h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, the effects on TPM were spectacular; they were a spectacle, something to behold. The problem comes from the fact that in the olden days, each effect was so painstakingly crafted that there was seldom space for more than one on the screen. Episodes 4, 5 and 6 benefitted from this with the sense that the screen was being filled even when there was only one character on screen. In TPM, however, there's too much shite on the screen. In the battle where the screen is full of Gunguns and battle droids you can't help feeling that the whole thing should have been shot and exhibited in IMAX to do the sheer quantity of stuff in shot justice. There was only one moment in the film where I got the sense of seeing a Star Wars film of the same power as the rest - when Anakin and Shmi are having their little bye-bye scene and there are only two characters on the screen that nevertheless fill it. There's also the prblem with the lightsabres - fans are still thrilled when one is one the screen, no matter what it happens to be doing. Whilst the final battle is extremely fast and very good, it somehow detracts from the true purpose of the lightsabre, which is to go "fzzhhmmm" and look cool. With all the effects in the background of the shots, the effect of the lightsabre itself was also lost. Seeing as these are the main thing throughout the entire double-trilogy, there could have been a bit more care taken to preserve the impact they had in 4,5 and 6.

Special effects are part of what Star Wars is all about. I have noticed a few people complaining that there were too many in Phantom Menace. I kind of know where you are coming from but, when it all comes down to it, I WANT lots of special effects! That shield that the Gunguns had was really well done and the scene with the battle droids vs the Gunguns was fantastic (only marred by the unfortunate survival of the vile Jar Jar).

Also, thought the light sabre was finally used correctly in TPM. I have always liked the light sabre - it's pretty to watch and makes a big whoosh sound. But if I was Luke, I think I may have ditched it for something a little more deadly. What is the point in having a the technology to create a laser beam and then just use it to jazz up a sword. It ends up more deadly than a sword but you still have to be right on top of someone to use it. Give me a laser gun anyday!

But, when I saw Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn use the sabres to deflect bullets, break into rooms etc all with incredible grace and beauty I felt I understood the Light Sabre for the first time (help me, I sound like a Derek Anorak).

TPM also confirmed that Luke was basically a crap Jedi!

yeah, they were twirled and went "fzhhhmmmm" and "schwwwwwwwwippp" but they didn't look as good. The yellow pulsey thing that happens when two of them meet was localised to the area of the contact rather than flashing across the whole screen, as it did when Obi-Wan and vader are having it out in the Death Star in E4. The areas in which the fights take place are a little too brightly lit. Yes, the effects with the battle droids and CGI frogs were good but there were too many of them; better to let us see a few on the screen to really appreciate their complexity and photorealism.

No, no, no!
You got it all wrong. Its not the snap-hiss of the ignition, nor the humming of the saber as it slices the air. Its the crackle of the lightsabers pushing against each other when the Jedi are locked in combat: face to face. I could listen to that all day.

The battle with the gunguns and battle droids wasn't enough. I want to see more smashed up droids! They should have had all that "big banga" bombs lined up in a row and pushed it down the hill into the advancing battle droids.

Muahahahah. The slaughter would be fantastic!

Oh, sorry, i forgot myself. Um... the double lightsaber thing was the best idea. The stuntman who acted as Darth Maul with the two line dialogue. I heard a rumour that they might get him to be the young Boba Fett if they include the infamous bounty hunter in the later movies.

You are sooooo right. A double saber is an excellent thing.

It's also fitting that they gave it to Darth Maul. If I was a Jedi, I'd be him. He is mean but has a lot more street cred than the others.... draping yourself in natural fibres may get you in touch with the force but it looks daggy. I wonder if Darth Maul has body piercings????? He looks the type to have a Prince Albert. The more think about this the more I want to meet him!

Nah. Maul's best shot was when Sidious/Palpatine is talking to the Neimoidians (who were shit and sounded like comedy japanese accents) one the videophone doodah and says "This is my new apprentice..." and he appears from nowhere, all cowl'd and menacing. He actually looks tall, too. When Qui-Gonn was sitting down chilling when all the red energy barrier stuff was preventing he and Maul from scrapping, a good comedy touch would have been for the latter to whip out a compact and touch up the voodoo tomato slap.
As for the double-sabre thing, if Gillard is being all thorough and using masses of fencing and martial arts techniques in the choreography, Maul should have done a spot of Kendo when Obi-Wan splices his weapon in twain. Maybe there was but it was removed. maybe we shall see it in twenty years' time when the special edition comes out.

A revelation has hit me!
Just follow me through on this. Many would agree that lightsabers are cool, but lack the range blasters.
What if you had a fully automatic lightsaber blaster! Hear me out. A big gun that fires a rapid hail of ignited lightsabers at the target. The slaughter! After your done killing bad dudes, just go and pick up the lightsabers embeded into the walls.

Now i just need someone to fund my plans and to rent a warehouse to start manufacture.

This has real merit. Firstly, you could kill bulk baddies quickly and efficiently. Secondly, it would make an excellent circus trick, a high tech equivalent of throwing knives at the chick in the fur bikini.

You could also use it as a long distance meat roast cutter, or long destance bread cutter, hell you can use it for any long distance cutter.
Or, in an emergency when the Coruscant is under attack, the Jedi knights would have to do is walk out the door while my invention shoots the lightsabers into the air. The Jedi would simply do quick sumersault and grab the lightsaber ready for battle. Saves effort of carrying it around.

Now about that funding...

kinda like Dark Helmets Shwartz ring in space balls

kinda like Dark Helmets Shwartz ring in space balls. it shot beams as well as being a functional sabre.

Interesting! I didn't know you could get fx in forum listings!
Know any more tricks??

Also, with the advent of the computer background, the scenery has suffered. Before, with the Originals, you got the feeling that each and every creature, building, vehicle, and even each and every star was placed with painstaking precision and care. Now, they just throw a few codes into the computer and you get a ready made world.

He couldn't use both parts of the saber. The actual saber/power source/crystal is most likely on the one side, and the other is just another blade emmiter, so that it can't function alone. That's the explanation I see, anyway.

Correct. Darth Maul's lightsaber had a single power cell. The question I've been wondering about is what would happen if you dropped a lightsaber point-down. Would it dig to the center of the planet?