h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well it's been an enlightening...No. Interesting few... weeks? Months? God, how long have I been away from hootoo? More than a few hours; it feels like years to be honest. I've coped surprisingly well, considering.

Well, in the spirit of random thoughts, mainly 'coz I'm at work and I can't think... why does that keep happening? Perhaps work should be labeled as a mind-altering substance, and banned. Every time I spend too much time at ANY of my workplaces I end up not being able to think properly.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I had some revelations I thought you might be interested to hear. Perhaps.
...
Religion to most people is like a lamppost to a drunk man; more for support and something to lean on than an object of illumination.
The metaphor can be extended even further; the churches can be represented as the council who put in the lampposts (a bit reversed, I know, but bear with me), who can be justified in saying look aren't we good, we provide illumination for the streets! Which is true, but the intended purpose isn't necesarrily the actual use for most of the population.
I'm sure there was more, but my thoughts on that matter grew little wings and flew away.

If you spray hairspray (At least I think it was hairspray) onto carpet, wait for it to dry, and then skate over it with rollerblades on, it catches fire.

Horses can't throw up.
Worms don't get dizzy, even if you put them in the drier.
Cats DO get dizzy, especially if you put them in the drier.
A dizzy cat can throw up twice its own body weight.

If you use a ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the baseball into it a few times before it actually hits.
A double glazed plate glass window does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Ceiling fans make good baseball bats.

The cliches about large corporations being money-hungry machines are all true, especially the cliches about the use of the word 'synergistically'. I should know, I'm working for one right now.
And since my contract ends in... seventeen minutes, I feel I can write what I want about them. They've already broken my contract several times over, and besides, what are they going to do? Seriously? They can't fire me, they can't send me home without pay... basically this could be the cruisiest seventeen minutes ever... if any customers decided to call me.
But they're not. That's okay; it brings its own rewards. Namely, being able to type on hootoo without interruption. Yay!

Not that I can remember the interesting things I was going to write about. I'll just stick to my usual drivel, I guess.

Or not. Run out of words now. See you later!
:D

PS My 12 days of security is almost a good pattern; one key, two swipe cards (was three until about five minutes ago), two jobs, three PIN numbers, three offices, six e-mail addresses, twelve passwords, a plethora of usernames... again there was more, but it must be wing growing season for all the little thoughts of the world.

Heyla Izzent.

Thoughts at this time of year, and morning (I assume it is morning for you) have a nasty tendancy to pop up and then take flight before you realise they are even there, don't they?

religion - hmm, you may be more correct about them being the ones who put up the lamp posts than you think. It had to come from somewhere after all!

Dare I ask how you found out about the hairspray? And what was the cat doing in the tumble drier? One of my freinds managed to get his cat caught in the wash manchine, but I'm afraid it had a less happy ending.

Ceiling fan - this indicated that you might not be in the UK - I can't see much of a use for one for the two days of our summer.

Zantic

have good chrimbo IZ ,zantic try new zealand, or new zealot land depending on who your talking to, on god thread.

so iz not doing overtime to finish unread threads

I'll prove you wrong about the ceiling fans!

how do you know if a worm gets dizzy?
...ask him?

how does the carpet catch fire from rolling over it with a roller blade?

and how did you learn these things?... did you try sticking a car and a worm in the dryer? and using a ceiling fan as a base ball bat?

Friction and solvents I would guess, what with solvents being flammable and all. But if you pour nail varinish remover on your hand and set fire to it, it doesn't work if it's dry. (To my knowledge).

I can imagine a worm going in a drier but I wouldn't like to do the cat. It's a bit mean really. Although so is the worm but if it doesn't get dizzy then I would assume it doesn't care really.

except for the fact that driers get really hot.....
ewww... you'd have to get the little dried out worm out after

my poor cat. this morning my brother took one of the bows off his present and stuck it on her head, but i guess it was too near her eyes and she leapt around trying to get it off with her paws. poor thing. she seemed quite upset about it, and i cant blame her. i gave my brother trouble over it...poor defenceless cat...

and why would you put nail polish remover on your hand and light fire to it?

I could get the worm out after. It's male nature.

Poor cat.

Because I'm crazy. And it burns the NVR rather than the flesh so it doesn't actually hurt as long as you don't keep it lit for more than maybe 30 seconds.

ok... i'll leave fishing out the dried worm to you...

so do you just blow out the flaming NVR?...or does it go out on its own?
...sounds slightly dangerous....

You have to shake it out or it will burn for ages. As gaz found out one time when he sat there trying to blow it out for upto a minute and a half. Shaking it out puts it out relativly quickly.

so... do you keep it in the bottle?

Nah pour it on rocks, walls, hands etc. Things that don't normally burn (or shouldn't). But when it's not in use it's in the bottle.

In fact I've been thinking about how to make some basic explosives, like molotovs with NVR instead of petrol. I can actually think of some quite complex designs but I don't think I'd make them.

er... dont walls usually burn?

"I can actually think of some quite complex designs but I don't think I'd make them."
*looks releived*
oh good.... i like you just the way you are. wiht all your fingers for typing and things like that.

Ye me too. Lol.

Walls only burn if you leave them long enough, light them from the bottom and inside and other stuff. Basically if you put NVR on something it only burns the NVR not what it's on (although it does leave scorch marks).

scorch marks... well there goes the idea of trying it out on my walls here at home.
...actually i woudlnt have tried it on the walls. tempted to go outside and try. but knowing me i probably wont.

Lol. Try it. Like on the Crow. Only he uses oil or something. Shouldn't be a problem on brick though.

well theres a small stone wall in my neighbours yard.... but i dont think he'd appreciate it all that much...
and seeing as these are some of the first nice neighbours we've had i dont think i want to upset him...
after all when we were building my room and discovered the gyprock woudnt fit in the wan he drove us in his truck to get it.... so i think i'll just have to find somewhere else...

Try a school or place of local administration such as police station. Be prepared to run like the dickens!

police station!!!!

....i was in the local police station about 2 days ago.... and annother one today.....

then stop being such a naughty girl