h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, now I know it's a bit rude to ask you lot to make my dinner, but you (especially the vegan readers) have never let me down once.

So I have

Lentils (ie real lentils- red ones)
Chick peas
Split yellow peas

And want to make a delectable creamy stewy thing. With no bacon.

What could I do?

(I also have various spices, and onions of course.)

I've got a recipe book in front of me now, doing the week's meal planning (which I hardly ever stick to). Let's see what it says for lentils and things:

While I'm leafing through it, here's some useless information. Did you know that there is actually a place in Germany called "Linsengericht" (which means lentil dish)

And now is the time to ask, because most of them need a few hours' soaking unless you have a pressure cooker, in my experience.

When you have soaked them for a while, take a few out and put them on the windowsill to sprout for another meal in a few days' time.

OK right, well, I've had to go to another book with loads of recipes for this sort of thing.

How about: Puréed yellow peas with pistachio butter - simmer 200g yellow peas in half a litre of water for an hour and a half. Puree them and reduce to a thicker consistency without a lid on hot. Add salt and butter and keep warm. Serve with mushrooms, radicchio and pistachios, all fried separately (one after another) in butter.

I expect you can find an alternative for raddicchio or pistachios which you are unlikely to have.

For the lentils: they suggest a cassoulet. Boil up the lentils with dried cepes, for an hour, then add stock cube or some sort of flavouring or seasoning. Cut an apple, a cucumber and spring onions into small cubes and fry them in butter for a bit. Mix the lentils and the other ingredients all together and put them in a casserole. Crumble some wholemeal bread over it and bake for about 5 minutes. Serve with a sauce made from yoghurt and cream stirred together and garnished with some of the green from the spring onions.

For chick peas, there's a recipe for a hot pot with lots of tomatoes and garlic.

I haven't tried any of the recipes but the book is generally very reliable.

There - I enjoyed writing all that. If I hadn't just had breakfast, I would be feeling hungry just from reading the recipes!

spicey OK?: Veg dal...

err I can never remember the otter lentils.... red split are the easiest, as they cook quicker the split yetllow...... err, is that the same as channa dal I think? (err, the nomenclature confuses the eck out of me with beans, lentals etc, as so many differnt snames for the same things, and differnt things, often end up with simular but differnt names).

Get ya red lentils on the go, with plenty of water (after rinsing the lentils), with a tin of chopped toamtos thrown in.

Fry, cumin seed, mustard seed, ajwain (err, ok you've probably not got Ajwain took me ages to find it ), err, plus anything else spice wise you might want (corianda ground might be good too).
Throw in a ton of onion (half chopped, half cut into err slices/strips), a green chilli or two (if you want; or you can put the green chillis into the pan with the lentils in).

if your not wanting meat...... maybe a ton of mushrooms in with the tarka (that which your frying),

oh, and some garlic and ginger, I forgot that

when lentils nearly done, throw the tarka on top, mix in a bit; add any more water/stock to get desired consistancy takes as long as it takes to cook the red split lentals.... err.... not done lentals in ages... (15 to 20 minutes? maybe a bit more)....

Think the channa dal, and other lentals all take longer to cook... I like the mix though, of having some differnt lentals, like channa and red split, to go into a dansak...

Oo... you could do a dansak... a mushroom heavy one would be nice and veggy and creamy, but spicey of course

If you want more veg, or not so muchroom heavy (I'm kinda addicted to mushrooms), maybe some spinich?; you could probably just bung that into the very nearly cooked red split lentals; and it'd just 'melt' down in that fairly quickly, and that useually helps make it nice and creamy as well as teh flavour of course (I struggle with spinich.... part of my mind is convinced, no doubt from Childhood experiences, that I really* really* don't like it.... yet I should* know that actually I do* like it...)

Some of the more substantial lentals might work with a creamy coconut type thing? (not something I've tried though....)
*thinks*
I've not cooked l lentals in years though... so you might want to double check anything I've said, as I've probably entirely misremembered the spices and stuff

but.... are you really* sure you want to diss the bacon idea,? really?

Holy baloney. I just absent-mindedly ate two small green chillis whilst looking in the spicey cupboard. I've no idea why I did that and I advise against it.

