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Grovel
Dormouse Started conversation Jun 10, 2004
Dearest Luke (is that grovelly enough?) Some time ago you kindly offered to answer any questions I might have on query letter etc. Well, this is actually more the etc bit. As I've had no luck yet submitting to agents (not so much as a request to see the full MS!) I've rewritten my synopsis and was wondering if you'd have a quick read and see if you think it's likely to stir interest or send prospective agents to sleep.
Will post it when I hear from you.
Dormouse
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 10, 2004
Hi there Dormouse,
Funnily enough I've been wondering how you've been getting on the last few days, and have been meaning to drop you a line.
Yes! Send the synopsis through. I'd be delighted to give it a look.
What I did with Meg's was to re-write it the way I thought it should be (more or less). I found it easier than trying to explain things I'd change, and less wordy.
Then if you have any questions like 'Why, damnit?' you can ask.
Sound fair?
Splendid, then shall we proceed?
PS don't ask where this strange tone comes from. Think I'm going mad.
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 10, 2004
Brilliant! Thanks a lot. Hope it's not too amateurish and girly.
Misfit - synopsis
In the village of Witchlea, bad luck comes in threes. At least it does for Blake Morrisey who loses his wife and children, his driving licence and his job in the space of 24hrs. He’s miserable, he’s drunk. All he wants is his family back.
Reclusive artist, Esme Fairfax is known as the village misfit because of her daunting gothic appearance and strange behaviour. She has had a troubled life and all she wants is to be left alone.
Unfortunately, Blake’s friends, Dan, Alex and Roger have other ideas. Unsuspecting Esme becomes the focus of a lad’s challenge. Who will be the first to get the misfit into bed? Photographic evidence required.
They each have their own personal reasons for winning the challenge. Singer and local stud Dan has his reputation to maintain. Wild boy Alex owes a local drug pusher money and the winnings will get him out of trouble. Macho fireman Roger is having doubts about his own sexuality and thinks his mates are beginning to suspect.
Blake refuses to get involved, but when he advertises his services as a builder, he ends up working for Esme, building a gallery and studio. The attention she receives from the three lads gives her new confidence and she begins to open up and reveal the attractive, although troubled woman behind the black clothes and makeup. While Blake’s incorrigible mates are desperately trying to seduce the girl, he is falling in love with her. He knows he should warn her about the challenge, but is torn between his feelings for her and loyalty to his mates.
Several months later, Blake's wife Pippa, announces she is moving in with her lover and he has to accept his marriage is over. One afternoon, he gives in to his attraction to Esme and they end up in bed. Their relationship however is doomed. That same weekend, Pippa discovers her lover in bed with another woman. She turns up on Blake’s doorstep and begs him to take her back. For the children’s sake, he has to agree.
Blake never does tell the lads that he has slept with Esme and is relieved when they call off the challenge. Dan has found ‘real’ love for the first time in his life and will not risk losing his girlfriend Mel. Roger has come to terms with his homosexuality and has started a secret relationship with the sexy young barman at the pub. Alex has fallen in love with Esme, but she has told him they can only be friends.
During the following weeks, Blake witnesses Dan and Roger visiting Esme secretly. He also discovers a photograph of her naked in bed at Alex’s flat.
Pippa suspects that Blake is in love with Esme and demands he stop working for her. When he refuses, she pays her a visit and tells her about the challenge.
Esme is heart-broken, having trusted and grown fond of them all, but especially when she is led to believe that Blake took part in the challenge too. Her father seeks out the lads at the pub where they meet every Friday night and exposes their cruel challenge in front of the crowded bar, ending with the shocking revelation that Esme is pregnant.
Dan, Roger and Alex naturally deny responsibility. Blake is furious. Esme has been hurt and he has been publicly castigated for something he had no part in. He blurts out everything he has seen, insisting that any one of them could be the father, dropping them in it with their respective partners and alienating himself from his friends. He goes to see Esme but only makes matters worse by asking her whose baby it is. When she denies sleeping with any his friends, he tells her about the photograph. Esme is stunned. She remembers nothing of that night except that she was drunk and woke up alone. When she confronts Alex, he lets her believe they slept together.
When Pippa finds out that Esme is pregnant and that Blake may be the father, she announces she is moving to Scotland with the children to make a fresh start, giving him the choice to come with them. Blake doesn’t want to lose his children again. He goes to see Esme on the opening night of her gallery to say goodbye. Here a couple of misunderstandings are cleared up. It is revealed that Dan’s reason for secretly visiting Esme was to pose for a nude portrait which now, to his humiliation, hangs in the gallery. Roger ‘comes out’ and introduces them to his new partner. Alex however continues to lie in order to keep Esme and even offers to marry her.
