h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Working at McDonald's has only reinforced my general view of humanity - People, on the whole, are stupid. And, of course, worse in groups. That's called "Groupthink," I learned about it in Psyc 101. So obviously, when the country goes down the drain, it's always the president's fault. Granted, he will have a lot to do with it, but whose idea was it to put him in office in the first place? I'm not complaining about our current president specificly, but maybe we should go back to a monarchy. A more restricted one, maybe with the three branches and the bicameral legislature like we have, just without elected presidents. And they don't have to marry other royals, either. But there have been good kings and bad kings, just like good presidents and bad presidents. Although a monarch would have had the power to take good and, especially, bad to newer, more severe levels. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I hate people.

I got an e-mail from a people yesterday. It rambled on for quite a while about how depressing life is and how leaving home is scary and how just when we think we've finally cut the ties, we find ourselves tripping over the string anyway. Then it started talking about how we never hang out anymore, and we never talk anymore, and boo-hoo, why is that? Of course, this bit of ramblings is prefaced by "I now realize..." I NOW realize? What's that? Has the fact that we've barely seen each other for 6 months and that when we do, one or the other of us just gets pissed off at the other suddenly sunken in? Then this people begins to contredict itself, if not in a way that would be very obvious to anyone who haden't known this people almost better than themselves for 6 years. The end of one paragraph is, "I wonder why we've grown apart and how it has or has not effected you." The next paragraph (and the e-mail) ends with this: "I don't want to go back to high school, and I don't want to stay where I'm at... but it's hard to say good bye." So is this a goodbye letter, or a where-are-you-please-talk-to-me letter? So after getting ticked off about that, I sent rather a harsh e-mail back. But was it too harsh? My basic assesment of the situation involved the two of us un-consiously pushing one another apart, because we knew our time together was about to end. Which does explain why whenever I'm around this people lately, my personality seems to shift toward all of the things it hates about me. Which never made sense before, because I usually dislike those parts as well. Then again, it could be that I was trying be inflamitory, because the people was pissing Me off so much. But then, that's one of those afore-mentioned aspects of my personality.

I suppose it wasn't That harsh of a letter, considering that I left out what a concited, egotistical, holier-than-thou, know-it-all, moraly-relativistic, judgement-challenged people I find it to be, avoided the jibes about the love interest who got shipped off to Colorado to escape it and to have some work done on the psycological and emotional problems the people caused, didn't bring up the other love interest who became a suicidal, smoking alcoholic, and refrained from threatening this people if it ever touched my friend who it's had its eye on. So yeah, we haven't talked in a while, we haven't seen each other in a long time, and we probably will not maintain contact when we've moved...I've cut my ties, and I took the precaution of sweeping up the pieces. I can think of many people I'm leaving behind, who I'm going to miss and who make the world a brighter place just by being in it, but right now, this people isn't one of them.

TO ME:
"Summer is halfway over, and I think I'm finally realizing that I'll be leaving home soon. I get three more paychecks before I go; that's a significant time measurement for me. It's almost time to write my boss the fateful note.

Six more gaming sessions until I say goodbye to my faithful gaming group. It's come a long way since we started playing this weekly game in the winter of 2004. I don't know if we will try to continue biweekly or monthly or at all once I'm gone.

I've got my life savings piled together in my savings account, ready to give it all away to college. It's hard to watch it all disappear so swiftly and easily.

I've applied for a credit card and a Kwik Card (I spend enough money at Kwik Trip each month that I might as well) so that I can start to build up a credit rating.

I've thoroughly cleaned my bedroom, placing my all-time favorite books and movies on a single shelf to bring with me to college. Included is, of course, Douglas Adams, J.R.R Tolkein, and Snatch.

I thought I was glad to leave. I thought I was ready to be done with almost every one I know from Sauk, ready to meet new people and make a new life. But now I'm not so sure.

Now I realize that I haven't seen you except at graduation parties, and I wonder why. I wonder why I haven't called you up and invited you over for a walk, or a movie, or a card game. I wonder why I haven't e-mailed you about how great life is, or to find out how you're doing, or to describe my crazy vacation to Wyoming, or to contemplate the meaning of 42. I wonder why we've grown apart and how it has or has not effected you.

Milwaukee is a long way from LaCrosse. As I told Kris in a rather monumental conversation at 2:30 this morning (shortly before the power went out), I might not be moving back to Sauk next summer. This is pretty much the end, isn't it? The end of high school, the end of childhood, the end of relying on others to pay for living expenses, the end of many friendships, young and old... this is it. I don't want to go back to high school, and I don't want to stay where I'm at... but it's hard to say good bye."
- FROM THE PEOPLE

I SAID:
"I haven't done much of anything this summer. The whole thing is just a big waiting game...waiting for work to start, waiting for work to end, waiting for my break, waiting for my paycheck, waiting for the money to buy a computer, waiting for word on my Stafford Loan, waiting for my day off, when I can spend time with my bluebird, waiting, waiting. But it's almost over.

