sid, comfortbly seated in a luxurious armchair.*
Right! Where was I?! Right! Sid! You son of unmarried parents! Have a snifter to spare, do you?
*The Duke drops his hands and has a seat at the table.*

Dear Mr Duke, can you not relent for just a while?
Can you not show some restraint in front of the dear Venus?
Where are your mannars man!

Now sit down, shut up and eat you red faced, twizzle tashed bafoon!!

*Sid offers his hand to Venus in a gesture of warmth and friendship*

Whats the matter my sweet, you look tired and troubled from you travels? I for one will do anything to help, and I'm sure Potholer will as well.

The Duke, well I can't and don't wish to vouch for him!

*Venus takes Sid's hand and places it against her cheek. Closing her eyes, she contemplates the warmth and love that Sidney has shown her. She feels she shares a special closeness with him. She opens her eyes and looks deep into Sid's ponderous, concerned eyes. If only her mail still reached her...if only she could tell Sid all she wanted to...*

*A muffled cough reminds her they are not alone. She smiles warmly at Sid, then takes a seat beside The Duke. Taking his hand in hers, she talks softly in his ear. For a moment, his cheeks appear redder than when he was angry, then his face seems to contort into a shape Sid has never witnessed before. He smiles. Venus flashes a brief smile at Sid, before going to fetch some wine.*

*The two men sit at the table in total silence. The Duke looks increasingly uncomfortable. Sid is some what bemused but quietly pleased with himself.*

*Wine can be heard being poured from the kitchen. Sid polishes the back of a silver spoon on the sleeve of his jacket, and then chuckles to himself at the distorted reflection of the Duke in the spoon.*

*Zeb lounged quietly in the corner, enjoying the surreal ambiance through a fog of fine armagnac*

Drink up and be merry Zeb, it can only get better!

*But it didn't, it only got worse

In what way, dear Sir?