h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*stands next to a McDonalds(©)(™)(®) like counter with 'happy last meals'™*
I wanna be vampire that likes garil steaks.
PLZ.
­¡¹)

By garil I'll assume you mean garlic.
*taps a pen distractedly on the counter*
Classically vampires are the enemies of werebeasts...
However I suppose I'll make an exception.
*rifles through a large box of bloodied wooden stakes under the counter before hauling one out with 'D ACU A' carved in it.*
Okay, here we go.
*takes out a small knife and shaves some flakes of dried blood into the drawer in the Beastifier™*
*Shoves Zaphob in*
Okay, this'll only hurt a bi.. oops. Forgot.
*drops some garlic in the drawer*
As I was saying only hurt a bit.
*pulls lever*
POOF!
You are now a werevampire (who likes garlic.) (and steaks.)
You have a full vampire form (think Dracula from Van Hellsing http://i22.ebayimg.com/03/i/04/37/b4/f3_1_b.JPG ), a half vampire form in which wings are optional, you have scary eyes, fangs and an unusual amount of mental control over impressionable young women on balconies in white night-wear. You also have your full human form of course.
You have an unusually large desire for blood and garlic steaks, and an intense dislike of sunlight and religious iconography. You're invulnerable to any weapons except those made of wood (vampire) and silver (you're still a werebeast after all).
*releases him from the machine*
There. Happy?

oh goody.

*pulls at shirt collar*
um. sorta hot in here. do u mind i i close the blinds?