h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Aberdeen has been likened to the world's biggest methadon clinic. I think mostly because Doric (the local dialect) sounds like everyone's mouth has been anaesthesized; the amount of addicts is fairly average. It is dull, grey and not worth visiting - OK so you are around for some reason, you can spend a day or two but really the only reason it exists is for people working on the rigs to land somewhere when they have time off, and maybe have a pint before going on to somewhere where they'd want to be. Aberdeen's best features are the harbour, the airport and all roads leading outwards.

To be fair, Aberdeen's actually a really nice place. It's fairly clean now that they've got the whole seagull-bin bag fiasco sorted out and its not plagued by the tracksuit-wearing schemey neds that infest Scotland's other cities. There's a reasonable mix of clubs considering its size and if you can't find a pub you like in Aberdeen then you might as well stop drinking. The surrounding area has some of the best salmon rivers in the world (the Spey and the Dee) and there are damned nice beaches at Cruden Bay and Balgowney. That said, I'd rather live in Glasgow.