h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why do Cara Dillon & the childhood Charlotte Church the have "the voice of an angel", if angels are big hairy blokes called things like Gabriel and Michael?

Maybe it should really be "Tom Waits - voice of an angel"?

Just wondering. It's an important question. Not everything with wings sings high-pitched. Ask a magpie, he'll tell you it's so.

And if heaven is full of squeaky wailing sopranos, what's so good about it, for that matter?

Theologians never address that one.

"... I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne... Above him stood the Seraphim [highest order of angels]... The seraphim cry continually to each other, "Holy, holy, holy, is YHWH of hosts: the whole earth is full of His glory."

Can you imgine that for all eternity? No wonder he's a vengeful God. Must have one almighty headache and be in a thoroughly bad mood by now.

Here's another account: "In the late 1st century AD Book of Revelation (iv. 4–8) they are described as being forever in God's presence and praising him: "Day and night with out ceasing they sing: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.'"

They're doing that right now. Have been since creation. Can you imagine how many aspirins God must have got through? He must be saying to himself 'Why did I ever think this was a good idea? '.

Personally, I've always thought angels had very large vocal ranges - rather like a cross between a Russian bass and a castrato. Funny what your imagination does.

I don't think there's anything about it in the Bible. Although Paul said once that 'the Spirit maketh intercession for us, with groanings that cannot be uttered.' I always took that to mean that spirits could make sounds inaccessible to the human voice.

I agree, though. I don't find Charlotte Church and those boys' choirs particularly angelic. Mostly, I find them annoying.

That reminds me of a funny story, though. The German professor was teaching us 'Faust'. One day, we came in complaining.

'Why does Goethe think devils speak English?' we demanded.

'Was zum Teufel?' was the exasperated response.

We pointed to the text:

' Und lispeln englisch, wenn sie lügen...'

'Oh,' he said. 'That's not 'Englisch', that's 'angelic'.'
'

I'd never made the connection between the two englisches before.

There's a description in one of Anne Rice's novels, which I can't exactly remember, but it left me with the impression of angels' singing being a kind if ceaseless stream of sound straight up from the throat...like a roaring stag. Or the sound equivalent of projectile vomiting.

(I'm not sure that's what Anne Rice intended. I think I must have subverted that image in my head a bit. )

Anne Rice will do that.

In Christmas texts you might find the expression "Der englische Gruß" which is extremely misleading and is simply the adjective relating to "Engel" - angel.
I have never managed to form an audio-image in my head of what the angels singing to the shepherds were supposed to have sounded like. There are so many versions of it set to so many kinds of music that it's hard to think up one of your own.

They had harps and psalters (whatever they are) so I am assuming it was an unplugged version.

Hmm, shepherds. Tough one...how would I sing to shepherds, I wonder.

Shepherds won't listen to you unless you have an old man with you who plays the flute like in this clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSwmk4tuK90&sns=tw

I like that tune. Sounds great.

I think Anthony Burgess did an English translation of that movie. The verse was pretty well rendered as I recall.

And speaking of verse, I'm thinking abou those psalters the angels had. A psalter's a book of psalms...but wouldn't you think an angel would be expected to know all the words by now?

The angels must have been peeved when they had spent an eternity learning all these lyrics of praise, when one day, along comes a whippersnapper who calls himself King David, and makes all these new ones up. I'm sure his name was mud up in the starry firmament when he did that...

I never thought of that.

And then Leonard Bernstein came along:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcF3t-W3Wi8

Be sure to listen for at least 3 minutes - surprise in there.

Sorry, stupid computer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcF3t-W3Wi8

Bernstein does that a lot. He throws things in to make sure nobody's dozing off. And it usually works!

But how could anyone sleep through that lovely tune?

But sleeping along to music is one of life's great joys! It promotes well-being, and can be one of many ways to show appreciation...as long as you don't snore...

According to the ancient Mesopotamians, the bleating of sheep was considered to be especially restful. In and old myth, the gods themselves were lulled by sheep and music...

I don't think I have ever been lulled by a sheep. I've been jostled by sheep, bounced at by over-exuberant bouncing lambs, bitten by sheep, and one time a sheep tried to kick me with a foreleg, which I didn't know they could do. (Neither did he - he just fell over)

You seem to have had some interesting experiences with sheep, there...

I haven't known too many. When I was a teenegar, our mom's good friend, Mrs G, had a pet sheep, Dusty. That sheep was HUGE. They made a blanket from the wool every year. One sheep, one blanket.

Dusty never did anything but sit around, though. No exuberant behaviour.

Now, the sheep that showed up in our bedroom in Samothraki that time was another story. It belonged to the owner of the place where we were staying, and I gathered it served as a wake-up service...

I'm a city boy. Sheep can spot a city boy a mile away. What can I say. But it takes us back to shepherds being hard to sing to!

It does, indeed.