h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Other than my ludicrous, all-encompassing paranoia, I try to hide my mental oddities and quirks as best as I can. As such, my fears stay hidden from most. ESPECIALLY close friends and family. Model of mental health I am.

Anyway, to begin with: I wish to address my elders directly. Specifically, those elders who've always told me since I was, oh, let's say eight (possibly much younger), that I need to live life to the fullest, get out there and take chances, make use of opportunities, etc., etc.

While I know such a message is well-intentioned...heck, it's a really important one, no question about that...the near constant reminders I had really ate at me, and gave me this weird perpetual fear that I was wasting time.

It wasn't a *huge* problem for most of it...in general, it's just little things that cause it to pop up. Going through certain poems in English classes, certain remorseful songs, etc.

At the moment, though, I'm getting too many reminders. First, my sister has officially decided that Death Cab For Cutie's "Sound of Settling" is her favorite song, and will ocntinue to be so until the CD is damaged through overuse. This song, which is all *about* a guy growing old as he passes on the choices in his life, is not helping.

And then, my sister goes through 20th century poetry in her English class. Naturally, this leads her to Mr. Prufrock, T. S. Elliot's announcement that he was storming the poetry world. This also doesn't help.

Then she starts comparin' the song to the poem noticing the similiarities, starting a personal writing project, which naturally requires research, meaning more listening to the song than normal while also reading passages of Prufrock's love song out loud.

...it's really startin' to gnaw at me.

Since this has happened, I've entered a vicious cycle. I can't focus on my writing, because that's wasting time I could be spending looking for a job. I can't focus on finding a better job, because that's wasting time that I'm trying to spend at my current job which, while not great, is better than nothing. But whenever I spend time focussing on that, I worry about all the writing I could be doing.

I've not felt quite this tense about the passage of time since the time when I was regretting how fast Summer goes by before I'd even started taking my finals before Summer break could begin.

I tend to assume that this level of anxiety isn't healthy, and some relaxation would be in order. Sadly, relaxing is exactly what I realistically don't have time for what with all the writing, working, and work-seeking that I need to be doing instead.

Oh -

Let me introduce you to Leo Mathiesen - in Denmark a famous jazz pianist and singer, his hundredth birthday celebrated last year.

His most well known songs are ”Take it easy” ("Take it easy, boy boy Go to your BAR, smoke a cigar. Take it easy, boy boy Let the other make the hard work for you") and ”To be or not to be” ("that's the question - but not for me ....(because I'm in love)).

It is very stressing for young people to have so many possibillities and choices, so many options and roads to be able to follow. Impossible to try it all or to be able to foresee what is the right choice.

(I'm not sarcastic. My youngest children are 21 and 18).

I some way you have to find enjoyment, pride and satisfaction in what you are doing right now. Never mind the grass is greener over the hill. Chasing the best party this saturday night, figuratively speaking, may find you at three or four parties - but in each you will not enjoy the one' in which you are partaking but think of the next one.

Oh, I got a poen for you: The Road Not Taken. Cannot remember by who - and now I have to drag my son out of bed - school is up.

The point is, if you at a certain time is not satisfied with you choices - there are other possibillities out there.

- this is all I have tinme for now.

The Road not Taken is by Robert Frost.

You made me think of Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle", another song about missed opportunities.

Sometimes I think we struggle with choices because we have too many choices and a wealth of opportunities. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to best deal with that. I'm still trying to figure out want I want to be when I grow up. The best I can do is offer you .

I should have spent more time on my posting - and previewed/edited/rewritten. Hopefully you'll get some sense out of it.

Nah, Robert Frost's poem doesn't help me. It's a poem about a guy who has the same problem I do in the same ridiculous way: he can never be sure if the road he took was really the one that he wanted to take, and he'll never really get the chance to try the other one under exactly the same circumstances ever again.

I'm passed crisis mode, I think. A good night's sleep seems to have largely gotten the song unstuck from my head.

Well my point in pointing out the poem - which I drew at my English oral examen 40 years ago - is the lesson I learned from it. Enjoy what you are doing - be happy, do it to your own satisfaction/with the best you've got and be proud of it - and don't waste precious time on regrets and what ifs.

It doesn't mean you should not dream, imagine and set new goals. .

Glad to hear that a good night's sleep got you past the crisis.

Ow-ish. Glad to hear you've gotten the song unstuck from your head, at least ...

I agree with tartaronne's interp of Frost: It's a poem about making your choice and accepting that you have given up one thing but also gained something else. The key (I imagine) to living life to the fullest is to *not* worry about whether what you're doing right now is a waste of time, or a bad choice, but to make your decision and enjoy what comes of that. The only time truly wasted is time spent regretting what you did not do, or what you will not get to do.

As for whether to spend time on work, looking for work, or writting, I'd say work while you're at work, set aside time while you're at home to write and look for another job. As for what kind of job to look for? It's often said that no one ever proclaims on their death-bed that they wish they'd spent more time at the office. Your goal should be to find a job you care about enough that you potentially *could* say you wish you'd spent more time at the office.

I don't wish I spent more time at the office... but on occasion I wish I didn't spend so much of my time at the office posting here

Oh, I don't disagree with tartaronne's interpretation of the poem. I'm just sayin' that the poem doesn't help that much because of its themes.

Like I said, it's a totally irrational fear. Even though I know fully well in my mind that it has no justification, it bugs me anyway, and some triggers make that level of bugginess more extreme than others. It was only so very troubling this time because of the very lengthy discussions and quotations of Prufrock and Settling that were being tossed about for more than an hour.