h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A thread to say people who you shouldn't trust. Starting with a Billy Connolly quote:

Never trust a man who, when alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on.

and my own :

Never trust a woman who has perfect hair all the time.

Never trust anyone who says "Trust Me"

Hiya!

(Never trust anyone who speaks in parenthesis)

Never trust a man who, when faced with death, doesn't have a last wish.

Never trust a man who makes eye contact with your bosoms

(taht one's actually kind of freaky. Doesn't it mean they're looking back? )

Never trust someone who stares blankly when confronted with a joke, and then brakes it down for flaws.

Or someone who laughs way too long while staring straight ahead.

Never trust ME!

Never trust a man who wears white shoes.

Never trust a man with pieces of lit TNT in his hands

Never trust someone who says 'I'm a people person'. In my experience these people are stirrers.

Never trust someone who flatters you to your face, but says bad things about you behind your back.

Never trust someone who grins at your left ear.

Or someone who says your complete Pingu colection is not the coolest thing ever. They are obviously mentally ill.

maybe you're the mentally ill one, NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH A COMPLEAT PINGU COLLECTION!!!

Never trust a smiling bureaucrat, for their ways of **cking up your life are manifold.

Never trust a man who says he wants to be friends after a break up.

Never trust someone laughing maniacally with a bloody cleaver and a dead body on the floor.

Never trust a child who, when out of sight, goes quiet.

Never trust the voices.

(P.S. I'm not mad. Everyone else is. MWAHAhAHAHAHAHA!)

Never trust someone who whispers in their sleep instead of talking.

Never trust someone who listens to you in your sleep and makes careful notes.