h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: PUPPS - Itchiness in Pregnancy - A2769221
Author: mightyAyesha - U766581

Hi guys,

This is my first entry, and I'm a bit nervous about it, I must say.

It's about an itchy skin condition in pregnancy called PUPPS. I sufferred from this terrible condition last year and would have loved to have found some information on the internet from fellow siufferers who came through it. I hope this entry will add some light at the end of the tunnel for women having to deal with this - the distress that itchy skin can cause should never be underestimated.

Look forward to hearing your feedback.

Best wishes,
Ayesha

Hi mA,

No reason to be nervous; this is a fine start!

In order to help you, I'll list a few minor things I noticed. The list is not comprehensive, but there are others who will help, I am sure.

In the fourth paragraph, the 'Let's explain.' could be dropped, or made into a subhead. It doesn't really add anything to your entry.

'Often, the itching becomes very intense and severe.'
I have to ask, is there a medical difference between intense and severe? They sound like synonyms.

'Many women compare their appearances to burn scalds.'
Same basic question. Burns and Scalds only differ in their source, I believe. You may want to choose one, or rephrase it something like:
'Many women compare their appearances to the sort of burns that result from scalding.' [That may not be the best rephrasing.]

'Others say how the itch becomes so unbearable late at night that not only are they unable to sleep but to do so, entails taping gloves to their hands to ensure they don't scratch themselves to the point of bleeding in their sleep.'
This seems to be lacking some punctuation, or rephrasing perhaps like:
'Others remark how the itch becomes so unbearable late at night that they must tape gloves to their hands to ensure they won't scratch themselves to the point of bleeding while they sleep.'

'So what is this rash and what causes it?'
This might make a good subhead!

'It could be a symptom of a rare liver disease called obstetric cholestasis. Other symptoms of the disease may include loss of appetite and feeling poorly.'
The way these two sentences follow each other, it sounds like your still discussing the liver problem, when I think you mean to switch back to Pupps. You could simply start the second sentence:
'Other symptoms of Pupps ...'

None of this is meant to be critical, of course; just helpful.
And always remember that the piece is yours, to change or not change as you will.

Don't know about anyone else, but I am itching all over after reading this, which is strange because

a) I'm not pregnant and
b) I'm a guy.

I liked the article. It's very comprehensive and readable. Maybe you could add some additional headings into the text.

Just some small typos

infact --> in fact
every where --> everywhere
growing foeuses' --> foetuses'
In most cases,PUPPPs --> PUPPS

Good work,

Woodpigeon

Hi there,

Thanks so very much for your feedback. It was much appreciated. I love the idea about subheadings and will definetly do this.

Most of your comments are spot on and certainly improve my piece - would you mind if I pinched your correction as follows - 'Others remark how the itch becomes so unbearable late at night that they must tape gloves to their hands to ensure they won't scratch themselves to the point of bleeding while they sleep.' I think it's exactly what I wanted to say but lacked the word power.

The only thing I disagreed with was the last point about the following sentence:
'It could be a symptom of a rare liver disease called obstetric cholestasis. Other symptoms of the disease may include loss of appetite and feeling poorly.'
This does indeed refer to the liver condition and not PUPPS. Maybe I could rephrase by saying 'Other symptoms of THIS disease... ' to clear this up. What do you think?

Once again, thanks for your evaluation and suggestions.

Ayesha

Thank you Woodpeigeon (love the name) for spotting my infamous typos. Pleased to see it appeals to men too!

Best wishes,

Ayesha

Hello Ayesha,

I really liked this, it's informative and written in a readable style which holds the readers interest.

(But I'm itching as well now!)

Jules

Hi Jules,

Thank you for your kind comments. I'm pleased you enjoyed the article -I've been so nervous it wouldn't do well but am now feeling relieved.

Best wishes,
Ayesha

mA, you're certainly welcome to take or refuse anything that is offered. You are the ultimate arbiter of what the entry says (until the sub-editors get to it). That's the way we like it!

Most often, the first non-specific noun of a sentence is presumed to relate to the last sentence's subject. I'm concerned that 'this disease' could still be misinterpreted. Perhaps it would help if you started a new paragraph with the sentence?

Very nice entry mightyAyesha, and a brilliant job for a first entry

I've noticed a handful of typos and grammatical errors:

This sentence is pretty convoluted:
"But imagine walking in to your doctors surgery with your body looking as if hot boiling water has been thrown over you, as a horrendous all-over body itch sets to take over and wreck havoc with the last few, what should be, relaxing months before the impending birth"
Firstly, boiling water *is* hot by definition.
"wreck havoc" - I think that's 'wreak havoc'.
I reckon you can leave 'tiredness and fatigue' alone because I think they're different, but any medicos who hang around PR will know more about that than me. I know the difference between when I'm tired and when I'm fatigued though
The sentence needs a restructuring. You might be able to get it sorted out and keep it as one sentence, or it may need splitting into two. How about merging part of it with the previous sentence, like this:
'For many women, pregnancy is fraught with difficulties - from morning sickness to tiredness and fatigue, but imagine walking in to your doctor's surgery with your body looking as if boiling water has been thrown over you. A horrendous, all-over body itch has set in, and is wreaking havoc with what should be the last few relaxing months before the impending birth'.

Dang, I shouldn't have started this so close to dinnertime I'll have to come back to it another time.


Scout

Where was I...

"PUPPPS is a benign, harmless"
Do benign and harmless mean the same thing? And that sentence needs at least one more comma in it somewhere.

"spreads to the thighs and extremities"
Hands are extremities - so it must be on the arms too, no?

"In most cases,PUPPPs"
A missing space, and a lower case 's' (all the others are upper case)

No need to begin each paragraph with 'Well'.

3o'clock - 3 o'clock

I think that's all

Thanks for these very useful pointers! Once again, they're much appreciated. Will implement these into my entry.

Ayesha

nothing to add
just a nice useful entry
thanks

It's great to see this on its way into the Guide Ayesha.

As a personal plug, you could try adding some links, possibly starting with one of mine - A770988 Taraxacum Officinale - the Common Dandelion. It includes lots of ways that people can use dandelion, and backs up the herbal 'medicinal' side of your entry.

Thanks Mina; very handy tip indeed - think I'll take you up on that and have look at your entry on dandelion.

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Congratulations on your first Edited Entry, mightyAyesha.

A worthy entry for the Guide. Well done MA.

Woodpigeon

Hurray!

Congratulations

Jules (no, you just think you're itching, Jules)

Well done!




Bossel