h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A. - A3759861
Author: diceydanny - U1368202

I have tried my best to use Britisn Englich however i fear that i may have missed some of the extra "u,s" in some of the spelling

Hey there, diceydanny, and welcome to Peer Review! This is a great start on an important entry. Believe it or not, I've actually been to Springfield - I used to live in Massachusetts, you see. You will, I hope, excuse me if I give you a very long and picky post about every single typing and grammatical error - I assure you that, overall, the entry is excellent, esp. coming from a newbie.

Anyway...
The title should read "Springfield, Massachusetts, USA". We don't do periods ("full stops") for abbreviations. House style.

The first sentence needs some commas: it should read, "If you find yourself in Springfield, Massachusetts, you are either..."

unfavorable --> unfavourable (that's that British spelling, y'see)

"Either way while it is an unfavorable situation to be in ,the Greater Springfield area can serve all of your needs and make your stay as pleasant as possible." This should, I think, read something like "While this is an unfavourable situation to be in, the Greater Springfield area..."

assessable --> accessible

When you mention the Mass Pike you could perhaps put a footnote in explaining that, for instance, Mass stands for Massachusetts and a pike is a long road, essentially a highway. You write a footnote by enclosing it in footnote tags, like this: This is a footnote.

"I 90 runs north south" --> "Interstate 91 runs north-south"
Likewise, "I 90 Runs East west" --> "Interstate 90 runs east-west". Remember that your readers may be from other areas of the world and may not know what abbreviations like "I" for interstate mean, or even what an "interstate" is.

New York city --> New York City

Indian --> please, Native American. Much more PC, I'm sure you'll agree. Indians are those people from India, eh?

"The threat of Indian attack , however, continued to keep the locals wary." -- You're not using "wary" right. Either say "caused the locals to be wary" or caused them to be "watchful". I prefer the latter, myself.

"Adding to the many places that Washington slept before he died of syphilis." First of all, this is not a complete sentence; second of all, it's not really pertinent to this entry. If I want to learn about Washington and his death from syphilis I'll read something about him. (Though actually, there isn't a Guide entry on him, so if you wanna write one...)

"Springfield grew ... into a river city" should have a comma after the clause.

hall of fame --> Hall of Fame
Basketball --> basketball
Sport of Volleyball --> sport of volleyball, or just volleyball. But do we care about Holyoke? It's not Springfield, which is what the entry is about.

If I were you, I'd remove the population section altogether, as this information changes literally every day, and getting revisions is a complicated process in this Guide.

"Like any city in" --> "Like in any city"

Again, take out the crime statistics. These will change and become outdated *very* quickly. Avoid any hard numbers if possible.

Could you perhaps elucidate more on the scholarly and human interest offerings of Springfield, so that section is at least equal to the boozing opportunities? Not all of us are over legal drinking age, you know. And anyway, alcohol is overrated - says the teenager (ie me).

Do you need that bit about how to leave? It's funny, sure, but why can't we just refer to another entry about transport like A635906 ? (Very interesting and informative entry, that.)

Good job, though. I congratulate you on writing a first entry that actually follows the Writing-Guidelines! Persevere, and you'll get recommended in no time at all (read: weeks and weeks. Sad but true - and I should know.)

Good luck with your further work on this entry, and further life on hootoo! I love it, and I'm sure you will too. Oh, and I'm sorry about the length of this post. I know I talk too much.

Echo

Thank you for the advice. I will be doing a rewrite this weekend and your comments will help me a great bit. Oh and good for you getting awayn from the pringfield area.

diceydanny

Do you really hate it that much?!

Hi diceydanny,

I don't know Springfield having never ventured much further west of Hopkington. You have put a lot of useful information into this entry - a very good potted history, and some good geographical details. There is a lot of information in the entry, which is always good from the perspective of the Edited Guide.

After reading it, I felt that the picture you are painting was very grim, and I think you might need to tone it down somewhat. It is coming across as a very personal perspective, and not something that can be judged at the moment to be completely fair and balanced. The "my town is a crap place to live" is a common theme in Peer Review, and it rarely gets very far unless authors are willing to edit the entry to provide a more balanced introduction to your town.

