h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

heaven doesn't want me and hell's afraid I'll take over

neither know I'm an atheist

I am living proof it is entirely possible to be 100%normal by "normals" definition; which is obviously bloody mad, yet also apparently "not normal"; yet i am apparently much more normal than Le Viking; who was declared "normal, but with a nasty papa" so is entitled to be "sociopathic" ie: be nasty to the very small number of non-normal people who actually try & help him.

Example: He is 53, i am 52. I have learned through experience that Hot water taps scald & hurt, so before you putyour hand under a tap, check if it's on hot side or cold.

Cookers are hot, sometimes very hot. If you are removing a dish from an oven, use a cloth/oven glove to protect yourself from burnt hands.

If you spill stuff on lino type floors, wipe it up straight away; or you may slip & hurt yourself.

Banisters on staircases are there for a reason, to hold onto, not just decorative. Lights on staircases are vital unless you have been blind for a long time, know the layout etc.

At night, it's a good idea to lock the front door, have some sort of alarm system,(a tinkly bell & large pewter sculpture work fine) make sure you have tissues, water, medicines; mobile phone; within reach, have fed cat, checked heat sources are off & looked at calendar to see if there really is any need to *not* go back to sleep unless you need a pee tomorrow.

These things do not appear by magic:

Toilet paper
Bread
Cat Litter
Cat Food
Stuff to put on bread

They are essentials of life & need getting With Money from a Shop. Otherwise you need to get a Wife; expensive & a huge hassle.

Common Sense starts around this point, some folks just won't get it & will have to fork out for a wife.

He has learned none of these things & forked out on 2 wives & numerous GF's, who have all given up on a man who screams "WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's HOT!"

Fine line between "slow learner" & "user".....

zdt