h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If there's one thing that I can never quite fathom, it's the large proportion of Brits who come on holiday to Cyprus. Actually, I understand why they come, but I don't understand why they behave the way that they do when they get here.

I know this may be somewhat of a generalisation, but why do so many appear to have surgically-detached their brains and left them at home before flying 3500kms?

Cyprus is an island full of culture and history - we've got thousands of years worth - and it's very easy to find. Why, then, do so many Brits spend their entire holiday in the Kings Sword or Del Boys munching on bacon butties or fish'n'chips? What is the rationale behind booking 14 nights all-inclusive and then never leaving the hotel and venturing into new territory? I'm sure they get back to work and say things like "We had a great holiday, Cyprus is wonderful, really hot".

If that's your idea of a holiday, I suppose I could excuse your lack of adventure. However, those very same people have absolutely no lack of adventure when it comes to making fools of themselves and trashing Britains once-great reputation. I really do *not* want to see your beer-gut and sweaty Speedo's while I'm in the supermarket, thank you. You don't do it in ASDA, why do it here? A colleague of mine reports that she saw a woman, topless, in the Bank of Cyprus in Paralimni! I'd be a little taken aback if I'd seen it in Agia Napa, though not completely surprised. But Paralimni? It's not as if we're a tourist hotspot or even have a beach within walking distance. It beggars belief.

While I'm on the subject of Agia Napa, let's make a few other observations. Napa, the one-time club-capital of the world, still has a bit of a reputation. If you are looking for culture, make sure Napa is not on your must-do-list of places to visit during summer. To visit Napa in high-season, you must be less than 30 years old or drunk. It's usually both. Bars open all day often from 9am until 2am. Clubs open at 12am until 8am. You can imagine the carnage.

Interestingly, the Cyprus constitution limits the number of police to maximum of 1 per 200 citizens. In addition, the police can only operate on their 'patch'. Agia Napa's population at the last census was 2693. That means a total of 13.5 bobbies controlling up to 750,000 party animals. Bearing in mind that of the 13.5, half will be working days, some will be on holiday and some off on the 'sick'.

Only in Cyprus.

I've never understood this attitude to travelling: if you're just going to get blitzed, do it at home and save yourself a few hundred quite. If you're drinking so much that you're insensate then what does the climate matter to you?

I guarantee if I ever come the Cyprus, the last thing I'll be doing is clubbing all night and then recovering the next day - what an absolute waste.

I avoid the 'usual' tourist spots like the plague. I prefer the isolation of hills, moors and mountains.
I think I mentioned on day 1 of your journal, its a sad fact that when Cyprus is on the news its usually about Brits misbehaving, to put it mildly, or about a clash on the divide between the 2 halves. Either such clashes are now few and far between or they don't make the news like they used to, drunk brits/tourist do make the news sadly.