Right. Here's the plan:

-One third real lentils
-Two thirds yellow boyos
-No thirds chick peas

-Rinse them and set them on a low heat

-and then while they simmer I can decide what to do with the rest!

I don't really want to use tomatoes, I'd rather rely on the unctuousness of the creamy lentils themselves, but I am not ruling them out completely.

This will be gorgeous.

Ooh I need some plain yoghurt to make a yoghurty drink with it! Chilled plain yoghurt with a tincture of soda water...

I *seriously* overestimated the amount of dried pulses I needed.

Oh well, there's no such thing as too much unctuous lentils. Only inappropriate saucepans. (That's next week's lunches sorted )

Lentils are impossible to estimate, from dry weight! : strnage, I'm spot on with rice, bulghur etc... but lentils.... well, its always* best to make too much rather than too little

If you want it extra umptiously scrumptiously creamily lentilly, you can always remove asides 1/3 of the pot of lentils, and give it a bit of a blitz in a blender (or do it directly in the pan, if you have such an attachment to do such a thing (which I do ) ; but don't lbitx all of them... you'll want some* texture afterall damnit... now I want lentils! and I must start finishing off what I've got in the fridge, before I go away Wednesday... which means salad, potatos, coleslaw, mackerel, oughta be used up... damnit... and the mushrooms I forgot about, if they're still vaguely edible (hmm... maybe mushroom risotto tomorrow night... )

If I had those three items in the pantry (nad I do), I'd be thinking of lentil loaf, hummus and pease pudding Would you like any of those recipes? Well, pease pudding and hummus recipes you find any where on teh interwebz so I'll leave those in your hands, but the lentil loaf recipe I use is from an old Cranks cookbook and it's delicious.

This almost looks like the one, but she's changed a few of the ingredients. There are mushrooms in the original recipe http://thinlyspread.co.uk/2011/01/17/meat-free-monday-cheese-and-lentil-loaf/

If you want the original I can pull out the book... after I've had my early morning cuppa.

Now I'm all covered in turmeric and I look a bit like I've got hepatitis. I'm sorta smiley-coloured.

Right, all that remains to be done is to let the lentils sit for a few hours, lob a bit of oil in the pan, fry my spicy mixture, and integrate it all together when I get back at dinner time!

Actually, your post earlier, about eating the green chillis... reminds me of the time when I was a student... I'd not eaten for about a day or so... and had been drinking... was quite hugnover, and on the train... and was suddenly starving hungry... and the only thing I had on me, for some reason I can't now remember, was a bag full of fresh, long green chillis... yeh. I sat on teh train and munched my way through nearly the entire bag but I was so* hungry

I did the same thing a few weeks ago, but with a Scotch bonnet. For about ten seconds there was a beautiful, sweet, complex taste. What happened afterwards wasn't pretty. First my nose started running. Then my eyes started watering. Then simultaneous hiccups and sneezes started. I ended up running to the toilet and throwing up. I won't try that one again.

Verdict on the lentil thingy: not bad! I added turmeric, cumin seeds, pepper, ginger, onion. What it really lacked was a bit of carrot. I knew that at the start, but I didn't have any. I do, however, need to stop buying onions. God knows how many onions I found when looking for a carrot!

The lentil loaf one definitely sounds interesting, Gosho!

Turns out it's not Cranks, but here it is anyway.

175g (6 oz) split red lentils
225g (8 fl oz) water)
1 bay leaf
125g (4 oz) grated cheese
1 medium onion, finely chopped
50g (2 oz) mushrooms, finely chopped
40g (1½ oz) fresh breadcrumbs
1 tbsp chopped parsley
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 egg
salt and pepper
butter and dried breadcrumbs for lining the tin

Put the lentils, water and bay leaf in saucepan and gently simmer, uncovered, until the lentils are tender and all the liquid absorbed - about 20 minutes. Remove the bay leaf.

Set the oven 190°C/375°F/gas mark 5. Prepare a 1lb loaf tin by putting a strip of baking parchment in the base. Butter the sides of the tin and coat with dried breadcrumbs.

Add the grated cheese, onion, mushrooms, breadcrumbs, chopped parsley, lemon juice and egg to the lentils, mixing well. Season with salt and pepper. Spoon the mixture into the tin and level the top. Bake, uncovered, for 45-60 minutes until firm and golden-brown on top.

