h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Driving in Southern California is a bit of a challenge, since very very few people know how to drive, as they learned to drive here. This lack of skill combined with roughly 20 million cars on the road can make for some interesting circumstances.

First, treat speed limit signs strictly as a suggestion, unless there is some form of police officer or highway patrolman around. The secret to avoiding the humiliation and strife of being pulled over, be the second-fastest on the road, and keep your eyes open.

Second, in a right-of-way situation, the most expensive car *always* has the right-of-way. It's not written anywhere, it's simply understood.

Third, there are a *lot* of expensive cars around, so drive like you're in a war zone. Actually, one could argue that Southern California freeways are war zones, but no one's been shot while driving in a few years, so one can feel mostly safe.

In Los Angeles County, it is a generally accepted rule that three cars will pass through a given intersection after the light has turned red. No one seems to care, so feel free to take advantage of this.

Anywhere in the Los Angeles area, hesitation equals death. If you show a sign of weakness on the roads (such as using a turn signal), they will devour you without a moment's hesitation.

The best way to stay sane driving in Los Angeles is to watch the unbelievable things happen (and they will happen...) and laugh at them. Do not attempt to do anything ridiculous! You will be caught and made a fool of by smirking policemen. Things that are faintly ridiculous (driving on people's lawns, running red lights, doing handbrake slides in rental cars) are generally acceptable, though not encouraged.

Hyper-tuned Hondas and Mitsubishis clutter the roads, each driven by someone who's convinced he (it's usually a he. Trust me.) is the next great undiscovered race car driver. If you hear a low-pitched droning noise and headlights that appear to be mounted two inches above the ground bearing down on you at terrifying speed, get out of the way. They have no mercy.

I came back from Southern California two weeks ago, after having spendt over two weeks there. Of course, being in SC entitled driving. Lots of it. Infact, by the time I left we figured out we had driven a distance equal two one third the distance from LAX to Paris.
But I digress..
Doing all this driving exposed me to the raw nature of driving in SC. And while I can vouch for the things said previously here, it is not the thing that sticks foremost to my mind. The distance kept to the car infront while driving over 80mph is.
Being from Norway we have a rather sound rule that you should not be closer to the car infront than 3 seconds.
Thinking about it, perhaps the Californians just misplaced a decimal point, and think they're supposed to drive 0.3 seconds behind the car infront..
Anyway, point is, if anything happens only superman in the batmobile will have the reaction nessesary to stop in time.
But then again, from reading the previous posts, perhaps stopping isn't an option.
Prefilled whiplash forms might come in handy..

Timely swerving is usually the name of the game. Our driving tests are so laughably simple, the blind could conceivably pass them. Judging by the average skill of drivers around here, I think they have.

A recommendation for anyone traveling to So. Cal.- let a professional do the driving! Take a plane to get there (even if you also live in California), take a cab or shuttle bus to your hotel/motel/hostle/hovel and when traveling to any attractions use the tour packages that are advertised everywhere. The rational is simple- these drivers are professionals and residents of the area. They may be abismal drivers and as psychotic as everyone around them but they understand the rules of the area, and are armed in the Road Rage Season (summer in the rest of the world).

For a similar reason I recommend taking public transit in San Francisco. The bus drivers in San Francisco are composed of the most blood thirsty people I've ever met. They HATE pedestrians! If you're on the bus the bus can't run over you, that's what I say.

My $.02
;-}

Driving in southern california is nightmarish. In opposition to the earlier post about no freeway shootings... that was absolutely true until 2 days ago, on the 91 freeway just after disneyland a couple of people decided it was nessicary to end the life of a devoted husband because he was speeding a mere 10mph over the speed limit, and they wanted to go at least 15. They cursed and flashed and swerved and shot him. At least, they figured, they would get in front of him that way... only to be slowed down by the next car in front of them. I was driving home from a relatively nice day in southern california spent looking at really expensive studio mixing boards and had decided to return home in hopes of eating. 3 hours later i arrived home... i lived an hour away. Police closed down the freeway and caused a lot of people to become even more agressive, until they finally got an idea and tuned into one of the many reliable 24/7 AM Traffic type stations. Upon learning of a brutal murder occuring a slight 500 feet in front of them, everyone began to get rather hushed... even the freakish looking teenagers in the van 2 lanes over from I decided it wasn't the most romantic place or time and stopped their necking session. Cars turned off. heads stuck out windows, yearning to see what it was the police copter had caught in it's xenon-white searchlight. The crime remains unsolved. What a tragedy. I no longer fear the well known yet embarassingly un-documented 3 cars per change to red light rule, instead, i fear common speed laws.

2/100ths of a dollar

I do have to say that when someone coming down on you at an incredible speed use your emergency brake(without leaving skid marks) because if the they rear-end you call OJ's lawyer.

Just so you all know, everyone driving on SoCal. freeways are very stupid. I, myself, find it hard to believe that more collisions(most are purposes) don't happen more often than they do. I live in Ventura County and drive into LA County just for Tommy burgers (there that good).

I heard a comedian on the radio talking about So Cal and speed limits, and he was so right it was funny. Here's a paraphrase (which will, of course, not be funny):

"In California, we interpret the speed limit as an average, so we go 90mph whenever we can, to make up for all the time we spend going 2."