h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This morning I was a knight defending my castle. My soiled and ill-used threshold had been cleaned and polished once again after months of neglect. Those were months which began in despair but, slowly, I recovered from the last attack and gathered my strength. The result of my regained good spirits was that I tended my threshhold once again, and made it beautiful, sparkling, and inspiring.

Then the monsters returned. I could hear their roaring from afar, but I have heard this many times when they did not come near my door, thus I failed to put up my guard. Relaxed in my rooms, tending to my daily work, I heard a sound that brought the enemy to the forefront of my attention. I rushed to arm myself and ran to the door just in time. They nearly succeeded in their evil plans, but I flung the door open and made my battle cry, "Stop!" I screamed over their viscious roaring, "Begone from my gate, torture me no further!" I was hit with the full force of the flinging grime that is this monster's weapon. I flung arrows of derision more poisoned than I had ever used before.

In surprise, the monsters and their evil masters retreated a short distance. They were still close enough, however, for me to smell the foul stench of their internal combustion breath. My arrows kept them back as I weilded my broom, vanquishing the grime that nearly spoiled my precious threshhold. I shot one last arrow and told them never to return to my gate, or I would be forced to punish them again.

After I returned to my rooms, I heard their roar very close as if they would test me, but they must have thought better of it, and moved on. I will not rest until these monsters, the Leaf Blowers, are banished forever.