h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, I'm not standing

However, I wanted to bring you all a crucial message about the presidential elections. Without wanting to sound like I'm involved in campaigning for him, I just wanted to let you know that 2legs U169793 is standing. Thank goodness, eh?

Of course, I'm not biased at all, as I say. I've only met him once, at last years Christmas meet (which, incidentally, he spends *days* organising), but I was struck by what a genuine, warm-hearted, but somehow rugged and interesting chap he was. Needless to say, he held the room in the palm of his hand by sheer force of magnetic personality alone. I remember thinking to myself what a great role-model and influence he would be, to newbie researchers and old hands alike. If only he had a chance to show The People what he can do, I thought. Well, blow me if that chance isn't here, if only the people would realise and come out in their droves to support him. As, in a just and fair world, they should. I'm sure the hootoo community are intelligent enough to take this chance to vote 2legs, and if they don't, they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

For here is a friend of badgers and hamsters!! A personal friend of Elton!!! A man who lightens our conversation lists with unintelligable journals!!!!

Without any bias whatsoever, he is a man of intense family values. Ha, you may say, this *single* man? But so devoted is this man to what he holds dear that he spurns, yes spurns, literally dozens of female admirers every day due to his committment to the noble cause of nighthoover. He has carried the standard through the dark days of hooverless nights, dedicated to the last, and when nighthoover does return to his rightful place, it is sure that he will speak to 2legs first. Who but 2legs would turn his back on the shallow trappings of real life for the most celebrated cause on hootoo? I see no hands going up.

And, without wanting to say too much in support of this great man for fear of being accused of campaigning, it's clear that 2legs has been the guiding force in annual meets for many years. But not just in London. It's a little known fact that, in 2003, 2legs organised a special hootoo meet at Landmannalaugar Hot Springs, Iceland. Of course this took immense preparation and commitment from this handsome, dashing young man, and literally hundreds of hootooers raced to Iceland for the meet. Final numbers could not be confirmed, as everyone was in their swimming trunks and therefore did not wear name badges. The only embarrassment was that no-one actually said hello to each other, presuming they were all tourists, but nontheless the event was a resounding success. Well done 2legs!

We all know what qualities we look for in a President. He or she must be charismatic, dependible, intelligent, attractive, reliable, optimistic, unflappable (notwithstanding US presidents). I'm sure 2legs would be blushing if he read this, as he's very modest too, but he is certainly the embodiment of all these characteristics. I often think what a shame it is that he wasn't around in Greek times, as his statue would surely have been made it eight wonders of the ancient world (though this might have buggered up the tidy numbering system they had for these things), and his thoughts would have made mincemeat out of that Socrates fellow. I'm sure some of the other candidates might have one or less of these qualities, but *all* of them? Without wanting to make too much of this fantastic fellow's attributes, when I think of a positive character trait, I think of 2legs.

And a President must be able to hold his hands up and take responsibility when things aren't quite right (a rare occurrance in the life of 2legs, as I'm sure you know!!) Unselfishly, he even has a thread where people can blame him for any random event in their lives, whether it's his fault or not!! Check out F19585?thread=607652 - he gets blamed for everything yet still comes through it like a giant of a man. A collossus. Or have a look at F16034?thread=653422, where he takes advice on what he should be doing right now. A man who genuinely and honestly listens to the public.

I don't want to be accused of bias towards the 2legs campaign. Really and truly, if you are silly enough to want to vote for someone else, who am I to tell you that you would be being ridiculous? If people vote against 2legs, that is their own choice and I'm sure they have their reasons - far be it for me to point out the error of their naive ways!! I'm sure all decent, honest and intelligent members of the community will be able to make up their own minds without one of their number having to point out the many genuine reasons to vote 2legs!!!

Anyway, I don't want to go on too much - I'll be getting accused of campaigning on his behalf next!!



(Incidentally, you can join his campaign here - A5641931. But I'm sure you all have already!)

Oh my God!.. Excuse me.. I think I just wet myself!

You just wanna be his running mate, don't you?

You do know that he's a communist, right?

Well, it would be an honour, but I'd be afraid that I wouldn't measure up to the stature of the great man. I just thought I'd mention, as most people are clearly thinking, that a better candidate is inconcievable. I know these are the thoughts of right-minded people all over, but I just thought I'd give those two million thoughts a voice. Nothing more, I assure you

Eh heh. You're definitely angling for something.

I've just looked up 'communist' in the out-of-print (and therefore unobtainable) ancient Greek dictionary I have lying around, Jodan. It says 'One who has the best interests of the community at heart [derivation: hootoo]'.

If that is true, I'll certainly be voting for him!!

Pinko commie propaganda.

Tsk, tsk, Jodan, if that's your view of politicians you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. I adhere to the good old fashioned British principle of wanting to see the right person in the top job. I went to great lengths to state that I'm not biased, and still you're cynical

F2520084?thread=982868

Bring it on.

I didn't even know we had a president!

A444827

So, is this going to be the biggest erection on hootoo?

If i vote for 2legs, can i stand for the position of Minister of Typoos?

zdt

Most certainly can you stand for the position of minister as you 9indicate It is warming to see that such support exists in the communityk, but moreso is it fantastic to find out how intutitive peopole are to the means and methods of the campaign on to which we have but yet made the first tentitive steps

Communism is alright, it just gets annoying when people say socialism is a form of communism.

IT IS NOT, PEOPLE!

Socialism is the parent. Communism is a form of socialism.

not that i'm currantly either.

Jodan, calling someone a communist is about the highest compliment you could pay them! And I thought you were supporting Hypatia!

I didn't call him a communist He admitted it, I think. Somewhere. Not going to check though. Don't care enough.

Are you a communist, Gnomon?

I espouse the principles of communism without totalitarianism. Like the Buddha, I think that owning things causes people a lot of pain, and that who you are friends with is more important than what you have. But I'm not going to storm the pastille! I'll gnaw away at the roots, by the power of suggestion.

I think communism got a bad name from the totalitarian nature it often came with. For Soviet Russia, I have little more patience than Joe McCarthy. Communism's a government that has to be run carefully and without totalitarianism, as you say.

...and my point is, we're going to put KING 2legs in charge?

We are? I thought we were going to put Gnomon in charge!

We are? I thought we were going to put Jod-er, I mean, Hypatia in charge!