h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chocolate cake
turkey escalopes in a cream and white wine sauce served with rice, green beans and mushrooms
or pan fried mediteranean vegetables served with a tomato and red wine sauce and rice
carrot and lentil soup with freshly baked white bread

I'll have all of that twice please Ændr. It smells delicious.

vegetarian or carniverous option?

Omnivorous please.

*timid knock at door*

Sorry I'm a trifle late, but I had to have a bath after all that time in the sewers. I just hope you don't have to dress for dinner in this fine establishment.

Ændr, could I have the vegetarian asparagus please.

*sits down and strategically positions a napkin*

asparagus? no, read the menu

I'm blind. Hold on, praise the Lord, a braille screen has just landed on my desk.

Right, Read the Fine Menu Wumbeevil. Ah, I feel where I went wrong.

Can I have carnivorous bread please?

Does the Chocolate cake come with Chocolate?

Gedge

Does Sam Allardyce manage Bolton? It's bleedin' chocolate cake ain't it? Course it comes with chocolate.

Ah, sorry my mistake, it's a quorn chocolate cake.

That was delicious Ændr. Nice turkey -- made a nice change from pigeon. Must dash -- got to take some photos of The Waterworks for Bluebottle. I'll be back in the bar later on.

SAM FLIPPIN' ALLARDYCE, thats it outside now, and if i'm not there in five minutes start without me.

SAM FLIPPIN' ALLARDYCE my **se

Pass us some Quorn chocolate cake please

Gedge

Ændr, does your eating emporium have specialist eating equipment. I'm having a bit of bother with this bread, as I have a Ladies Loo tile glued to one hand and a hot air drier jammed on the other?

I'm getting a bit worried about this carnivorous bread, as it's been nibbling at my toes, and I think I just have to eat it before it eats me.

Outside? Ah you want me to show you Glasgow's only collection of three County away tops? Yes I do include the awful tartan one, which I secretly hope Jocky Scott brings back.

Suddenly I don't feel like eating!

Actually i'm a bit worried about the return of the tartan away kit, as apperantly the new away is 'a closely guarded secret' to be launched on an unsuspecting public sometime this month, like anybody cares, especially Notts County fans, all 12 of us.

Now eat your food up or i'll scan an old Notts photo and post it to the website.

Gedge

I can't eat my food, it's eating me. I'm waiting on specialist eating equipment being flown in from Borneo.

Is Brian Kilcline in the pic?

Aaargh! I'm eating, I'm eating the tablecloth. Look!

I could find one of Kilcline though the scanner probably counldn't take the hairstyle.

Quick somebody get this Wumbeevil some specialist eating equipment before we run out of tablecloths.

Gedge

Quick someone get this Wumbeevil some specialist eating equipment before he runs out of toes! I'm beginning to feel like Charlie George.

No, not as a side dish.

Ændr, mein hostess, have you deserted me in (one of my many) hours of need?

sorry, netscape deserted me in your hour of need

*brings out the butter and starts buttering Wumbeevil's air dryer-stuck hand*

now, don't fidget, and stop hallucinating about the bread... it is only bread...

*when finished buttering, gently eases dryer off hand, no loss of skin either*

there, that's one free

*brings in some turps and certain other chemicals and bathes other hand in those, the glue slowly loosening, again with no loss of skin*

there, the other one is free.

lucky I got first aid training for children because I am a Guide leader, isn't it?

now, you wanted a specialist spoon and pusher didn't you?

Hurrah, I'm here. Sorry browser problems. Now lets make up for it by browsing the menu.

hello there Menza, your usual table?