h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How does one go about forgetting the past? What I mean is: Everything that one goes through, good and bad, in life makes them who they are. Unfortunately, the past affects the present. My past with other women, specifically the ex-wife, is having a very bad effect on me right now. J and I are at that point in our relationship where, in the past, I have gotten very badly hurt. To say that I am a little paranoid right now would be understating things a bit. It is to the point where I am afraid it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy, though I am doing my damndest to ensure that doesn't happen.

I have told J of these thoughts/feelings, I am not sure that I was fully understood though. Her response was that we need to forget what has happened in the past and start anew. While I understand what she is saying and would love to do just that, I have to ask: how does one forget oneself?

Comments?

I don't think it is about forgetting the past. I think a better approach is to realize that every individual makes their own choices in how they will behave and that you should not assume that J will make the same choices that the ex did. And when something happens that makes you hesitate, you should talk about it with J to get her perspective on the situation.

Ben, Witty has given you good advise. You aren't going to ever forget your past experiences. The trick is to not let them so influence you that you ruin your chances for future happiness. That is easier said than done sometimes. But talking about it with J, which you've already started to do, is really the best approach.

I agree with Witty and Hyp - discussing your fears and worries with J is the best way to go.
And yes - perhaps it is time to draw a line under the past and look forward.
Of course past experiences are bound to colour how you look at situations - you've just been terribly unlucky in what's happened to you before.
You deserve to have happiness and to enjoy a loving and fulfilling relationship with J.
You're a good person and you deserve this.

Thanks Witty, Hyp, and Teuchter. I decided awhile ago that I need to put the past, specifically, the ex, behind me. It is very difficult to do, I find myself looking at situations and thinking "this is what happened the last time I was here."

As for luck, perhaps it is not a matter of bad luck that I went through those situations. I appreciate J so much more than I probably would had I not gone through them.