h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome good Knights. Rest your bones by the fire, take a hearty slug of Kumquat brandy, and let us hear once more some tales of dark days and brave deeds...

Twas not brilig, no, the slithey toves no longer gied and gimboled in their wabe. Neither were the borigroves mimsey, nor the momewrats outgabe. Fear not Kettering, my son, for there was slewn the Jaberwock. There was smote the Bandersnatch! There the Tum Tum trees have been chopped down, to nurish the earth's soil, making way for kumquat after kumquat tree, rising verily into the sky, their roots sinking truely into the mother earth, suckling the nourishment of Tum Tum matter and Jaberwock remains! 'Twas Albert Kumquaton the Fifth of Scotch, The Mighty Furless Sewer Rat, First in a great line of Wonderous Balding Rodents, who slew and smote and hacked his way through malicious Kettering to make a home where his Knights could spend their days.

Amen!!

(falls on the ground quivering)

I have been smitten with the spirit!

Er, spirits, that is....specifically of Kumquat Brandy...

Wow. I guess that was a potent story!

....and from the heights of Wellingborough, a mighty storm cloud did gather, all black, blue and brooding. Lightning flashed upon the barren plains of Northamptonshire as the floods rolled down from the heavens.And with the rain, the Knights...

Orang of vetement, furious of visage, they erupted upon once quiet surrounds of Northampton, like a very boil whose time had come. And the seas did rage and boil in torment and the rivers did run red with the blood of heretics..

The townsfolk of Wicksteed called upon their gods, yet it was in vain

aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee.........

The poetry, the pathos, the dead dogs

And something once thought dead, now revived...

Though probably better left dead, rotting and smelly...

Talking about dead, rotting and smelly.......

A brother and sister on the French island of Reunion who cannot bear to be separated from their deceased mother are forbidden from keeping her corpse in a glass-fronted freezer at their home.

This comes weeks after their proposal to have her installed in a rocking chair in the attic overlooking their motel was also thrown out of court.

Joelle Leroy, 50, and her 52-year-old brother Michel are both unmarried and deeply devoted to their mother, who through years of taunting and humiliation, was deeply devoted to keeping her children unmarried.

Their decision to preserve their mother was inspired by the matriarch
herself, who for many years kept her meek husband's testicles and backbone in her icy, icy grip.

But a court ruled Monday that, "The conservation of a dead person through freezing is not considered as a way of treating a body in the eyes of the law." Many feel this ruling is at the core of the deep-seated hatred the French have for Eurodisney.

The body of Lise Leroy has been kept in a morgue freezer in Reunion since she died last July, where she is reported to be slightly less ripe that your average living French person.