h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thanks for sharing that, Loony. I'm sure it'll come in useful..

Sorry TGU, but Skelly has no competition. I swore to him that I'd have him or die alone. But of course you are a friend!

Baths equalled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Are you sure this is all entirely necessary?

Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
pets - dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs - lived in
the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals
would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats
and dogs."

And people sowed their vests and underpants together as they never changed them and it made them warmer

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies.

This is really widening my horizons....

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt,
hence the saying "dirt poor".

The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way, hence a "thresh hold".

No No No! I come here to get away from lessons constantly hammering in my head...

So where's the living history lesson?

They cooked in the kitchen in a big kettle that always hung over the
fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They
mostly ate vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a month. Hence the rhyme: peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

~sarcastically~Amazing...

Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man "could really bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

A bit like we are doing, I suppose

*yawn*

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid
content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food. This happened
most often with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes...for 400
years!

I don't wanna do this but the situation is becoming extreme...

*rugby tackles Loony, bringing him crashing to the floor*

~standing over Loony~Sorry! I hope you're not *too* hurt...

Loony rises groggily from the floor. Inspects carpet burns on arms. Bleeding profusely our hero doggedly continues the lesson.

Most people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of
wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trenchers were never
washed and a lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off
wormy trenchers, they would get "trench mouth."

Oh God! I don't think I have the guts to hurt you anymore!

*punches Loony very gently on the nose*

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the
"upper crust".

Um..um...um...

*knees Loony softly in the....*