h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The masterminds who designed inner city Perth decided that what we really needed was a whole heap of one way streets and two pedestrian malls. Therefore, if you see a driver frothing at the mouth, glazed in the eye and gripping the steering wheel with whiteknuckled hands, they are probably trying to get to somewhere that is impossible to approach from that angle, and are now trying to find the Town Hall so they can drive their car straight through the front door to register their discontent. So be a good citizen and take them off to the pub for a calming drink.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the same masterminds (actually, I think it might be the second generation of masterminds, who were really hard up for something to do) have just reversed the directions of lots of these one way streets. It's now quite an adventure to drive in the city because the chances of ending up where you wanted to go are quite remote, so you can spend your time trying to wipe out those pesky bicycle couriers who flit about everywhere.

Elsewhere in Perth, several rules apply. Namely, signs that read "Keep Left Unless Overtaking" should be ignored at all costs, or alternatively it can be argued that you're overtaking all those little white posts by the side of the road, so therefore the right lane is yours and yours alone. Secondly, whatever you do, do not indicate when changing lanes. This would warn the vehicles behind you of your intentions and take away all the fun of watching their surprise in the rear view mirror (which, incidentally, is the only time you should use your rear view mirror). And finally, when parking, particularly in the parallel parking bays along the beachfront (say, in Cottesloe) park as close as possible to the car in front of you, to make it just that much harder for them to get out of the parking bay (so that way they get to stay longer at the beach - very considerate of you). This is especially important if you are the last car in the long line, and have plenty of space behind you.

I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would want to drive in the Perth CBD. It's much quicker (and cheaper!) to walk. There is one set of traffic lights, no malls and no parking meters where I live and work, an hour's drive from Midland.
You should have realised by now that it's all a well thought out plot to get people to use the public transport without spending small amounts of money to promote or improve the public transport system. Why spend small amounts when you can spend HUGE amounts of money that isn't yours?
What we really need is a benevolent dictator with more modest ideas of immortalisation in monuments.