Three months later, Blake’s reconciliation with Pippa is not working and they agree to separate. He leaves Scotland but cannot go back to Witchlea where as far as he knows, Esme is happy with Alex. He disappears, telling no one where he is, but leaves a message for Roger saying he is leaving for Australia to stay with his father.
Esme is eight months pregnant when she finds out from an unexpected source that she was drugged rather than drunk the night she and Alex supposedly slept together. When she confronts him, he is forced to admit that a friend of his spiked her drink and although he had put her to bed and taken the photograph, nothing had actually happened between them.
Roger finds Blake’s message and telephones Esme. Desperate to let Blake know that the baby is his, she tells her father that she’s slipping out for ten minutes and then, taking a chance, drives forty-five miles in the foulest weather to an old beach house he’d mentioned once, only to find it deserted.
Blake is out walking on the windswept beach, due to leave for the airport that night, when he spots Esme as she is about to drive away. He throws himself in front of the car to stop her. The shock sends her into an early labour and he has to rush her to a local hospital, breaking his driving ban, shooting a red light and getting stopped by the police on the way. Luck is on his side for once. They are given a police escort to the hospital where Esme tells him of Alex’s deceit and their baby daughter is born.
There you have it. There are a lot of side plots (the lad's unsuccessful efforts to seduce Esme) which I could not include without complicating it further.
Any opinion on the title? Is it uninspiring?
Thankyou for any help you are able to offer.
Dormouse
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 10, 2004
Right!
I have it in my bony crasp!
I will give you a response probably tomoz.
One thing straight away, this is about twice as long as you want it to be.
It must fit on side of A4 with all your other details.
Don't panic, though, we can get it sorted, and often agents like the look of the first query letter/synopsis and ask for a longer, 1,000 worder like this, so it's as well to have less rather than more. Comprende?
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 10, 2004
Hi again.
I was going to leave this until after supper, but I got reading and couldn't stop.
Praise indeed, cause I'm starving!
I can hardly fault this apart from aforementioned length.
The point is agents can't be bothered to turn a page. They don't have time. So you must keep it to one side.
You don't need to tell the story all the way through, you just need to give tempting bits of info, which you do brilliantly. Characters are distinct and believable, plot is great, central character v. interesting.
Basically you can stop half way through, which is what I've done below:
Misfit – synopsis
Dear…
I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word romantic novel entitled MISFIT, written in a similar style to….
In the village of Witchlea, bad luck comes in threes.
At least it does for Blake Morrisey who loses his wife and children, his driving licence and his job in the space of 24hrs.
Reclusive artist, Esme Fairfax is known as the village misfit because of her daunting gothic appearance and strange behaviour. She has had a troubled life and all she wants is to be left alone.
Unfortunately, Blake’s friends, Dan, Alex and Roger have other ideas. Unsuspecting Esme becomes the focus of a lad’s challenge. Who will be the first to get the misfit into bed? Photographic evidence required.
They each have their own personal reasons for winning the challenge.
Singer and local stud Dan has his reputation to maintain.
Wild boy Alex owes a local drug pusher money and the winnings will get him out of trouble.
Macho fireman Roger is having doubts about his own sexuality and thinks his mates are beginning to suspect.
Blake refuses to get involved, but when he advertises his services as a builder, he ends up working for Esme, building a gallery and studio.
The attention she receives from the three lads gives her new confidence and she begins to open up and reveal the attractive, although troubled woman behind the black clothes and makeup.
While Blake’s incorrigible mates are desperately trying to seduce the girl, he is falling in love with her. He knows he should warn her about the challenge, but is torn between his feelings for her and loyalty to his mates.
Several months later, Blake's wife Pippa, announces she is moving in with her lover and he has to accept his marriage is over. One afternoon, he gives in to his attraction to Esme and they end up in bed.
That same weekend, Pippa discovers her lover in bed with another woman. She turns up on Blake’s doorstep and begs him to take her back. For the children’s sake, he has to agree.
Blake never does tell the lads that he has slept with Esme and is relieved when they call off the challenge. Dan has found ‘real’ love for the first time in his life and will not risk losing his girlfriend Mel. Roger has come to terms with his homosexuality and has started a secret relationship with the sexy young barman at the pub. Alex has fallen in love with Esme, but she has told him they can only be friends.
During the following weeks, Blake witnesses Dan and Roger visiting Esme secretly. He also discovers a photograph of her naked in bed at Alex’s flat….
The drama they have all become embroiled in is far from over.
I am a … years old. I like flying kites, taking class A drugs and racing JCBs (or whatever you do!) This is my first novel.
Apologies for rushed job, but hopefully you get the idea.
In an ideal world I wouldn't cut any of it, cause it's so spot on, but you will be shooting yourself in the foot if you put in too much.
Let me know what you think...
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 11, 2004
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly Luke and sorry for taking so long to answer. Been working hard today and haven't had time to check in until now.
