h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just seen in a record shop sale: the Hear'Say album, reduced to clear from £16.99 to £1.99.

Just for a moment, I thought: 'Perhaps there is a God after all'. Then I remembered that One True Voice still exist.

Manufactured pop bands lack the drive, drama and complex personal relationships that often drive the success of "real" bands (The Smiths, Suede when Bernard was in the band, The Beatles, The Pixies...) That's why these pop acts are almost always a flash-in-the-pan: they lack human warmth. And they DON'T write their own songs.

Kim Deal and Black Francis hated each other, and the result of their continuous sparring is obvious in their music. Conversely, the fact that Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore are married to each other is probably a huge influence on Sonic Youth's sound (don't ask me how, though, I'm not a huge Sonic Youth fan...)

Take That split when Robbie, the magnetic force, left. New Kids on the Block split despite the fact that two of them were brothers. The Spice Girls split. 'N Sync will split because they don't exist without Justin (who is almost embarrassingly good now: does anyone else like "Cry Me a River"?), Backstreet Boys ha ha ha. And so forth.

So the moral of the story is... they weren't built to have any staying power, were they?

(P.S.: the Italian equivalent of Hear'say, Lollipop, are gone and all but forgotten: their handlers made the crucial mistake of thinking they were a real band and enrolled them in a national song contest. They'd forgotten they really couldn't sing. Cue embarrassing performance and commercial death.)

Its down to the music industries policy of "Lets fleece the 12 year olds for every penny they have". They are the only group in society that are gullible enough to believe all the hype about the endless stream of airhead starlet wannabes. So even if the kids realise their favourite band are talentless waisters, the publishers will roll out a new group to take their place.



*Decides it time for soothing thoughts and herbal tea*

A lot of manufactured bands end up producing at least one valid act. Robbie Williams. Bobby Brown (formerly in New Edition; actually, all members of New Edition put out singles after the band split). Justin Timberlake.

A lot of them don't: the horror that are Nick Carter, Geri Halliwell, Gary Barlow...

At any rate, after they fade out, only the strongest personalities remain. I do miss Take That, though. They were so camp they made Lulu look like an Oxford professor

The moment the music industry realised that pop success was determined by what 12 year-old girls liked, we were doomed.

It was fine in ye olde days when music was just put out and they hoped someone bought it, and if 12 year-old girls happened to like you, you made it big... the trouble started when they worked out the possibilities of signing and then creating acts specifically to appeal to them.

Following Greta's point, going back a bit, Alex Chilton was in the Box Tops before he started Big Star...

Mind you, as manufactured bands go the Monkees take a lot of beating.

*listens to Har Mar Superstar furiously to atone for the sin of actually liking boy bands, occasionally, despite being all of 30 years old*

It's not so much that we're doomed, as that there is more merchandising to be sold in Blue than in The White Stripes. Simply because they look better on a T-shirt. Remember: the Eighties were, by and large, a forgettable decade in terms of musical output. And we had to make to with Duran Duran and Spandau Ballet for the best part of it.

There's definitely more merchandising in bands like Blue, but although I've not seen one, I bet a White Stripes T-Shirt would look COOL! if it's anything like their album covers...

I think the thing is the younger you are, the more time you have to devote to following a band, and the more disposable income you have, and there's less other stuff that you want to spend it on.

Whereas when you get to my comparatively massive age, it's all I can do to get round to buying the record and finding time to chuck it on the turntable.

Up to the age of 15, you wear a T-shirt with a band on it; from 15 onwards, you try to look like its members That's how it works in Italy, anyway, although I expect British girls make the transition much earlier.

I'd really rather copy Meg White's look than wear her likeness on a top as for disposable income, I have a lot more now than I did at 12... I simply wouldn't buy a band t-shirt any more, unless it was ironic (like, say, a really cool ABBA t-shirt).

Hmmmm, I agree you get more disposable income per se, but when I was a kid music (and sometimes football) was pretty much the *only* thing I was spending my money on - now stuff like furniture and having some sort of social life gets in the way...

Greta, don't worry about your occasional passion for boy bands. I understand. I've bought 'All The Things She Said' by Tatu.

It's not *just* the factor, honest. I think it's a great record. And I love having a song at Number 1 in the UK that offends all the right people - homophobes, self-appointed morality crusaders etc.

I must admit, Take That's cover of 'Could It Be Magic' kicks arse...

Tatu have covered The Smiths' 'How Soon Is Now?' on their album!

Seriously???

I bought Take That's "Back for Good"

I not very much into Tatu, their blatant lesbianism looks like a bit of a put-on (I mean, where are the TONGUES? Come on), but I can see the point about them irritating the heck out of conservatives and homophobes. They came to Italy last summer and kissed (chastely) live on national telly. It made the news. How ridiculous is it? There are wars out there, and journalists waste time on two teenagers snogging. Oh, great.

Anyway... pop is good Pop is great! Long live Kylie!

I actually agree that Tatu's relationship to one another is probably purely professional, but I'm not sure that it matters. I just think it's great that someone can say they're lesbian and be a big mainstream pop success, thus breaking down one of the last pop taboos. It seems to have been fine for male stars to be gay for a long time, but much harder for women - even k.d. lang took a long time to come out. Also, 'All The Things She Said' rocks like a . Yet another great production job by Trevor Horn! And yes, Number Six, I kid you not - Tatu really have done 'How Soon Is Now?' on the album!

'Back For Good' was a fine song. At the time I'd have bet a lot of money on Gary Barlow going on to be a huge solo star, but somehow after the split his pop writing abilities seemed to desert him and he seemed prematurely middle-aged, like Elton John without the personality. Robbie is much more fun, and deservedly more successful.

I'm not entirely sure they're massive DESPITE being lesbians... looks like they're massive BECAUSE they are lesbians, which is just as wrong, if you see what I mean. Sexual orientation shouldn't be an issue in music, despite the fact that sexuality is one of the main driving forces behind songwriting.

As far as I remember, members of both Luscious Jackson (such a great band, whatever happened to them?) and The Breeders are gay, but it just wasn't an issue. Conversely, at least half of Take That were obviously gay, but always kept it under wraps. (Oh, and Boyzone died a sad death when one of them came out. The only one who survived is the happily married and breeding Ronan...)

My punk credentials are ruined

I'm listening to Tatu's cover of How Soon Is Now? and I have to admit it's not half bad!

Tatu are far from being the first lesbian pop performers, but they are the first act to bring that imagery into the pop mainstream, and I think that's liberating. I'm old enough to remember when David Bowie caused a media frenzy by coming out as bisexual in the early 1970s. Bowie putting his arm around his guitarist Mick Ronson on TV caused as much of a sensation as Tatu's snogging does now.

Now, any male star coming out tends to be greeted with a shrug, which - I agree - is just as it should be. Hopefully, once the fuss about Tatu has died down, there'll be more chance of gay female pop stars being seen as nothing particularly extraordinary.

Which is correct... absolutely correct. Hopefully Tatu's (arguably artificial) lesbianism will pave the way for more spontaneous, less manufactured acts. I dunno. aybe it's because they're managed and produced by Trevor Horn. Hello, TREVOR HORN! He stopped being cool in 1981, didn't he?

Nothing like rock'n'roll for me though. I'm listening to Phantom FM a lot these days. It's a brilliant radio station, shame it's got no DJs so I can never work out who is playing what...