h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Slept well; rose and produced water prodigiously. To my office a little - there not being much to do. Dined at the Star at Cheapside on mutton and a pint of wine with my Lord's steward who has lately been ordered to open up the estate in the country and expects the family to travel down shortly. Home and finding all well, supped and retired to record the hours. 

An excess of ale the previous night, I'll wager...

Sir your powers of observation are uncanny!

Not really - you don't recall pissing out of the window into the rose bed, do you? Guess where I was at the time...

*looks crestfallen* Sir, my most humble apologies, if there is any way in which I can make amends for the unfortunate shower you were forced to endure......

I should be grateful, really: there are some places where you have to pay a sum of money to have such a shower performed on one. Well at least some of the more disagreeable parasites were dislodged from my spines, taxmen, traffic wardens and so on. So no need for reparation, sir! As soon as I am freshened up, I shall call upon you in your back parlour, which, word amonst the oak leaves has it, is THE place to be seen. Not that I'm a rampant socialite - hard to be that when people mistakenly clean their boots on you as you attempt to enter by the front door - but you were all having such a good time in there the other night that, were I not nocturnal anyway, I might have been minded to ask you all to keep it down a bit. The noise I mean...