Hmm... all of a sudden that sounds a lot nicer for a late-night snack with a late-night bottle of beer than chicken hearts.

Darn...you said vegan...

I always used to make lentil soup with a soup bone, then keep it simple with some onions, potatoes, and diced carrots. I know zilch about this creamy stuff.

That's a good old stand-by, too!

It's amazing how cheap lentils are, to make a big substantial meal from. That bag's about 1lb, cost maybe 60 pence, and I must have made about five or six meals and it's not even half done.

I made sure my kids learned to love - and to cook - lentil soup as a present for their student days, because of its being economic, filling, and just plain good for you.

And as for >>Now I'm all covered in turmeric and I look a bit like I've got hepatitis. I'm sorta smiley-coloured.<< - I wish we still had Quotes of the Day!

If I ever* get round to having my kitchen ripped out and replaced; I'm seriously thinking of just having the entire kitchen done in 'turmeric' colour... It always ends up like that anyhow, after a while, so one might as well speed the process along

OOO! this thread may have inspired me :: The last two cooked hock of hams I bought; I froze both the bones (no doubt with some attached meat), I know this thread was about a vegan/beggy option, with the pulses; oo, red split lentals, and boiled with one of the ham bones that oughta work, right? ultra cheap food for days...

I used to get lentils and bulghur wheat, and stuff like that from the supermarket; supermarkets are always cheaper right? nah... I get the bulghur from a vegan hippy shop (cheaper than Tescos bulghur, and strangely its tastier too), and get the lentils and beans from the little Asian/Indian supermarket where I buy my seeds and spices (again, cheaper than Tescos), Oddly enough, the tilda basmati rice, is cheaper from the shop I buy my cigarettes from (the corner shop that isn't on the corner next to my house), for a 5 KG bag

Now i just wish I knew more about lentils, and beans and stuff when I was a studen; just think of all the extra beer money I'd have had

I've often found that the cheapest place to buy things like rice, pulses, herbs, spices, and especially tea, is the Indian (also Chinese) food shops. I was lucky enough to live within walking distance of a couple of really good Indian shops in London, and once you've seen the price difference there's no going back.

The tea price is especially noticeable here. I can buy an 8oz packet of Yorkshire Tea in a chi-chi supermarket for close to $9.00, or I can buy a 1.5kg bag of tea leaves (they have Tetleys, among others) for about the same price from the Indian shop, and if I can't get there before my tea runs out (it's difficult to get to on the bus) there's a Mediterranean bakery about half mile from here where I can get one-pound packages of all kinds of tea leaves, including Liptons, for around $6.00 (they also have things like Birds Custard Powder, Bisto, Golden Shred, Digestives, and at prices far cheaper than the supermarket).

As much as I like Yorkshire Tea, I ain't paying those prices.

Oh... definately; I'm lucky where I live; I'm just* outside the city center I guess; its a five ten minutes walk to all the town center banks, John Lewis, etc... but, from my house, if I just walk out the front door, and straight ahead over the road (well n nearly stairhgt ahead), then I get into the old Victorian cematory and a loverly walk through there, takes me on to Mill road; which is the real* Cambrige.... Bohemian... independant... and every flavour of ethnic shop just about one can imagine Al amine, is my favorite shop in the world, with all its spices and stuff (an exotic fruit and veg that I dont' even know what it is?!!), and a few doors along, past the International Supermarkete and the Chinese supermarket, I come to the hippy vegan shop... which is where my organic flour comes from, plus other odds and ends I think there's about three differnt Chinese supermarkets there in total (hang on... I've not eaten any Chinese stuff in years ), plus probably some other shops I've never really noticed or had call to discover where there (sadly the little independant bakery, which had been there forever has closed down... ) oh, and the butchers is on Mill Rd too (and open to 4.30 on a Sunday!) Mind, the only thing which spoils the road a bit, is the far far far too many cafes, and generic takeaway/kebab/pizza/chicken places

Aujourd hui ich am tempted to make a pizza to use up leftovers.

Pizza is really overrated. It's just a hot sandwich without a top slice. But for all that, it's a tasty thing.

I'd say it's more like cheese on toast with tomato sauce.

Which is what I've just had for breakfast