Well, I'm pleased it was interesting enough to keep you from your food. I thought it would bore you rigid! I guess I've been working on it too long.
I'll try your version and see how it goes. (Hell, I'd even celebrate if I received a request for the complete MS , sad case that I am.)
For the last submissions I wrote a covering letter with a paragraph or two about the story plus the usual info on genre, word length etc, and then attached a seperate synopsis that was a little longer than the one I posted and the first three chapters if their guidlines specified that.
I didn't put anything in the letter about myself because I have no writing quals, credits or background. I'll think of something to put in this time. (you don't think they'll be put off by my taking the class A drugs?)
Also I was never really sure what genre if any it came under so I just referred to it as my latest novel. Someone described it as lad lit because it's mainly written from a male POV. But you refer to it as a romance, so I'll go with that.
Can't thank you enough for the time you've taken and the advice. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dormouse
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 11, 2004
Goooood evening Dormouse.
Pleased to be of service.
I was wondering today why no-one has asked to see this, as you have a great synopsis and pacy sounding plot.
Two possible reasons:
1. You're sending too much info. You really do want to send only one page in the first instance. So all your personal info, synopsis and covering letter are rolled in to one. I fax off my synopses, which seems to work. That way you're not on the slush pile of post. You get spotted quicker!
2. I think there is a problem with the title. Misfit sounds a bit grim.
Do you have some options?
I had some good news today. 'Oh Boy' came back from one of my agent's readers with this opening comment:
'Enjoyed it a lot. Funny, stylish, engaging. Read it in a day...' !
Apparently there is no problem with plot, pace, or characters, I just need to de-lad it for the female market. Hurrah! Should go out to publishers later this summer.
And it all started with a one page synopsis. 'One' is the magic number!
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 11, 2004
Congrats re 'Oh boy' and I agree just from reading the short snippits you've teased us with. Didn't you have another book being submitted to publishers? How's that doing?
De-lad your novel? Nick Hornby didn't have a problem. You couldn't get more Laddy than 'High Fidelity' and I loved that. Still, good luck de-ladding if that gets it published. I'll look forward to seeing it on the shelves.
I've been wracking my brain over a different title but said brain isn't coming up with much.
-Winning Esme? Definitely sounds like a romance .
-The challenge (hubby's boring contribution. Poor old hubby. He's getting old) Boring, boring, boring!
No.
How about - Miss Notsofit? That is how the lads refer to her a few times. See what I mean? The old brain's not cooperating(sigh).
Okay, waffling on now. I'll go. Bye.
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 11, 2004
You need a title that reflects the tone of the novel.
So Winning Esme, I think, sounds too slushy, The Challenge (brave attempt though it is, by your other half) sounds like a gameshow, Miss Notsofit sounds like it's going to be an out and out comedy, and I think your novel is more dramatic romance, isn't it?
I'm probably the wrong person to ask, though. Have you not noted my weedy attempts!
Will let you know if a fairy delivers me a great idea in the night, though.
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 11, 2004
It is supposed to be a lighthearted and humorous romance but with some more serious issues thrown in. Definitly not slushy. I hate slushy.
Miss Not-so-fit is the best I've come up with so far but doesn't quite feel right. I'll get there in the end. I'm nothing if not determined.
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 12, 2004
You go girl!
Determination pays off in the end.
Sadly no fairy visited me in the night, perhaps Miss Not-so-fit would be good...
And you're right, I do have a novel being looked at by publishers at the mo (In and Out). It failed very narrowly with the ten biggies, and is now with eight minnows.
Possible advance: about 50p!
But we ain't in it for da dosh, are we?
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 12, 2004
Good luck with the minnows. After the success of your first book the biggies will be sorry. Don't spend that 50p all at once.
As for titles. I scanned through the MS looking for inspiration. Ended up doing more editing! Only came up with, 'Challenging Behaviour' and 'Pig in the middle'.
The last one because Blake feels like that after a while.
Neither feels right. I'll keep thinking.
Rewrote my letter, incorporating the shortened synopsis this morning, but with a blank where the title goes. Can't believe I stayed in bed till 1.30pm tapping away on me laptop! Wouldn't have got away with it if my other half wasn't away climbing Snowdon this weekend. I'm making the most of the freedom. Think I'll start my next book.
Grovel
Lucy&Luke Relph Posted Jun 12, 2004
Good luck with the new novel...
I like Pig in the middle, but thought it may have been referring to Esme...!
Perhaps 'Piggy in the Middle' would avoid that prob?
Grovel
Dormouse Posted Jun 12, 2004
The Dormouse can relax and spend as much time at the computer as she likes without feeling guilty and go to the cinema, (I've just been to see the Day after Tomorrow with my daughter. Really good) eat chocolate and admire Dennis Quaid's cute....smile. Rare treat.
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- 1: Dormouse (Jun 10, 2004)
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