h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have read your works and thought they were alright. Are you a religious person? I myself do not pray but neither do I drink, smoke or take drugs. I am known to be an in between. I don't even drink fizzy drinks only water!
I have had loads of miracles and have seen magic and some of my own.
You are a good writer.
Thanks for the read!

Tara

Tara,
Alright should all right. All right?
Bribrow

huh? I meant it was brilliant, unless you mean the spelling but there is a spelling for 'alright'

Tara

You are beyond help, young lady.

What? Now what have I done wrong? I can't win with you. You are just playing with my mind, I'm being kind and very polite and everytime you're bringing me down.


Tara

I have co-ordonation problems so messages take a while to get to my brain
so here's a poem that will tell you, what you are doing to me.

Confusion: A2686331

Hi Bribrow. As you can see, just like Arnie, I am back.
(Sorry to butt into this thread but I can’t see how else to leave you a message on this newly designed site)
The reason for writing is to find out if it’s the norm to have loads of unsolicited messages left on ‘my personal space’ (this one, which is clearly meant for you, appears in my ‘space’) Every time I log on I have to read through this stuff just in case it’s intended for me. If you go onto ‘my space’ you will see what I mean. When I brought it up with the powers that be a few weeks ago I was dismissed as some kind of nutter who clicks on threads then forgets all about it. Am I the only one?

Beans.

Hi Beans,
Nice to have you back. Sorry, I can't quite make out what your problem is. Your Personal Message Space is exactly that - but anyone who feels like it can leave a message there apropo of nothing, it that's what grabs 'em. They don't need an invite. More's the pity as you've probably gathered from the stream above.
I do find as I begin to build up a rapport with a wider audience, of that's the word, that I sometime get surprising messages there, too.
Got a nice one today from Machiabelly just to say he liked my Haiku.
You can of course remove any unwanted messages (if not the messenger) so that's some comfort, I hope.
How's it going with the dog portrait business/
Bribnrow

Sorry, that's twice i have got your name wrong, it wasn't intended.
These aren't messages i'm getting, their threads. Anyway, i will take it up with 'them' as i can get up to 6/7 per day and as my daughter would say...They are doing my head in.

Nothing to report on the dog front. (the site doesn't seem to be being picked up by the search engines yet) Anyway, it's just as well. I am desperately trying to knock my stories into shape.
I sent a few (unsolicited) to some agents at random and one responded in the positive. She asked for more, which I sent, and now she wants me to go to London for a chat and bring the rest. She already has about 60,000 words and I have about another 10,000 ready, everything else is in various stages of production.
I will let you know how it goes.

Beans.

Beans,
In the 100 yard dash that is "getting published and paid for it" you my man are about to breast that tape.
I won't conratulate you yet, except on making this tremendous breakthrough, but it won't be long I'm sure before we all start to HATE you. That's what success does to your friends, y'know.,
Good luck, mate,
Bribrow

Thanks for that but I am not fooling myself about getting published. Using the hundred-yard dash analogy, I am probably about forty yards in. She has to sell this rather quirky bunch of stories to a publisher, and that might give her some headaches. They will probably want a few sex scenes.

Beans.

Sex scenes Beans? I'm your man! In fact, the last two short stories I sold were to a magazine for young ladies who like to read "erotica" They were great fun to write, but unfortunately the magazine folded rather quickly. This was before Viagra became easily available. They paid well, too. £200 a go.
But seriously, I doubt your people will want to introduce raw romance into your kind of stories.
If she wants you to rewrite, do it. She knows her markets and she knows what will sell.
I repeat, good luck mate. You're on your way. Do you have you any idea how small a percentage of triers get that far? Go in with grin and you'll win - I just invented that - not bad, eh?
Bribrow

I once took a young lady who had been…how can I say it…pleasuring herself with a dildo up her bum when it was sucked inside and wouldn’t come back out. The funny bit was that it was still switched on and all the way to hospital it buzzed away furiously while we both pretended to ignore it.
You can use that one as a storyline if you get any more commissions for dubious mags.

Beans.

i meant to say i took a young lady to hospital

I believe you - thanks for the tip.