h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i would like to make one thing clear-
i can be found, on any given thursday night, hunched in a corner, scribbling hurridly the thoughts which flood my mind: my deepest passions and desires, my greatest hopes and dreams, my most private and perverted fantasies, into what is commonly refered to as a 'journal'. as a result, this 'journal' is fundamentally comprised of lists of people whose personalities, points of views and general existences, i feel would be much improved with a bit of the good old fashioned Death
THUS, This here h2g2 journal will be far removed from the likes of what you would expect from your average bedroom-variety, death-wish-list, journal. (lest any of the listees should stumble upon it and get it in their heads that they can escape my wrath simply by fleeing to a geographically isolated location, tolerating bowel-shakingly harsh climates and surviving soley on moss and ice - IF ONLY)
so i shall be resorting to lists of things like TOP TEN WAYS TO FILL A NOSTRIL WITH GRAVY and the always popular HOW TO STAY OFF OF AN APPLE TREE'S People To Smack With a Housbrick List - IN 47 EASY STEPS

Please make up a list for me. I am severly lacking in serious lists lately.

Yes, lists, lots of lists please.

I could do with a list too. Or maybe three. Yes, three list for me would be good.