"In 2005 however Springfield is on track to become the per capita murder capital of The United States." - is this a personal view, or something that has been widely reported?

The crime stats are shocking! I think a section on crime is warranted, but perhaps again something might need to be said about possible reasons behind it and what the authorities are doing to address this problem.

"Springfield does have slightly more than drinking and fighting to offer a potential visitor." - I would have preferred to see this up higher in the entry, so that your entry reads somewhat like this :
* Brief intro,
* History,
* Some things to do and see
* Some of the problems, ie. crime,
* Future developments


Hope this helps

Woodpigeon

no actually it is one of the top 4 cities i have been to. The negitives are quite appealing to me.

<>

Well fine, it's okay to include some of them if you like, and to point out in a fair and balanced way what's wrong with the town, but make sure you include some good things as well. If all you include are negatives, as Woodpigeon said, this entry will just become your opinion, which is not appropriate for the EG.

Nice entry!

You've managed to work in a good deal of humor while keeping it informative.

I only have one small nit to pick.

In the "entertainment" section, you've got "When closing time is called the streets fill with different types of people from all walks of life at a time when they are least likely to accept other ideas, beliefs... sex, gender...."

You might want to consider getting rid of either "sex" or "gender."

Otherwise, I liked it a lot and don't understand why this well-written entry hasn't gotten more Peer Review attention.

NBY

LOL! I love it. LOVE IT, love it, love it. Great article!

Makes my want to armour my Buick, drive to Springfield, and watch the bars-letting-out show!

Now I know why "The Simpsons" is set in a fictional town named Springfield...

I love you, man!

thanks for the kind words but i feel i must pick your nit. Sex and gender while related are not the smae thing. Sex has to do with biological bits and gender has to do with societys expectations of a member of a sex. This is a common mistake made by people as society has a lot to do with the act of sex.

Upon consulting my dictionary, I concede your point.

NBY

It's sort of like sex is biological and gender is psychological. While often equated (someone who is 'male' tends to act 'masculine') this is not always the case, and it is in fact very rare for someone of one sex to have solely characteristics of the equivalent gender.

Have we sorted our sex from our gender?

The author's not been online for a while, I didn't read this before the suggested changes were made, are there any major suggested changes waiting to be done?

Emmily

It frankly doesn't seem as if much has been changed at all, if anything.

diceydanny, where are you?

Ok emr

Emmily

Looks like danny hasn't posted since his last post in this thread five weeks ago

my apologies for the short holiday my wife just had another baby and well two kids under two leaves little time for the internet. I made a few of the recommended changes but the more I changed the less I liked the piece. I feel the current edition of the article best represents the feeling of the city with the best face put on it. Sometimes you shouldn't go to some places and the Guide is the best forum for the stark realities of a place.

Wow, do you really think so? I'd say this entry is pretty even-handed -- maybe a little more towards the bad side than anything else. If you were going to change it I'd make it tilt a little in favour of the good side - thus making it more balanced.

Springfield isn't all *that* bad!

During the American Revolution the area was visited by both General Washington and Knox, en route from Fort Ticonderoga with cannon destined for Boston, passed through Springfield. >> This sentence isn't making sense for me.

I'm having trouble verifying your claim regarding the murder rates, but according to the most recent (2004) annual list of safest and most dangerous cities based on crime rates by Morgan Quitno, Newton, MA (~80 miles east) makes the safest, and Springfield ranks 18th most dangerous. http://www.morganquitno.com/safecity.htm

The amount of alcohol served in the city limits in Springfield is staggering. >> You might try - 'The amount of alcohol served within the city limits of Springfield is staggering.'

the only business that exist >> businesses

Hokey is a sport that consists mostly of watching fighting whilst drinking. >> Sounds a lot like hockey then, I think... I dunno, it's been so long

In the third- and fourth-to-last paragraphs you've used the word 'also' a time or two too many, it's repetitive.


It strikes me that usually when I hear someone spouting all the negatives of a place it's either a teenager or an unwilling transplant. It surprises me that you've chosen to stay settled there to raise your family. Just an observation.

Cheers

any progress ?