h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tesco turnips have given me a sickener. Too small, too soft, and with a leathery texture which is more like the head of the Tollund Man than a proper skull. Uncarvable!

Perfectly edible, though, so there's enough in the freezer to see the winter out stew-wise.

So, one last try tomorrow to find a proper greengrocer's with turnips worthy of the name, and failing that I'll have to surrender. Or call it a tactical retreat until next year, anyway.

The tale of the turnip carver,
his woes, and fears and pain
searching throughout the all of lands, for the perfect carving turnip, in vein.

Oh to find the turnip,
that of my joy it sees, ,
oh to find that turnip,
Carved into creations dream.

hunting to find that turnip,
in store, in shop city and town,
Oh to find that turnip,
never more to place it down.

the hand moveth carefully, to carve and engineer,
the face on turnip perfect, to embody and instil fear.

To carv your turnip for the eve,
when spirits outside run free,
to carve that turnip so perfect, or suffer the non carved turnip misary.

Too soft, too hard,
too small or the wrong shape,
through all such perils the turnip carver must pass,
For the perfect carved turnip to make

I would have nominated that for The Post Halloween edition, except it's already up and running!

I do expect a link or two to carved turnips here.

You can't keep leading us without a carrot (or turnip) after the stick.

I am getting quite curious about what the final product looks like

F S

Oh, don't you worry, I'm getting stubborn about it now. I'll carve *something* this week, even if it has to be a potato.

I could put one of those little tiny birthday cake candles in it!

Hey, while we're talking about it, have you ever seen the carvings some people do on cherry pits? Some of them are amazing!

http://www.hobonickels.org/shamey.htm

While you're on that site you can read about the hobo nickels. They're really interesting, too.

I'm still going with carving pineapples

thinking of soaking pineapple innards in vodka for a while

after the hedgehogging obviously with

pineapple innards, soaked in vodka.... then put on little wooden sticks, with slices of mature cheddar? and a cherry?

Y'know, people here are serving beer from pumpkins these days. Chop the lid off a pumpkin, hollow it out, make a hole for the tap, fit the tap (very important or all the beer ends up on the floor - bad idea), and fill it with beer.

Ah--I was picturing something different until you mentioned the tap--I was wondering how on earth one would drink from a pumpkin Wouldn't it impart a rather... interesting taste? I mean, I love pumpkin everything, but I think it's as much the nutmeg as the actual pumpkin (or maybe the combo).

I've never even eaten pumpkin... Authorities (I.E., people I know who have* eaten it), kinda told me not to bother Mind, I still wanna find somehwere nearby selling the Caladonian pumpkin stout... or porter... wahtever it was called (probably with no pumpkin in it, but just with the name)

I had my first pumpkin beer last night. I had to, to convince all the people who won't shut up about how much I'm going to like it that they're wrong and I know my own taste buds. Well, and you might find this hard to believe, it turns out that they're wrong, I know my own taste buds and I don't like it. Blimey

I like pumpkin pie but those flavours don't belong in beer.

I also like pumpkin and spinach soup

1lb diced fresh pumpkin
1 medium onion
8oz chopped spinach
2 tomatoes
2 pints stock
salt and pepper

First catch your pumpkin. Chop the onion and sauté it in a saucepan until it's transparent. Add a little garlic if you like. Chop the tomatoes and add the pumpkin, tomatoes and spinach to the saucepan along with the stock. Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for about 20-25 minutes. Season to taste.

I find that frozen chopped spinach is perfect for this recipe, and I add a little chilli powder.

Oh, I forgot to add that you purée the soup

Ben made lovely pumpkin soup when we visited her and z in Edinburgh. Well, butternut squash it might have been, but a squash is a squash...

A squash is a squash,
Of course, of coursh,
And no one can talk to a squash, of coursh
That is, of coursh, unless the squash
Is in famous soup made by Ben!

The anual Pumpkin hunt and cull will all end in tears... Yeh... it might be thriving at the moment, in teh wild, but it won't be long, before it goes the way of the wild haggis They should both be protected species

the joy of using pumpkin is you can toast the seeds once you cut it open to carve it...
unfortunately the rest of the flesh goes to waste, so I always buy multiple then i can make pumpkin pie and pumpkin soup and put some in with stew...

Right, better get this show on the road. Two-foot high zombies and suchlike are starting to appear at the door and recite rhymes!

I better finish this turnip before they steal my soul or something.

I discovered the turnip carver's secret weapon: a melon ball scooper thing with a cunningly sharpened edge

The ballard of the turnip carver,
Through woes and heights of pleasure
long and ardueous
to the final goal and realisations.

Though the path may be long, and trecherous,
the end-point so delishious it be,
through all the turnip carver prevails,
for his goal, one day to see.

perfection carved in a root vegetable,
sublime and wonderous to behold,
trils and tribulations,
to carve a turnip, more gleaming than gold.