I'm taking two weeks off to prepare for college, to pack and party and paint. Then I'll decide what I'm taking with me, and what I'm leaving behind.

I have thought about things a lot (McDonald's work doesn't really tax your brain much), but it was only reading your e-mail that I really got this idea. Like most of my ideas, it waited for an opportune moment and sprang like Athena from my head. When I first read your e-mail, I thought, "Of course we haven't hung out, every time we do, we piss each other off." But that's not really a reason is it? It is, but it's just a reason with other reasons underlying it, and you can't really just stop at the superficial reason, can you? So, what reasons underlie that reason? We have both changed a lot, in differing ways. I think the boyfriends have a lot to do with it, there's only so much love and loyalty and dedication you can give out, and a boyfriend takes up a lot of that. Well, scratch love - I don't think that ever wears thin, no matter how much you give out. Our drifting may be largely my fault as well (though, "fault" is a bad word for it). I got so sick of people viewing me as an extension of you, and I tried to pull my identity away from yours - a decision I don't regret, but one with perhaps unexpected consequences.

You know, now that I'm off on this tangent, it's rather interesting the way we have changed since we first met, and how we've stayed together through all our changes. You, I think, have changed more than I, but I suppose I would think that. I really don't feel as though I have changed at all, though I know I have, when I really think about it. Well, anyway, end tangent.

But even though we have changed so much, I wonder if that change should really have driven us apart as it has. After all, we still have the same friends, and we still, on occasion, have as much fun as we used to and don't piss each other off. So there must be another reaon yet.

Seeing how our relationship didn't start to go downhill until toward the end here, I'm begining to think it was all some plot of our respective un-consciouses. We knew we were leaving each other soon, and we wanted to make it easier on ourselves, so we started un-conciously trying to push each other away. Tha would explain why whenever I'm around you, I notice myself doing or saying things that show all the pieces of my personality that I know you most dislike. I feel myself becoming what you most hate about me, even though I also dislike those sides of my personality. I had wondered about that for a while, I think I may have just figured it out.

Anyway, none of this really matters now. That felt more like a goodbye letter than a re-attatch-the-strings-by-discussing-things letter, and really only one paragraph had anything to do with all of this, so I apologize if you'd rather not have wasted the time reading this e-mail. I would share my thoughts on life, the universe, and everything, or at least life-updates, but apart from my bluebird, I feel very bored and cynical of late (the waiting, you know), so I've not got a lot to say apart from what I've just said, so - I hope you do well in college and in life, and after all, Milwaukee and La Cross aren't so far apart as all that. Your ball."

So tell me, Ever, do you see what I mean, or am I over-reacting? And was it too harsh? And did you know?

P.S. One of those people was you. Kris, too. He and I are closer than we were. Poor guy, he bears the brunt of this fractured friendship, being friends with both of us. He's also that friend I mentioned in the journal. Yes, she's got a long-term boyfriend, but that's never stopped her before. After all, twice the fun, twice the destruction for half the price - remember the redbird and the sun? Not to mention Fred (do you know about the engaged french guy who was 20 yrs. her senior?). If she hurts Kris...

P.P.S. (That was a threat, not a musing. They look so alike written down.)

You know, I realize that this is a rather personal subject posted in a rather public place, but I figure, no one is interested anyway, who reads the responses to a journal entry, even if they read that?

I understand, I wish we could just leave messages, click a button and make them private.
Anyway, it’s not really that harsh when you read it. One nice thing that comes with writing them down is the person reading it can choose whichever meaning they want. They have your words, but they can say them however they want to hear it. (Mrs. Sullivan's "Here I Am") So, it all depends on how people read it.
In any case, I knew you two were having problems, and I understand your assessment of the situation, it makes sense. The summer is ending, and before people go their separate ways they look back at what they had. Past memories can bring feelings of both hope and regret. Then sometimes, looking back, you realize why you did some things (even though it was subconsciously at the time). Everything seems to look clearer when you look back at it.
Anyway, time is time and people are people, and you can't change either one of them. So the future is going to come up on you fast with more time and new people, and the beauty of a cloudy future is that you can shape the fog however you want to. And now I'm changing topic before it gets to preachy. Nevertheless, I'm sorry I didn't get to read this and talk to you earlier. I guess I'll hear from you soon, I hope nothing drastic has happened while I was gone. Well, talk to you later

P.S. As for Kris, from what she said in the letter, I don't think either them expect anything from that relationship. Her relationship now is good, and I just hope (whatever happens) no one gets hurt because of a mistake.

P.P.S. It's nice to know I'm one of those people, and I want you to know you're one of mine. So, I just wanted to say Whatever comes, Thank you.