h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...said the goddess to the mortal...

*Bedraggled potholer stumbles in, pursued by driving rain. Slams door, shivering uncontrollably. Looks up, and stops, transfixed by divine beauty. Blushes, stares at own feet, begins to mumble*

'Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. I was just looking for some shelter until...'

*Looks longingly at blazing fire, sees pair of mugs next to steaming teapot, table set for two*

'Ummm.. err.. Looks like you're waiting for... Maybe it'd be better if I just...'

*Shuffles shyly towards door, leaving trail of mud, braces self for return to cold and darkness*

*Venus looks concerned*

Oh, you poor thing...you're wet through and through. Come over here by the fire. Let's get those wet things off of you.

*helps potholer out of wet clothing, and offers a soft cosy blanket*

Would you care for a cup of tea...or maybe something stronger? I can see you're in need of warming up. Why don't I run you a nice warm bath with some essential oils, and you can relax and get cleaned up while I make a spot of dinner? I always enjoy company, and this is an unexpected, but lovely surprise.

*Venus wraps potholer in blanket, takes clothes away to wash, runs fragrant steaming bath, and sets about preparing a small feast*

Have you any preferences?

Viccy xxx

*Still slightly uncertain, potholer softly replies*

'Oh, Some soup and a little bread would be wonderful, I'm a little too tired for anything heavy tonight. Maybe some rum and hot lemon afterwards? I don't want to put you to any trouble. I'd better get in that bath.'

*He gazes again at Venus, and sees her warm, wise smile as she hands him a bathrobe. Feeling almost insignificant, yet at the same time incredibly fortunate, potholer goes for his bath. Slipping through the insulating bubbles into the fragrant water, he tries to convince himself he's not dreaming. His aching muscles gradually relax, his breathing finally slows. Even the pain from the bruises and grazes on his warming limbs feels vaguely pleasant. Reinvigorated, he dries off, slips on the robe, and returns to the main room, where Venus stands, still smiling calmly*

'Oh, really, you shouldn't have', he says, as she seats him at the candlelit table.

*The thick soup and warm crusty bread would normally make him sleepy, but tonight, he has more than enough reason to stay awake. A large mug of tea follows, and, with the second course of cheese and biscuits, helps to fill the remaining corners.*

*As they leave the table, and prop themsleves up on the rugs and cushions in front of the fire, there's still a small part of his logical mind struggling to find the right thing to say, but a look into her eyes silences his thoughts.
The more he gazes at her, the more he knows that the creature before him defies real understanding, yet equally, he feels that any attempt to understand her would surely not go unrewarded. She instinctively knows so many things forever beyond his comprehension. He tries to think what she might see when she looks at him, it must be so much less.*

*Venus watches potholer affectionately, and relaxes by the fire enjoying his convivial company*

You look very thoughtful...what are you thinking my love?

Vic xx

*Brought back from his daydreaming, he realises he'd better start being a little better company. Total inferiority, however justfied it sometimes felt, isn't going to get him anywhere. He gazes over at her again for a few seconds, and quickly probes his mind for more moderate thoughts*

Sorry, I was miles away, staring into the firelight, you know, just replaying today's adventures in my mind's eye, and thinking how lucky I was to happen upon this place, and, of course, you. Besides, I always get a little dozy when I eat so well on an empty stomach, but I'm starting to wake up now.

*He stretches, reaches across to her outstretched hand, and tenderly holds it between his. He looks into her eyes again. Wise women always did seem harder to fathom the more positive and generous they behaved. He never could tell how much their positivity reflected their opinion of him, or just their nature. Whooops - nearly starts getting all gooey inside again. Better start acting a little more typically male, at least until he can work out where she's coming from. With a great mental effort, he wrestles the bulk of his brain still wondering at her gorgeousness into temporary silence. Still he really needs reinforcements....*

You've been so hospitable - thank you so much for the wonderful supper - but now it's settled a little, would there be any chance of that something stronger you mentioned earlier? A glass of red wine, or a shot of rum or vodka would be fantastic, but anything's fine.
Don't you find it a bit isolated living out here on your own - you do live on your own, don't you?

*Venus crosses the room and opens the front of the large mirror-fronted flush-fitting drinks cabinet, elegantly designed to blend into the decor. She pours two drinks and returns to potholer's side, offering him a generously filled glass*

Now then...what did you want to know? There's just myself and my sisters, who are also me, living here. But there is never any reason to be lonely. I often have visitors...though.....

*she pauses and smiles at potholer*

...you seem more full of thoughts and untold mysteries than many I meet. Please tell me of your adventures...

