h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

G/Day Mate

what's the time over there mate?
I have never been to Australia before, what;s it like living there?
TPB

It's 1:25am. Living here is probably no different in many ways to living anywhere else - if you've got plenty of money you do it easy, if you've got squat you do it tough. The country itself is beautiful though, it never ceases to amaze me that so many Brits make their way over here and then visit the capital cities. Buildings look the bloody same anywhere in the world, what a waste of an opportunity. If you get over here don't make the same mistake, there is so much to see - the place is huge. We have every climate except polar, because the place spans tropical, sub-tropical, and temperate zones we have jungles (tropical rainforest), deserts (plenty of), thousands of miles of coastline and God knows how many Islands. It is easy to plonk yourself on an uninhabited Island off the tropical coast of Queensland if you wanted - but you have to keep going to the mainland for supplies. Heaps to do. Snowfields more vast than the Swiss Alps, but nowhere near as high, year round surfing, etc., etc. God's own country. Stay the hell away from the bloody cities if you get here.

So you are 11 hours ahead of us, or are you behind us?
Wow i would love to go there it sounds exotic.
What is the weather like over there, cos it's blinking freezing here even with the sun out.
Why stay out of the city mate, does it get over crowded or something?
TPB

No, we're ahead of you. It's heading towards winter so it's cooling off where I am because I'm in the far southeast - about 45 km northwest of Melbourne. In the Far North it never gets cold, like tropics everywhere there are only 2 seasons - wet season (monsoonal rains) and dry season (take a guess; no rain). I think looking at a building and staying in a motel room could be done in London just as well as it could in Melbourne or Sydney. Get off the beaten track and see the natural wonders. The outback is so far from the (street) light pollution of major cities that you can see miilions of stars at night unlike anywhere else. The Yanks sometimes make use of one of our telescopes in just such a remote location because they don't have anywhere uneffected by light pollution. Even if your not normally into the stars, you have to see it to believe it, it's like someone's opened up a jewellery box.

So as we are coming in into our summer, you are just about to get your winter, is that what you are saying?
I hear that March is the dry season am i right?
I hear that you have Trams over there, and is it easier to travel on them than any other public transport?

Oh going onto stars i am facinated about them, i have often wondered what they are called.
It must be an awesome sight with the clear skies to see the stars, do you have clouds sometimes to spoil the view?

I'm sorry for all the questions i am giving you, but you see i have been thinking going over there for a wee holiday.
Oh one more quesion sorry to say, what is the accomodation like over there?
TPB

Yes, we're heading towards winter, but it has been hot until recent weeks where I am. We had some days up around 42 degrees C (107.6 F), and I hear Perth is 40 C today. About 4 weeks ago where my Mum and Dad live (along the Murray River), they got 47 C (116.6 F) which really knocked the old bloke around - but at least it keeps the snakes in their holes - it's even too hot for them. It is 25 C (77 F)today where I am.
Yes we have trams in Melbourne and the suburbs, but they are slow, stop every two feet to pick up people, and get crowded in the city. Overrated.
Yes, of course we have cloudy nights when you cannot see a star in the sky, but that's why I said the desert is so good for viewing. The desert is hot during the day because no clouds block or weaken the suns rays, and cold during the night because their is no blanket of clouds to keep the heat from the cooling Earth from escaping. Good viewing. Hope to hear from you again, Bye.

i am definitely going there for my holiday now mate, it sounds absolutely brilliant
I just love the hot weather espailly on my Yamaha, for the wind as i am travelling cools me down
So you do get the occasional clouds then, well i am glad about that for i like seeing if i can make shapes out of them.
I hope that you don't call me a saddo doing that, because i get enough of that from my mates.
Ha so you do have trams there i knew i was right, i can't wait to tell my mate Keith that you do, because he said to me lastnight that you don't have them.
I hope to hear from you again too
Ken TPB

Melbourne has an extensive tram network, which you could no doubt see a map of on the internet, Try www.victrip.com.au that should sort Keith out! Adelaide has one or two trams, but Melbourne is basically the last bastion of that type of transport. It works well for us and they wo'nt disappear from here for the forseeable future. We're sports mad in Melbourne, they reckon you'd get 80,000 people to watch two flies walking up a wall, so the trams service our sports grounds and centres, race tracks (Horses - you may have heard of the Melbourne Cup), concert venues, casino, and the many, many, many pubs we like to frequent -strange lot we Victorians. As the rider of a CBR 600 (by the way I once placed 3rd at Phillip Island GP circuit, a club meeting, obviously not the GP! - you may have heard of it too - we're the sports capital of Australia, no other state even argues about that) I can assure you that you won't be getting around without a jacket most of the year, and wet weather gear in winter. Far North Queensland is hot all year round, when it rains you wish it was cold so you can cool you down, but not only do you get no relief, the clothes dry on your body in about an hour, but not here - it gets pretty cold and wet in winter. You should try to get up their, it's great, but there is something to see in every state really. Do your homework before you come and mark out what you want to see, because it's a big place and unless you've got a year off work you're not going to see everything you planned on. Think ahead, plan it, and you'll have blast mate. I guarantee it.

Hiya Mate

Wow it sounds so much fun that i can tell you, so i am definitely going there for my hols now.
I don't think my boss will let me have a year off though, we don't get on much as it is.
I don't know what's wrong with the guy at all, he is always telling me to do this and that.
Sometimes i wish to walk out but i wouldn't have a job then would i, and plus i love my job anyway.
So i was right about the trams then, i can't wait to tell Keith now.
Oh yeah i have heard about the Melbourne Cup, i bet that you are very proud of it too.
Oh so you do have a lot of rain then, well i will tell you what mate i just love the rain, especially on my bike.
Oh yeah that's what i want to ask you mate, can you take your own transport with you?
Ken TPB

It would cost a fortune to bring your own transport from there. Depends how long your staying; better to spend about 1500 of your pounds on a bike and sell it again before you leave, you'll probably get 1000 of those back. That would be cheaper than hiring a bike or a car too. Depends how long your staying.

