h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not sure I can make sense of what happened in Cleveland yesterday. But then, 'sense' is not exactly what is called for.

First of all, Cleveland is still intact. The city reported 'no property damage' whatsoever from the total of 500 protestors. Only one arrest was made by the over 2500 bicycle-riding police. A slingshot was confiscated. Those carrying guns in public did not use them. And the river didn't catch on fire again, although there was a brief conflagration in a local hotel which was quickly put out. Signs are good for the city's survival.

There was a mini-riot on the floor of the convention, as the 'Never Trump' delegates attempted futilely to force a roll call vote. After that ended, the show could begin.

I attempted to watch this series of performances, but I confess failure. I could only watch in five-minute increments before stopping to cool down. In my defence, I point out that I am old and on blood pressure pills. Listening to these speakers talk was contraindicating my medication. It was the soldiers describing shooting attackers at Benghazi as a game of 'whack-a-mole' that made me stop watching, so I missed the scary illegal immigrant video.

So I gave up and followed the Guardian's live blog, which was both pithy and witty. They also included various Twitter posts comparing Mr Trump's fog-machine entrance to the World Wrestling Federation's special effects and the alien scene from 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2016/jul/18/republican-national-convention-2016-day-one-donald-trump

I DID watch Melania Trump's speech. This is a former supermodel from Slovenia. Allegedly, she speaks several languages. English is apparently not one of them. The lady is 'proud to become citizen of the United States'.

Allegedly, she also 'rickrolled' the audience. This was a new internet meme on me. It means to include a reference or link to a certain song by Rick Astley. I will now rickroll you by including this link, so that you may see whether the phrase 'he will never, ever let you down', as applied to Mr Trump, constitutes a 'rickroll':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

Personally, I'm sure Ms Trump didn't write that speech - who writes their own speeches? - but she read it very well, considering. And her presence on the podium is a landmark of sorts. Think about it: during the 1950s-1970s, would it have been possible for a candidate to admit that his wife grew up in a communist country? In fact, TWO of Mr Trump's wives grew up in communist countries...progress, of sorts...

And now to Stephen Colbert. I didn't stay up for the Late Show. I always get it on Youtube. But here's what the fuss was about in Cleveland yesterday, as the Power Games host and his pet weasel Caligula crashed the party:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFjDBvRxcbM

And to the joy of the Colbert Nation, the 'old' Colbert (the fake right-wing talk show host) was back in all his glory, along with Jon Stewart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqOTxl3Bsbw

Reviewer's verdict: Mr Colbert puts on a much better show than the Trump people. CBS should be proud of him.

It's big news here that Mrs Trump plagiarised, almost word-for-word, Michelle Obama.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/video_and_audio/headlines/36832528

You say she's a former supermodel? Why don't they grow old gracefully? She would still be a great beauty with lines around her eyes. Her facelift is awful

That video is hilarious: "Male, female, mystery date"

"My weasel wants to make love to your goatee"

By the way, did you realise that his pet weasel Caligula is a stuffed trophy weasel? We have hardier souls than that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9xHEj3Gk4Q

Yes, the comparison with Ms Obama has been making the rounds here, too. How many ways are there to say, 'My husband's the politician, ask him. But I think he'd make a dreamy President...'?

And Colbert has to make fun of North Carolina. It's a requirement in his home state of, er, SOUTH Carolina...

Alas, that video is not available in my country.

Probably revenge for Colbert's former 'Comedy Central' videos, which carried rude messages to Brits about how it was their fault for living in a monarchy...

I particularly liked the goatee joke - I do a lot of US Civil War research. Those generals usually sported dead squirrels on their chins... (Somebody did a great Guide Entry about that, too, I think it was Jordan.)

The Power games host almost constantly reminded me of

http://www.isnnews.net/zocalo/images/Regent-2.jpg

Entry A39115334

A worthy contribution.

The video I linked to was Richard Whiteley, interviewing a man who kept ferrets, he brought one on the show - a live ferret, that is. It shouldn't have been as funny as it was, when the ferret bit the interviewer, with the owner constantly denying that he couldn't possibly be being bitten, and poor Richard trying to extricate his bloodied finger, bitten through to the bone, and the ferret off the end of it, while on live tv. Excruciating watch, still, but a legend was born.

I am sure a quick search will bring up the clip for you to view in your country, it was many moons ago.

Thanks! I'll look for it. Poor guy, I'll bet it was painful.

Ferrets are cute, but they have sharp little teeth...