h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd like to apply for the position of "wicked spirit," as long as "serious" doesn't mean I have to be _too_ serious. If it does, then I'll go for "silly prophet" instead.

I'd be glad to consider you for either position. Wicked spirits don't have to be all together too serious, just more so than a silly person would be. Do you have any qualifications? How wicked or silly have you been? Is it Lupa or Mirabilis for short?

Well...I have been accused by many people of being extremely wicked and extremely silly, although, as with so many things, I can't offhand think of any examples. Hence I am now undertaking to survey my dormmates, who are telling me I have "many sadistic qualities" and "hit people incessantly for no reason" and that I am generally evil. I wear the color black pretty much exclusively, for many, many reasons of which I am not certain which one is correct, and I recently participated in a bed-stealing scheme. Further references I hope to be able to provide in a few hours.

Sounds like you're a very promising candidate for Wicked Spirit, not to mention the only one at this time! I wonder though, how good are you at smiting?

Hmmmm...I haven't had much practice with smiting, but I do whack people quite a bit, and jab them in sensitive spots with pointy objects, and occasionally claw them (I have nice long nails.) Mostly I only whack or claw them when they get on my nerves, but the poking is a hobby and I therefore get a lot of practice in that area.

Very nice. I heartily approve of poking, especially when the person really needs it. I suppose I shouldn't approve too heartily, wouldn't want people thinking I was rooting for the other side and all, but if you still want it, the position of "Wicked SPirit" is all yours. I hope you enjoy the prestige it brings, being part of a major religion and all.

Oh, I do. But I just read your posting in the other conversation in this forum, saying that the job of the serious types is to spoil things for the silly types. I hope this means we don't get to be silly ourselves when the occasion calls for it....

Of course some silliness is definitely called for in daily life, just don't tell anyone you're doing it and you should be fine. Also realize that the silly types need some sort of opposition or the world would be full of our silliness. The serious type simply like to keep things orderly and on track. It also pays for them to be a bit devious now and again, to get the job done you see.

Hmmmm...well, I suppose I can attempt to keep things orderly and on track. If I don't turn out to be good at that, can I still take a shot at the position of "silly prophet"?

I'm God in disguise (I'm signed on to a friend's computer) As for keeping things orderly, I suppose you can if you feel you must, but you must realize that if you *really* take the position seriously, which is of course in your nature, then the earth-bound types seem to get all flustered. So as long as it looks like you're working, you'll be fine. Said earth-bound types think this means that us in power are corrupt, but if we actually did anything monumentous, *somebody* would complain. (We do really need to be rid of THEM, but don't overload yourself. Of course if you can rustle up some help, feel free to tackle it!)

All right, I suppose I ought to be able to handle it. As for getting rid of Them, I think I can see a way to take some small steps in that direction, but it could take quite a while. Meanwhile, do I have any other assignments?

Not at the moment. I'll see if I can come up with something. Unfortunately, it looks like the Devilish Fiend may be coming up for retirement, and so I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it. Do think I should open the position to all applicants? Or should I fill it from within (Move everyone in the serious side of things up one spot-you'd become son of devilish fiend, unless you'd prefer to keep your present position.)

Hummm. What would be the job description?

Well interestingly enough, Ross won't give up the position of "Son of Devilish Fiend." Got a busy life, you know, can't take on the extra responsibility, so I'm afraid I'm stuck. If you want to move up 2 notches, I suppose that would work, although you are new to the organization. The position of "Devilish Fiend" is very rigorous, must keep up all that seriousness, you know. At the same time, you'd have to get in bits of sillyness here and there, though disguise it well as poking, prodding, and general making of uncomfortable feelings. You'll have to learn to live with the fact that, as God, I'm the only reall all-powerful one and such. (That can be very hard on a "Devilish Fiend" who has a strong desire to give the post everything they've got.) Do you think you're up to it?

I've decided I'll give it a shot;
After all, I say, why the hell not?
If you think I'm a slob
And am bad at the job
You can stick me back in my old spot.

(Sorry. I just returned from another forum where I was posted to in limerick form and found myself frustratingly unable to respond in kind. This is my compensation.)

Well then! Going for the whole bit, eh? I suppose its only right for the Devilish Fiend to have gobs of ambition and the like. Good luck, oh adversary!

(Although if you are a slob, that's kind of silly and you'll be immediately demoted!)

D'oh. What if I have very serious reasons for being a slob?

Well you see, although I can sympathize, you must understand that the serious-types (that's you) need to keep the world in order to be proper adversaries to the silly types (that's me). I suppose it would depend on the type of slobbishness, which means I'll have to consider on a case-by-case basis. (And I so love unrealistic generalizations!) Oh well, have it your way. (I guess you're doing well at your new post, you've already put out my sillyness fire! It's one of thos eternal types though, so don't worry )

Hmmm...well, one serious reason for being a slob is to keep my enemies from finding whatever they're looking for, if they should ever happen to be looking for anything. This way only I know what's where. Also, only my little section of the world is disorderly; I try to keep the rest of the world as orderly as possible (as witness my constant correcting of other people's errors.)

Resume of Ubiquitous the first

Applying for the lofty position of Silly Prophet reporting directly to God

My CV
I am ephemeral and have little substance (none really)
I believe Dole would make a good president (if he only had the ingredients).
I was dropped from the movie Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest thus changing the title.
My hobbies are dry cleaning, ingredient estimation, and rubber cement
My IQ is either 7006 or 12 (I can't remember which)
I failed college twice before finding out that black markers are not good for highlighting.
I finally graduated magna cum loudly in 1997 with a major in Spam Preparation
I invented pork sushi in 1998, as a result, I served three years at Fulsom for Manslaughter and my restaurant license was taken away, leaving me without employment, hence my application for the present position. I am on parole but I'm allowed out during the day and could perform my duties then

I believe I could do a bang-up job as silly prophet as I can clearly see the future whenever I bang my head with my magic mallet of prophecy (the future contains many stars as well as some whirly things but no birds or alligators, strange).

Thank You God for your kind indulgence and for considering me for this post (and also for the puppy)