h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now I'm a kinda guy. I don't lose my temper or start fights about politics, or football, or anything, really.

But I do love my weekend Irish Times. It's a proper newspaper. The old-school type of newspaper that weighs half a ton and employs a horticultural columnist who actually writes her own copy AND knows what she's talking about. This is a rarity.

The weekend Irish Timeses were stolen from the shop. That I can deal with. But when they offered me a free Daily Mail instead, I felt violated.

how you holding up?

This is petty but I have an old cat that isn't very housetrained (we got him when he was od so unlikely to change), he craps in the box room which fortunately isnt carpeted.

Mu Mum reads the daily mail, when she has finished with it I take it off her hands and put it down in spare room, in the places where likes to crap.

It is one of my least favourite chores clearing up after

This allievated by firstly he has crapped on the daily mail, secondly I get a choice of who he gets to crap on, got Cameron and Farage a good 'un the other day

As I said petty, but word has got out an I sometimes get requests of who to put in the 'prime pooing postion'

Nah, seriously - all the dogs and cats can do what they like. But jeez, it's the weekend Irish Times. It's sacrosanct. You pay two quid and get a week's reading.

The father of a friend of mine from the Belfast area did the IT crossword religiously and in very quick time every week. When he died, in his memory, her brother would scan and mail her the crossword, which she then forwarded to us. It was great fun, e-mailing the answers around and slowly filling it in.

Do you do the crossword? How long does it take you?

Did the Daily Hate actually get pushed through your letterbox and land on the floor, and do you have enough cleaning products to remove the contamination?