h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Indiana, a midwest state in the United States - A87735801
Author: shagbark - U170775

An overview of the hoosier state.

yeah Hoosiers. Thanks for that. Wow that is a lot of agricultural produce for a fairly small state. Those farmers must know what their doing!

Sorry above should have been what they're doing. Preview should be my friend in 2012. Well nobody is likely to be an editor or subeditor on account of my awful spelling.

I'll be honest shagbark, I felt like I was reading a wikipedia entry at times. Climate statistics and latitude/longitude coordinates don't really seem like the kind of thing I come to hootoo for. That's entirely my opinion of course.

Some other thoughts I had:

The history section reads like a bunch of trivia loosely grouped into paragraphs. It doesn't flow.

Is Indiana a swing state? I don't really think so. I think it's a Republican state nationally, even if it will occasionally send Democrats to the Senate (Bayh comes to mind). The fact that 2008 was the first time since '64 that it voted Democratic indicates that it isn't much of a swing state.

Why have the current governor? It won't become out of date, because you don't claim him as a current governor, but it will look strange in several years. I feel similarly about the next paragraph, which is only interesting in the present.

Difficult to call Lincoln a Hoosier. Kentucky and Illinois both have stronger claims.

Good luck with this entry. It would be good to have an entry on Indiana, which I have often driven through but seldom driven to.

Calling Lincoln a Hoosier is kind of like calling Malcolm X a Michigander.
Malcolm X moved with his family to Michigan when he was 3 and his father died there.
Lincoln moved to Indiana when he was 8 and his mother died there.
I admit it is a bit of a stretch. Like Saying that Gerald Ford was a native of Grand Rapids. Yes he has his museum there but most of his life he was elsewhere and during his term in the whitehouse he would vacation or go home to Colorado, not Michigan.

As to Indiana being a swing state I can live without that bit of trivia.

As to talking about governor Odonell
would this be equivalent to saying Michigan elected a woman Jenifer Granholm as Governor and she was served the full two terms allowed.

the reason history doesn't flow is because it has gaps in it. I was running OK until I hit 1816 and then was struggling to decide what to say next.

As to my section on history- the forceful suppression of the natives is historical fact. So is the industrial pollution caused by the Steel Mills. As is the big farms taking over from the little ones.
but how this can flow into one coherent section is still a puzzle.

Yay, Indiana. Now I'm singing, 'Back Home Again in Indiana'. Like Jordan, I've driven through, though I have a funny story about Gary I'll annoy you with in a minute.

Hm, how to make it flow better? Perhaps you could use as a hook the fact that Indiana, like other Midwest states, was once part of the 'wild frontier'?

A couple of thoughts:

Is there an etymology for the term 'Hoosier'? I've always wondered why they were called that. Is there a better explanation than this one?

http://www.indiana.edu/~librcsd/internet/extra/hoosier.html

Or could you explain that the term is obscure?

Could we lose the term 'the white man' and use 'Europeans' or 'European settlers'?

>>When the French and British explored here they often had problems with the natives.<<

Could this be worded differently? Perhaps:

'There was often conflict between Native Americans and French and British traders and settlers.'

Other famous Hoosiers were Kurt Vonnegut, Sr, and Kurt Vonnegut, Jr, I believe? I think they were both from Indianapolis, and that the senior Vonnegut contributed to the architure of Indiana.

Now, the threatened Gary story:

Back in the 60s, Gary had a bad reputation as a dangerous town - at least, if you came from Pittsburgh. My dad had occasion to go there on a business trip for US Steel. The colleague who was going to pick him up instructed him to take the limo to such-and-such a hotel, and STAY PUT.

My dad was nervously waiting in the lobby. There was only one other man there at the time - like my dad, tall, with a short haircut, conservative suit, and pale complexion. They eyed each other suspiciously for a while...

Finally, the man came up and demanded ID. He was the house detective.

1) I'm really not keen on the start of this Entry, as is. Census information and lists of state emblems contain interesting information, but it's a very boring start to the Entry. Could you work them into the body?

2) "The Native Americans of the Shawnee tribe were here before the white man. When the French and British explored here they often had problems with the natives. When The US took over it became their problem."

I think this bit needs work. Tell us when "The US took over". (Perhaps you should also change the bit about "it" becoming their problem - the natives weren't an "it". And the problem was a two-way thing.)

3) The Agriculture section: Is it strong enough to stand on its own? Try to work it into the rest of the text if it seems appropriate, but if it doesn't fit don't be afraid to cut it out.

4) State Parks: What do you mean by a "complete set" of State Parks? Do you just mean it has a number of them, or is there something that constitutes a complete set?

I realise that the answers to some of my questions might seem obvious, but they won't be obvious to all of your readers.

Thanks for the read - it's a good start!

I believe I have addressed those concerns. Further thoughts?

I still think 'problems with the natives' needs to be reworded.

But on the whole, it's an eclectic and often humorous look at the Hoosier State.

Added 3 Vonneguts to the list and also patched up the history a bit.

This is not part of the article but adding up three items
1. The superbowl is going to be held in Indianapolis
2. the state senate just passed a right to work law that the labor unions detest
3. Blue collar workers in the midwest can be dangerous when you do things they disapprove of.

Put those together and I would wager it will be safer watching the Superbowl on TV than to actually be in Indianapolis that day.

You think there's going to be a protest at the superbowl? That should get some attention.

Precisely what the teamsters are probably thinking. However it has to be done in a way that doesn't get the labor union a huge court suit to deal with. I'm sure the NFL and the TV companies both have clauses in their contracts to prevent work stoppages. But getting people into and out of the stadium could be a real headache .

Of course if the Governor is a good politician, he will stall this bill until after February 5 before signing it.

more info http://indianarighttowork.com/