*Venus settles back on the cushions, sipping her wine, and watches potholer with a gaze of serene anticipation*

*Beginning to believe now that she might consider him more than just debris blown in by the storm, potholer starts to feel secure. That, or his pessimistic side had been charmed into submission by her Mona Lisa smile. Either way... He looked into the flames and began*

Well, where to start...? I suppose it all stems from a love of mountains - there's something about them that's important, almost spiritual, and so *real* - and real in a way that most of the rest of reality can't match. I can manage for a time if life keeps me apart from them, but even when they're miles away, I still need to believe in my heart they exist somewhere in order to feel happy. Too long away, and life becomes mere existence. It's hard to describe, but even just sitting in their company, and gazing dreamily at them gives me immense joy.

*He turned away from the fire to reach for his glass. As he lifted it, he saw a brief wave of realisation cross her face, and was relieved to see they both knew he wasn't _just_ talking about mountains*

What kind of things would you really like me to tell you about, he said, moving a little closer to her side

*As she hesitated, from some small corner of his mind came a whisper of doubt. Something about this whole encounter seemed a little unreal. It wasn't that it seemed too good to be true, more that it was such a close match to omne of the softer threads of his romantic imagination.

Maybe everything was as it seemed, or maybe he was really shivering in a ditch, and this was just some comforting fantasy. He tried to think about waking up, but nothing happened.
Not that he was sure he would want to wake anyway - he knew his subconscious was way smarter than even he was, and wouldn't decide to escape reality without a compelling reason. Maybe it was better to go along with everything until something happened one way or another.

Still, for all he knew, he might be mumbling away in a fever dream somewhere. Who _knows_ who might be listening. Better keep things warm and cuddly and nurturing. He *really* wouldn't want to wake up having just explained his innermost secrets to Dave the hospital cleaner from Dagenham*

*Vic gently places her palm on potholer's forehead*

You have a slight fever I think. You should get some rest now. *she fetches a blanket, and throws some more logs on the fire*

You may stay here as long as you wish. I only ask that you will let me see you well again before you go? Now sleep. You have had a tiring day. We will talk more tomorrow, if you are quite well.

*Venus kisses potholer softly on the temples, and retires to a comfy chair, where she can watch over her patient the long night*

*With fatigue and alcohol conspiring to overcome his higher mental functions, his true animal nature is finally unchained. He stretches briefly, sniffs the air, curls up around a particularly fine furry cushion, and nestles down, purring softly.
The fire settles, and he startles momentarily, but the room is so suffused with peace and warmth, even with closed eyes he knows Venus is still there*

*As his body calls in the auto-repair department to start work on the day's damage, images of sensually carved passageways and magical Alpine caverns flicker across the remains of his mind. A whiff of woodsmoke transports him back to high summer in the Rockies. Finally, he sighs, and drops into a deep sleep*

*Venus watches over potholer with a soft smile, until tiredness overcomes her, and she falls into a light sleep...still aware of her surroundings, but with mind and body at rest*

*Within his cosy dream, he felt his corporeal self slipping away for a couple of weeks. He hoped Venus would keep an eye on his emotional being while the remainder of him was away from her divine presence. He'd try to return sooner, but it seemed unlikely*

xx

*Venus, still concerned at potholer's state of corporeal health, knows that she will be with him in spirit, and hopes their time of separation with be a joyful and peaceful one for him*

Fare thee well.

Vic xxx

*Sid standing outside the closed door, he can smell the hot bath water sented with lavender. He knows Venus has company so hesitates and starts to walk away*

*Vensu hears a faint sound outside and opens door to see Sidney creeping awat*

Sid! Why didn't you knock? Come on in. There's a roaring fire, and it's not nice out there tonight. How do you like my country retreat?

Oh...oh...sorry Venus...... Err... I can see you have company, I don't want to intrude.

*As he speaks, he trips over a pair of potholeing boots which have been left on the steps. The boots spin off into the night. Sid stumbles to the ground, falling into the snow drift at the bottom of the steps.*

*Venus rushes barefoot into the snow, and mustering all her power, scoops Sidney up into her arms and carries him inside. She places him by the fire and fetches him a pint of cider*

'Tis the season to be merry, and my door is always open to you Sidney, you know. *Venus motions towards the mantelpiece* Do you like my lovely Christmas cards?

Vic xxx

*Sidney is by the fire now, warming his hands against the roaring fire. He looks around the room decorated in traditional christmas cheer. In the bath in the corner of the room is a naked man deep in sleep.*

Venus, is he all right?.
*Sid sips his Cider and smiles warmly at Venus*

Oh Venus, your feet my dear, they are red!!. Come over here sweety, let me rub them for you.....

*What a magical rest, he thought. Just time to roll over for a few more minutes of sleep before I wake up properly, and see the fair Venus again*

*Roll... Slide... Splash...? Glug...??? Flail... HELP!!*