h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, not the buttons. Anything but the buttons, we always get into alsorts of trouble if we start playing with buttons.

I'm afraid you're too late Menza, I've already pressed it, but due to low nicotine, caffeine and ice cream levels it may be 3am before I am in a fit state to think of the dire consequences of my actions.

It may be 3am now, cos you did press the button.

Umm... *the timeslide roars into life and snatches the workbench away to the doughnut stall*

*shuts down again*

OH MY GOD, Ændr is going to kill me.

Hey is that Sir Robert Baden Dinosaur over there? Maybe we could ask him what to do?

*starts getting in a flap*

But, it just vanished. Where are we going to get a replacement.

Sir Bobosaur says that all we need is three million matches, stegosaur mucus and some sticky back plastic and we'll be able to make a counter shaped like HMS Victory

There, the perfect workbench. *points* There's Hardy kissing Nelson just at the tomato sauce stain, and the little cannons fire as well. Look..

*fires cannon and workbench collapses into three million matches*

Oh dear, I knew we were short of something. Menza, could you check the ashtrays in the pub and see if you can find any stegosaur mucus? Thanks I'll start rebuilding this.

What's that Bobosaur? You think we should build a workbench in the shape of the Forth Rail Bridge? What a great idea! Ændr will be really pleased with the little trains taking food across it.

*Starts building*

An alternative is popping down to the doughnut stall and grabbing the workbench

Ha, you obviously have no appreciation of artistic kitchen work. Did Damien Hirst go searching for the other half of his cow?

And what if someone else has already pressed the button? Do we then frisk every kangaroo in Oz if it ends up in a pouch? This thread could get very silly.

Let's go fot it. You check out the doughnut stall, I'll cover you with my matchwork kilt.

Oh dear... I just remembered. The timeslide at the doughnut stall is broken. It malfunctioned because someone tried to slide an mhCHUD.

Doughnuts? How can you mention doughnuts at a time like this? Ændr'll do her nut on me'n'Menza if she finds her kitchen like this. In fact if you come back next week she'll have torus apart.

Anyway the timeslide that was here functioned perfectly well and I noticed it was still under guarantee. Just call Mastercare if there are any problems and they'll confirm that their (blind/deaf/dumb/drunk/all of the above) technicians can find no traceable fault so there's obviously nothing wrong with it. Hey presto a working timeslide.

*spots the gravy boat and places it under the half constructed rail bridge in an artistic flourish*

Hmm, I wonder if I can make artificial stegosaur mucus by pumping something thru this gravy? It might work if I use nitrous oxide. Naw, then Ændr would kill me for turning her gravy into a laughing stock.

*starts hyperventilating*

But, but, but, she'll know.

*flutters in*

Looks like you guys need some fairy dust, right mess you've made in here and look at all the matches on the floor that's not very safe is it, Wumbeevil what've you done...and Menza I'm suprised to see you in somewhere so untidy Aaah well I guess it's none of my business and you look like you're having fun so I'd better use my magic somewhere else...

*flutters out*

I think someone's just put the sparkly boot in.

*spots Sir Robert Baden Dinosaur in the corner*

Errr, Sir Bobosaur, you didn't happen to have a stegosaur, preferably with a cold, for breakfast did you?

Greetings all. Someone gimme a drink. I've just finished my masters dissertation.

Your master will rub your nose in something unpleasant if he finds out you've eaten his custard.

Do you know anything about building workbenches with matches, by any chance?

*pours , but spills half cos he is still in sucha flap*

Sorry.

*flutters in again*
You've not got very far have you?
*surveys the devastation*
Honestly, you guys seem to be somewhat lacking in the DIY furniture department. Having finally put together the flat packed barbecue which I bought in July I now feel I qualify as a fully trained carpenter *considers singing, decides now is not the time*

Do you need any help? *doesn't wait for an answer* right who's got the phillips head screwdriver...and where's the hammer gone?

Oh btw Wumbeevil I think he may have finished his dissertation rather than his dessert, you're confusing food with work again...I however, get my rissoles on Thursday and I'm quite excited about the fact, hopefully they'll serve them with chips to