h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've just finished the best summer of camps I've ever had, and it almost didn't happen at all. I almost turned my back on it for good.

Last year was exhausting and stressful, partly, I think, because I was still trying to prove myself to the organisation that runs them, hoping to get a chance to show what I could do at another level. The year had also ended on a bit of a low, when we went ahead with a camp against the weather forecast's advice and took a bunch of kids out on what was probably the most depressing experience of their outdoor lives. By the end of the year, I was wearily telling people that I'd always said I'd give it up when it became just a job; that it was a young man's game; that I'd like to go back to being a volunteer until I'd recaptured the spirit of the thing. Looking back, I was preparing my exit speech already.

Against this background, I failed to get the centre-based job in March. At the moment I clicked I clicked on the email, my life was at a crossroads. I felt that now I'd be an outdoor education tutor or a hotelier, and this was the moment that would decide which. The coin came down on the wrong side. I took the news calmly; went outside and drank four Manhattans in the Gambian sun, ate a particularly hot curry, and got smashed. The next day, I wrote a little piece about my thoughts at the time. It's still saved in my 'Post Articles' folder on my netbook, but it will never appear there. It's a spectacular bit of writing; full of self-loathing, resentment and cocksure arrogance, but an utterly joyous read. Think Paul Simonen whacking his bass onto the stage and you get the idea.

But in a day or two, I was calm and rational again. Opening that email had changed me. My fate had been in the hands of three interviewers, and they had decided that I wasn't going to be an outdoor education tutor. I didn't have to battle between family and career any more; somebody else had made that decision for me. I didn't need to be driven any more. I could relax and be happy with drawing a comfortable living at the hotel. It all felt extraordinarily liberating. I didn't want to give up the camps completely; I just wanted to do them for fun again, with no pressure and nothing to prove. Most of all, I wanted to enjoy the summer, not feel I had to give up all my time chasing rainbows.

When I got home, I went and had a couple of pints with the guy who runs the camps and told him how I was feeling. Fortunately, I've known him for eight years and was able to be totally honest with him, and he understood how I was feeling completely. Around the same time, one of the other staff rang me to catch up and said she was hoping we'd get some camps together. We agreed to check in with one another before sending back our availability to ensure we'd be able to work together a few times. It felt like it would be a good summer.

And it has been. All the camps went spectacularly well. Relaxed and happy, I communicated with and inspired my groups better than ever and got glowing feedback as a result. I renewed old friendships and forged new ones. Everyone, without exception, has had really good things to say about me. And the final camp was stunning; it was the second 'back-to-back' camp (meaning I did two in a row; normally run entirely on caffeine) and 'solo' (no support staff to share the workload with, just two volunteers) and it rained. All that should have made it hell, but it was a breeze. Funny how easy life is when you take your foot off the gas and cruise, and take a little time here and there to stop and enjoy the view.

The footnote to all this is that I was oddly homesick while I was away this year. I felt uncomfortable leaving my normal life behind to go and play in the woods, and found myself pining for home surprisingly often. Although I've enjoyed this season more than most, I'm relieved to be home for good.

Glad you did go then, in the end!

You make me really regret not doing more with my summer

I was thinking when we were traipsing around Ireland how nice it was to be *away* from my routine, and spending the day outdoors

It turned out well after all, then.
A little homesickness isn't necessarily a bad thing either. It's a sign of something good to come back to.

Hi Skanky

I'm pleased to hear that everything has worked out well despite the first hurdle. It seems you can have the best of both worlds and that's great. I know what it's like to have your heart set on something only to have it hurt. However, in my case it has made me arrive at a new perspective. Play to the things I have enjoyed and start working on that wish list. In my eyes you are doing this and living the dream.

Opti

I read you post and found myself thinking you have finally reached maturity Of course you could take that the wrong way and think i'm saying 'you're getting old'

*Thinks: who's Paul Simenon, and why is he abusing that fish?*

Glad you've come out the other side, Rich. I always knew there was a Basil Fawlty struggling to get out of that Ray Mears exterior.

Rich, I hope you feel more settled now and that feeling continues. I have missed you around here



Websailor

These journals are always worth the read

(By the way, what's this about summer being over? I haven't been outside yet )

There's no truth to that at all, Alex. Summer's still very much with us - there was rain for eight hours today.

, Alex