h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Off to Brighthelmstone for a Rankin Booklaunch/Signing/party type thing, a bit nervous for a variety of reasons, money, forgetting my way around, being around so many people, not fitting it and all that kinda ballcocks...

I'm sure I'll have a great time, once I've dragged myself down there, gonna chech out the Daleks that invaded several weeks ago too...

Take care...
Avernus.

Daleks

Have a great time.

I didn't get to see the Daleks, may try again in the coming weeks...
Did get myself a signed and dedicated first edition copy of Robert's new book.
He greeted me personally when I went into the bookshop, which was cool. And Sally gave me all 12 of the badges that go with the new novel.
At the after party stupid bloody intrusive thoughts coming from my inner critic, about how no-one likes me, no-one wanted me to be there etc, etc, etc, got me the closest to burning myself I've been in 6 and a half months... But the lovely Tim and the Grand Sproutmaster Robert did a great job of proving the thoughts to have no foundation in reality, made laugh and generally set about helping me to really enjoy the evening...

See! You are liked! Having your favourite author welcome you personally - WOW! And *also* them spending time on you, cheering you up, making you feel good! Nobody does that for people they do not like, only nice guys get that sort of kindness!

I am so glad you had a good time, in good company!



Milla

Glad you had such a great time, Nyxkind. The closest I've come to doing the fan thing is with MrFlay, but I've gotta say, it's great fun and it's good to have a bit of adventure in your life.

As to the mental self-flagellation, I find myself getting like that whenever I have to do social stuff. The more pressure I feel under to make a good impression, and the more successful I am at giving one, the worse it feels afterwards. Is that how it is with you?

I can have a real problem with exposing myslef to hurt. A fear of rejection and humiliation. At Sproutlore events I know there's gonna be alot of people around that I either already do like or am going to like, not too mention Robert and Sally. So part of what I'm afraid of is people seeing me as I see myself and part of what I'm afraid of is them being right to see me that way.

"Look at that big fat fuckw*t, god he's got a face not even a mother could love..."
"Have you heard him talk? Feck!, he's a cretinous bore and a pathetic sycophant."
"Jeez he's he's got a nerve showing his face in public, people like that should just kill themselves, put us out of their misery!"
"Look at him wearing all black, what does he think he is? A goth, can't really pull off elegantly wasted at half a tonne."

Why on earth should they!?

If anyone feels the need to make somebody feel miserable, it is usually because she is miserable herself. So that can be ignored.

If you are at ease with yourself, it's easy to be kind to others - unless the other one is mean spirited. And you are NOT mean, so ordinary people should have an easy time being OK towards you.

I know you don't think too highly of yourself, but I have NOT seen that you make others feel bad about themselves, so why should anyone hurt you because you are unhappy???

I realise that I can't really change the way you feel, but at least I can point out that while you are very bright in some ways, you don't always have a clear mind about others' views of you

Many hugs
Milla

I understand your worries on that score, Nyx. It's great that you don't allow that to stop you from doing the things you enjoy. I like the fact that, despite your demons, you continue to be yourself rather than striving towards some notion of perfection that's imposed by someone else.

I caught sight of my reflection in a window some time back, when I was feeling particularly scummy and shy. Bag-lady image aside, I was surprised at how much more confident I looked than I felt. I guess the important thing is to remember that people can only see what you show them.

I'm sorry to see that the "big fat f'ckwit" comment is still smarting, as you are *not* a big fat fuckwit. You're just big-boned. I'm just messin' with ya. You look friendly, interesting, pleasant and intelligent. As, in fact, you are. I can't work out what it is about you that's supposed to be ugly, so I guess it's a matter of self-worth. Milla's right in what she said.

Rape me my friend...
Am I only one?
Am I only one?

As thus is the risk one runs when you have more tabs open than you have brain cells.
Appy polly loggies... that was intended for the 'Song Line Conversation Game' thread.

"I caught sight of my reflection in a window some time back..."

Y'know, I hate it when I catch my reflection when I'm not ready for it. It's a very unpleasent experience... really can't stand it.

"It's great that you don't allow that to stop you from doing the things you enjoy."

Thank you.
That's why I don't have time for the kinda opining that made me decide to move onto this space.

"I was surprised at how much more confident I looked than I felt."

*Tries not to ruminate on what he sees in the mirror*

I think I've had the impression from some that I can look very different from how I'm feeling...

"I guess the important thing is to remember that people can only see what you show them."

I don't know that I agree with that... Or maybe I just would phrase it that way... I'll have to ponder on that.

"I'm sorry to see that the "big fat f'ckwit" comment is still smarting,"

It wasn't... and isn't. I've described myself as much worse and much the same many times before Suz's bestest pal ever did.

"I can't work out what it is about you that's supposed to be ugly"

My face. My body. My self.