h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It’s nice to do something different at the weekend, don’t you think? Some friends and I certainly managed that a couple of weeks ago.

First, we dressed up in head-to-foot white boiler suits and bright blue bowler hats. Then we went out to a variety of locations around the centre of Bradford: the city hall steps, a shop, a shop, the Central Library and the city square among them. We stood still and silent, stoically ignoring the inevitable comments and enquiries about what we were doing. From time to time we'd gather around some innocent passer-by one by one, smiling sweetly, until they started to react. Then we'd disappear just after handing them a card with a picture of a blue bowler on one side and the words 'We think you're lovely' on the other, which usually seemed to be well received!

The most uncomfortable moment came when we got noisy attention from some serious, cider-bottle-clutching drunks, but we managed to stay in character and didn't get attacked. In fairness, one of the drunks came up with the most perceptive comment we got all day: ‘I think it’s meant to mess with your consciousness.’ In some other places, like the coffee shop and the book shop, we hardly seemed to be noticed; people didn't bat an eyelid at the gang of oddly-attired folk suddenly appearing in their midst. In different contexts, the comments were different. Near the police station, someone said ‘The forensic squad are out’. In a lift in the library, a little boy, looking anxiously at two of us, asked ‘Are you clowns? I didn’t have the heart to stay silent and probably scare him, so I replied ‘Something like that’.

You won’t be surprised to hear that this was all part of my occasional acting career; a performance art piece, called ‘The Bowlers’, done as part of an arts festival called Stir that took place in Bradford a couple of weekends ago. I really enjoyed the festival. Another highlight was a brilliant theatre piece called ‘They Only Come At Night’ – a drama about grisly murders committed by vampires, performed with the aid of live actors and dancers, projections and pre-recorded commentary, and staged on the top floor of a multi-storey car park! I went to that as a customer and jumped out of my skin a couple of times as the 'vampire' dancers swooped up behind me.

There is now talk of doing a second round of ‘The Bowlers’ up at Bradford University when the new academic year begins, and I may well do it again. At the same time, though, my beloved Uni theatre group is doing a production of ‘Alice In Wonderland’ – so perhaps I’ll have two more opportunities to become a mad hatter!

By the way, very fetching photos of me and a couple of friends in our bowlers are available, and can be e-mailed on request!

I'm trying to imagine the reception you would have gotten in WC.

Sounds like fun.

Do you think we'd have been warmly received down your way, then?

It would be interesting, I'll say that. The term mad as a hatter would be appropriate. If anyone even understood it at all. You might possibly be able to get away with it if you handed out flyers for an ugly truck contest.

Different worlds.

It is sobering, indeed, for me to consider that there may be other places on that make Bradford look like an enviable haven of tolerance and sophistication.

Hey! I liked Bradford. Really. Course, after living here, I like most places.