h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As entirely expected, the builders failed to grace me with their presence this morning. After speaking with Adamos yesterday and arranging the site visit for Saturday, I failed to get a commitment for which week, month or even year that Saturday might fall in. It's probably just as well; after sampling the delights of a particularly agreeable, heavily oaked, Rioja last night I was in no mood to be awoken at 6.00am and swiftly accused of being personally responsible for the drain issues.

If you attempt to ask any Cypriot builder, tradesman, casual bodger or even a plumber about a drainage issue you will always receive the standard diagnosis before you've even finished the sentence. "You've put toilet paper in the bowl, my friend. English people never learn".

The first thing you are told when you arrive in Cyprus, either as a holiday maker or as a new resident, is to never, ever, put toilet paper where it rightly belongs. Instead, you are invited to respect the centuries-old Cypriot tradition of depositing soiled bathroom tissue into a tiny bin located adjacent to the porcelain. Now, I'm fairly rough-and-tumble and I tend not to wince at even serious yuckiness. We are also highly privileged to receive twice-weekly refuse collections, but I'm not, not ever, being persuaded to participate in that game.

And so it was, for the first month of our arrival here, that every time my wife and I flushed the toilet we did so with a profound sense of guilt and a large degree of concern that the system would spectacularly implode. Once we'd found our feet (and thanked our lucky-stars that the great plumbing-god had prevented a major incident) I set about discovering why this situation prevails. For those of you interested in substandard sanitation infrastructure, you'll be impressed with the findings of my extensive research.

A) Bowl/Cistern installations. Mostly modern, sufficient outlet bore, sufficient delivery from stored water. (It was noted that, in high-frequency environments, low feed-pressure may not be adequate to refill to a satisfactory level between each employment).

B) Outlet/Discharge installations. Adequate bore, specified occasionally at minimum (but normally exceeding) industry guidelines.

C) Inspection/Maintenance installations. In almost all cases, considered unsuitable and in need of modification to current industry standards.

So there you have it. The whole system falls apart because of a part that you should never need unless there's a problem. The problem-solver causes the problem and has done, island-wide, for years. It's simply astounding that in 90% of system failures the unblocking bit causes the blockage in the first place, but why?

Well, quite simply, tradition.

The manholes, inspection chambers, rodding points - call them what you will - have since time immemorial been built using the same, stupid, method. Lined with rough-cast concrete, they shred the toilet paper as it attempts to pass through and holds onto it as only a good limpet could.

I've changed ours for €20's worth of smooth bore plastic that has been available on the market for decades. We flush with abandon. Guilt (and mess) free.

Sometimes, Koumbari-mou, Cypriot people never learn.

I should have known better than reading this while eating ice cream.

My husband has this thing about British fireplaces. Open fires? Chimneys that go straight up? Chimneys that go straight up on the outside wall of the house? Chimneys that go straight up built so that the chimney column is sticking out from the flush wall of the house? Do we have ANY idea how much heat we lose from this???!!! (He tends to have to go and kick something at this point).

I am impressed that you researched it. In Russia, the little used toilet paper box existed in public toilets and workplaces, but not at home. I never actually bothered to question why.

Great series, really great.