h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hmmm.... I rather liked that train idea....

*starts directing workpersons, installing marble counter tops, large ovens, big refrigerators and freezers, plenty of cupboards... and a model railway line with a complicated box of switches and buttons and a large notice reading "DO NOT TOUCH THIS ON PAIN OF KITTY"..... next set of workpeople carry through the pots and pans and replenish the cupboards with all sorts of interesting food stuffs*

You're still going to leave a button there? Visible? With a sign saying do not press? Hmmm...

Aaah well, it's nice and clean in here isn't it, no dippylodocus remains or anything

the button only powers the trains though - and they won't load up without my okay

Still seems a bit risky if you ask me...I'm quite sure they could break it given the chance

It is a children's train - should withstand them for a goodly long time

Hmmm, I guess even they can't destroy a kids train
BTW when your kitchens fully operational again what are you likely to be serving?

nice food
but I am still recovering from camp... the first meal after returning was home delivery pizza and chocolate

*gets on his knees and takes a deep breath*

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry,

*wakes up, opens one 8 pound eyelid, rapidly closes it again, and tries to think of a good excuse...two hours pass*

Oh Hi Ændr, how's the sheep tics? Did you hear about the USAF mistaking the servery for a Chinese Embassy Powdered Milk Factory where Saddam was hiding?

*listens to the stony silence, broken only by the sound of stony rocks bouncing off his head. Gives up and throws himself at the feet of Ændr, causing a minor earthqquake in Milton Keynes which topples one concrete cow onto a myopic Frenchman from Metz just as he was about to set it alight. As he expired he gave one final groan,"Watch out for the Udder, man" had been his final thought. But that's another story

The Blubber blubbers..*

Please forgive me Ændr, I know not what I do. Let her that is without the temptation to push buttons, despite all warnings to the contrary, cast the first stone. *notices bumps on his head* Oh, you already have I see. Ah well in the words of Menza "soryr, srory, syorr ... damn, 'Sorry' really is the hardest word"

Sorry

*wakes up, opens one 8 pound eyelid, rapidly closes it again, and tries to think of a good excuse...two hours pass*

Oh Hi Ændr, how's the sheep tics? Did you hear about the USAF mistaking the servery for a Chinese Embassy Powdered Milk Factory where Saddam was hiding?

*listens to the stony silence, broken only by the sound of stony rocks bouncing off his head. Gives up and throws himself at the feet of Ændr, causing a minor earthqquake in Milton Keynes which topples one concrete cow onto a myopic Frenchman from Metz just as he was about to set it alight. As he expired he gave one final groan,"Watch out for the Udder, man" had been his final thought. But that's another story

The Blubber blubbers..*

Please forgive me Ændr, I know not what I do. Let her that is without the temptation to push buttons, despite all warnings to the contrary, cast the first stone. *notices bumps on his head* Oh, you already have I see. Ah well in the words of Menza "soryr, srory, syorr ... damn, 'Sorry' really is the hardest word"

Sorry

Sorry!

Couldn't see the "Post Message" button for the coniferous forest.

Sorry really isn't the hardest wood.

Now that is true sincerity.

yep, straight from the heartwood.

hmm, I suppose you could say it was a Scots pine

You could but then I think that no-one would hear due to the loud mumbles of complaint
Anyway how did you manage to get the forest into here?

May I have an mhSausage Pie with liquid helium gravy please?

In the best Blue Peter tradition, I made it from three million matches and some stegosaur mucus.

Now will someone please tell me what to do with these three rolls of stickyback plastic and 15 washing up liquid bottles.

Err, on second thoughts, don't bother.

Ooops! What'll Tinkerbell do, if she discovers they're Fairy Liquid bottles?

*takes a broom and clears out the rubbish that has already accreted*

*sees obvious joke, fingers twitch, restrains herself incase of being liquidised*
Hmmmm, so tempting...
*realises this isn't going to work so gags herself until someone else speaks first*
mmmmph ummph mmmm mmph hmmph
*sits giggling to herself*

Confucius he say, "Time to clean out kitchen when leftovers make guests gag."

*grabs liquidiser, goes to wash out frog remains, remembers he's male and doesn't know how to work the kitchen taps, empties frog remains into a passing fly in an ironic gesture*

Go ahead Tinkerbell, just as long as this isn't a "... can't mow the lawn joke."

I can't mow the lawn, I don't have one.