h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

or "How Americans won the war single-handedly"

Actually, it's not all that bad as action films go. plenty of stuff blowing up, and a reasonable amount of tension at right moment (when you aren't groaning at the corny dialogue and predictable plot).

But the huge steaming turd stinking all the way through it, is the appalling revision of history by the producers in an attempt to make their movie more commercially viable.

Gee, I forgot to take my lil' ol' flag with me.

Lots of action and explosions, but didn't those good old US boys do so well. And so racially ahead of their time, too.

I've noticed here in England they labor under the mistaken impression that the Brits retrieved the Enigma machine. Of course, anyone from my side of the Pond who has meticulously studied at the University of Hollywood will be able to remind the world that the noble Americans won WW2 from beginning to end, ably led by the likes of Burt Lancaster (they named a bomber after him) and John Wayne. Britain joined in near the end, and appear to want credit for that.

A good film, cinematically, with a very bitter after-taste.

Actually some small mitigation for the film. The real-life commander of that particular operation, who actually led a team of operatives into the actual U-boat (albeit a deserted one), has spoken out in a BBC interview that he likes the film and reckons that having the story Americanised was a small price to pay for having the story told. And he's probably right too, since no one in the UK is going to front up with the £50m needed to pull it off.

Well made points fellows. I enjoyed the film and was a bit sick of the film-critics in Australia harping on endlessly about how Das Boot was so much better ... pu-lees! But, the revisionism was annoying in retrospect, though at the time, I confess to having been caught up in the nail-biting action. I was right there with it all the way ... oh no! Have I been seduced by the great American Imperialist Machine? Oh well.

Bran (back in action after a long-break).

Well guys, apparently Colditz is next up for the 'Hollywood History Correction'. Until now, it was always thought that whilst the Brits spent all their time in Colditz plotting escapes and filling their pockets with the soil of the Fatherland, the Yanks were too cool for all that fuss, spending their incarceration chillin' out (performing the odd motorcyle stunt to impress the locals).

But hold on - soon we shall see those brave American boys making their escapes, dramatically recreating the 'true' WW2 story.

So, any thoughts as to what would be most appropriate for the next phase of Hollywood revisionism? The Falklands perhaps?

Le Revolution Francais, sur bien! Avec Tom Cruise dans le rôle de Napoleon!

Let me guess, this will be the one with Tom Hanks recreating the defeat of Napoleon at the hands of my brave American forebears, and not by that imposter Wellington.

George Washington to the rescue!

Washington, Wellington - easily confused!

Poor Brits, they'll be claiming Shakespeare for themselves soon.

We Kiwis want a crack at him first.

Stratford? That's half an hour's drive from where I live! And Will probably pinched all his ideas from its streetsigns.

In Libya, the Colonel has claimed that Will was really an Arab, his name: Shaikh Zubair.