h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There lurked a beast. Its name was COMPUTOR, the computer, and it lived only to devour the poor, helpless fools who failed to take computer taming classes. It was in this very jungle where I found myself trapped, foodless, friendless, and computer-taming and self-defence-classes-less. I had been hiding here for many weeks, scratching out a livelihood killing what animals I could with my highly sharpened toenail, finding out what plants were safe to eat by force-feeding them to my pet hampster Rex, who, failing in his earlier attempt to save me, was now just as trapped as I was, though perhaps more so, as I wasn't living in a pocket and being force-fed potentially fatal plants. As I was saying, we lurked there for several weeks, knowing that we only owed our survival to the season - COMPUTOR was hibernating, this being the warm sort of mid-winter season when there was no snow on the ground to speak of, the sun was high in the clear blue sky, the birds were all singing sweetly, and all respectable computers either went to sleep, killed themselves, or slunk sulkily into caves to escape from the strange and counter-seasonal weather. But we knew, Rex and I, that it was only a matter of time before something disturbed COMPUTOR and he awoke - our fragile bodies would snap like dehydrated poodles in his horrendous claws - he must not find us! So we watch, and we wait, until that day comes, praying that it won't, but knowing that it must...

and pigs

And pigs?????

Any "And pigs" remarks mean that this website will not show me any new posts until I've posted, rather backwards, as I can't reply to something I can't see. "and pigs" is that post, so I can check for new messages.

Ok, I just didn't want to post anything in case there was more. You kept me on the edge of my seat. It's so cool!