Oh no i couldn't sell my bike for she's a beauty, i wouldn't know what to do if i did sell her.
I didn't know that you can a bike over there either, just goes ts to show that you learn things every day
So what can you see if i went there for 2 months, because that's how long i would like to stay for you see.
Oh yeah what's the accomodation like again, for you didn't say earlier?
Are you in the night time now then mate, for you did say that you are ahead of us.
Ken TPB

No, I meant buy a bike when you get here for the equivalent of 1500 pounds, and sell it when you leave here to recover most of your money. Yes, you will see on my userpage I used to race bikes (hence the 3rd place at Phillip Island), and my roadbike is my only form of everyday transport. In two months you can see very little well, or a lot poorly. Accomodation can suit any budget, but I have an excellent 2 man hiking tent that fits on the bike (all my camping stuff is hiking gear because its good quality and its small - perfect for the bike), because as I said, I prefer to get off the beaten track and see the sights. But there is any amount of places, on-site vans for about $40-50 per night, Pub rooms are from $30-45 per night, and motels from $50-500. The best place I ever stayed in was free. It was a hikers hut in the Snowy Mountains (a hut with wood and some food for hikers to shelter in if a snow storm turns nasty). Replace the wood for the next bloke, and don't use the food unless your really stuck, and you can stay there for nothing. It's so remote that your on your own, and the Kangaroos and Kookabuuras aren't scared of people because they don't see many. There were Emu's there too, but I couldn't get closer than about 20 feet. They seem to be a bit more wary for some reason.The river is snow melt water so it's perfect for drinking. Hard place to get to on a road bike though. My name is Mick, by the way. It,s now 12:19am

Sorry mate i got side tracked going through peoples spaces, you see i want to make friends on here just like you.
I have also tried to post to that girl you speak to, but i can't for or it's going into get writing, and i am not on that at all.
.
Oh i see now to buy a bike over there, i thought you meant to sell my bike what a noggin i am
The accomodation does sound cheap to me, even my mate Keith thinks so too.
He says hi to you by the way, and he also laughed over proving him wrong about the trams
We have got all kinds of hiking gear too, we even got one of the stoves where you put it over the flames on the ground.
So the kangaroos are not scared of us, wow i have never been close to a kangarooroo before, so it will be the first time
Oh your name is Mick hey it's just like talking to Paul Hogan (only kidding)
Well i don't have to tell you my name, for i sign off with it.
How old wre you mate?
Ken TPB

Hi Ken. I'm now 39 years old, where does the time go? Most 'roos wo'nt come anywhere near you, but in that place I was talking about you had to actually walk around them because they would justlay in the sun and wouldn't move out of your way. Don't make the mistake of thinking they're cute and friendly, they'll kick the living suitcase out of you if they feel like it (usually because people annoy them without knowing it - animals don't see our actions as meaning the same thing as we do, pushing a piece of bread in a roos face because you think you're being kind can get the snot beaten out of you). Stoves over open flames (do you mean a cast iron "dutch oven") may not be permitted on "Total Fire Ban" days (they get announced all over the papers, radio and television when it's decided that it's too dangerous for fires, it could cause a bushfire, which I'm sure you know are a problem in Australia). Better to get a Trangia (brand of hiking stove which uses methylated spirits as fuel), like I've got, or similar type of device. Stay cool

Hiya Mate

You don't come across 39 to me mate, i thought that you were younger than that.
Well since you told me about the kangaroos, i think that i will stay away from them then, for i don't fancy getting a beaten off them at all no way
Whwn you said about the she stove that you have got, how does it run on meths it must have a flame to cook the food.
What is the te time now mati am sorry for asking all the time, but i am writing them all down to see the time over here, i hope that you know my meaning.

Ken TPB

Hi Ken,
I fell younger than 39, but sadly, I'm not. How old are you? The metho is confined to a small tin not as round as a coke can and about 2 inches high, and the whole stove is enclosed. Have a look at one in a camping store, they're sold there for sure because they're popular with hikers worldwide - they're called Trangia, that's the brand, but there'll be knock off brands as well. It's 9:00 pm. Mick.

Hiya Mate
I am 25 mata, but i will 26 on the 31st of this month.
Oh i wil have to go to town then to have a look for one of those stoves, i didn't know that you can get one of those
So now the time will be 9:47 here then, for you posted that at 10:00am here.
Ken TPB

Yep, it's ten to ten. Go and look at those stoves they're small and light but a little slow cooking 'cause metho doesn't burn real hot. But if you're in a rush you shouldn't be out camping anyway.

Hiya Mick

Oh no i won't be in a rush at all, i just go at my own pace you see so does Keith aswell
What other things do you do by the way, thats if its ok to ask?
Ken TPB

Right now all I do is study. You might have noticed on my userpage that I used to do a few sports, but now I can't afford to do anything except put food in the house and petrol in the bike to get to uni because the government pays me a piddly little student allowance (called Austudy). That's why I had to sell my racebike, which broke my heart. I finished my Bachelor of Science in Biological Sciences with a double major in Microbiology and Genetics last November (our school years run from Feb to Nov), and was offered an honours position with the Micro department. So that's what I am doing now, my Honours year in Microbiology. Feel free to ask anything, I've got nothing to hide. What about you, how do you fill in your time when your not at work?