h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm sorry everybody. I've been feeling very low lately. Whenever I feel down, I tend to withdraw, telling myself nobody cares anyway. And maybe they don't, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was/is that I don't care anymore.

Feeling hopeless, lost, scared, frustrated- all the things that lead to depression. The only positive aspect is that I am not letting it get me depressed. I'm feeling the fear, the frustration, the hopelessness of my situation, and especially the anger at my situation- but not directing any of it into me. I'm not letting the feelings get turned inward against me. This does not, however, let me off the hook as to actually feeling those feelings- as I still have to do that, and work thru them. Feelings of bitterness, anger, resentment, fear, despair- these are hard things to work on, and I am getting no help.

I don't know what the doctors recommended, but I was denied disability benefits. This makes me so angry, as I would love nothing better than to be able to work, to work out, to dance!, but the pain is still here with me, a constant companion. In this country, even if you are blind or a quadriplegic, you are denied disability benefits the first time you apply. You have to appeal the decision to get approved. That way, they weed out the people who aren't serious. I just wonder how many suicides they are responsible for, since you can't get medical attention, including psychiatric care, in this country without money unless you're on disability.

So, I'm here, just not communicative. I'm sorry, but I just can't be my usual little ray of sunshine self. I have too much on my mind, and on my heart. Please believe me, I'm grateful for this forum, and everyone here. But right now, I just can't be here.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...."

Love to all,
Cali Gal

*sigh*Well thanks for getting back to us hun!

well well look who it is lol long time no chat hey,will have to catch up very soon and chat,now your thing hmmm not sure if i know this strange woman lol but yeah you do,think its been about nearly 3yrs since i last chatted to you on ere decided to come back on ere again.
oooops silly me the name i was usin at the time was.....angel of love...well i think it was ne-way lol
michelle :O)

Hi cali
I am so pleased you posted. it is all so awful for you and I wish i could help.
You know that your friends on this thread care for you and wish you well as soon as can be.

kif

Ah 'lo michelle ...has been awhile!

so how have you been keeping then? wel im pukka couldnt be better,got engaged 3months ago.
could you send me the link for whos on line please?

right my bed calls me now lol you t/c of yourself,god bless
michelle vvbghugz

Ok michelle luv!ses & very bigs too!

Hello Cali!

I’m sorry to hear that you’re not doing well. After not having heard from you in a while I kind of suspected that there must be something wrong.
Kif is right: people around here are caring for you. I know that’s not that much of a help… But if you’re looking for some distraction, fun, or just a place to moan and talk, then at least you know where you’ll find it.

So, I guess the next step is to apply a second time for disability benefits? From what you’ve said it’s pretty likely that it will work out the second time, isn’t it? Just don’t give up.

Full sympathy coming from over here about the benefits. I know what a it is. Don't give up though, appeal and push it through. You can do it.

We all do care, as you will know if you've looked through your other thread. We all sat around pondering where you were and if you were okay.

Thank you for taking the time and effort to drop in. It's MUCH appreciated.

We're all here for you to talk to, either here or you can email any of us when you feel up to it.

I have a friend who cuts herself off from everything when she's depressed and I can never work out if it's okay to do that or if it makes it worse. This is why I tend to communicate MORE with people when I feel terrible. It gives you an outlet for bad feelings, and although it may make you feel guilty or angry or something, at least you're still with people and doing things. I don't know which is better for you sorry.

Lots of hugs and thought going to you...unless it makes you feel bad, in which case I take it back

Kat

thanks everybody.

I hate people who complain, and I hate myself more when I complain. It makes my depression worse when I hear myself moaning over my lot in life. It seems so petty- there are so many people worse off than myself in this world, and yet here I sit, crying in my beer(figuratively, of course) about how I can't go back to work, have to live with my parents whom I grow to despise more every day, and grow more depressed and apathetic with every passing day. I hate myself like this, and just don't want anyone to see me like this- I don't want to be like this!

*shrugs* I do the same. I think everyone is inclined to think that everyone has it worse than them and so have to stop moaning, and then think other people have it better and shouldn't moan

The thing with talking to people about your problems is that sometimes people can help you. If you don't want suggestions etc then it can be frustrating for yourself because you feel pathetic and misunderstood, so there's a fine line to walk.

On the other hand, people do care about you and want to hear from you. If I shut myself away when I felt depressed I'd never talk to anyone in the world...admittedly this may be more pleasant for everyone around but there we go...I like to cause a little pain and grief in the world.

Cali my Dear Friend
of course you don't wany to be the way you are feeling i just pray that things will get better for you, that the benefits which are your right will be paid to you and that life will start to be something good

Kif