h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yesterday I had this feeling of being betrayed. As I had the day before too. The person I felt betrayed by was my therapist.
Today I feel like everyone is having a go at me.
I'm not sure of wether it's reasonable to have felt/feel like this.

I would say it's not unusual... My boss constantly is on my about different things, and he constantly puts the burden of proof on me when he isn't doing his job to challenge the orders of others and just tells me to do everything rather than what´s important.

Oufff. Went off on a tangent there. But sometimes it does feel like the world is doing it's worst to make you crack. And perhaps sometimes it is, but then usually it is just a bad spot... So your feelings seem reasonable enough!

I hope you find trust in your therapist again - perhaps she is just having a rough time herself?



Milla

"The person I felt betrayed by was my therapist."

I have felt betrayed by every therapist I've seen, without exception. I don't think any of them are perfect, and the best one can do is milk them for everything they do well. Occasionally, I find I've misjudged or misunderstood one of them, or failed to see the long-term aim in one of their actions; but often it's that there's a particular thing that they're just no good at. One can excuse them on the grounds that they're only human, but when one's health is at stake, it's rather harder to do.

"Today I feel like everyone is having a go at me."

What I find quite often with my M.E. is that people are unable to understand. It's outside of their experience, and I imagine the same can be said for severe depression. What are they having a go at you about? Might it be ignorant but concerned attempts to help you?

It is sometimes too easy for me to forget that my therapist and my GP are not *real* friends.
And it makes me feel like a pathetic freak when something reminds me that they're just part of a careteam type thing.
I was feeling fragile so I guess that's why everything felt like an attack on me.

Is the fragility going away a bit?

Milla

"It is sometimes too easy for me to forget that my therapist and my GP are not *real* friends."

Oh yes, that's hard to deal with sometimes. You have my sympathies. I remember going to see my counsellor when I hadn't booked an appointment, because I was having a failure to cope. She was a whole different person. As Milla says, I hope you're feeling less vulnerable today.

These days I have the opposite problem, of trying to maintain a professional distance between myself and my osteopath. He's a great guy, but he sees me naked on a regular basis and he knows my darkest secrets, so things could get awkward if I included him in my social life.

I feel less fragile. Now I feel 'odd'.

My friend, you *are* odd.

(In a good way.)

This may be true.

But I'm also experience a sense or feeling of oddness, that defies other description than 'I feel odd'.

I think odd might be better than fragile.

I have spent the day not belonging... Sitting through seminars because I didn't have the energy to challenge boss to get out of it, and so since much of the contents are over my head, I just sat it out. As an observer.

Going back to a 'dinner' in a few minutes, and expect not to belong there either.

Milla

Off on a tangent here, but:

Milla, your post struck me because in a few days' time I'm teaching a creative writing class about travel writing. One exercise I'm thinking of giving them involves writing an account of a time when they were somewhere they didn't fit in--e.g. at a special dinner. The idea would be to write about it as though it's a foreign place, with strange customs and people, unusual foods with meaningless names, and so on. It'd be amusing to read that kind of account in your journal--you could really make fun of the whole seminar and dinner thing, and how you coped with being an alien.

Go on. You know you want to.

I do. But I'm too lazy.

M