h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I needed somewhere neutral for people to meet and gossip without access to booze. So clearly not a party. I've just put in my weekly wash and have hours to waste watching the clothes tumbling round and round and worrying about that annoying clink that could mean I've left a set of keys in my trouser pocket.

Sit down, put your laundry in and we can put the world to rights.

I don't remember seeing this laundrette here before... still, I'm going to have to wash these clothes sooner or later... I'll give it a go.

*enters laundrette*

Blimey! Vestboy! Lochangel! Errr... fancy meeting you here...

Its a lie and I deny everything - I have never seen this weasel before in my life!

That's all very well, but what about the cheese?

What I choose to wash in this launderette is MY business. Anyway they've installed one of those not quite coffee machines. Anyone want a not quite coffee? I've found a way of hitting it with a sledgehammer which causes it to skip and give you a free drink.

You wouldn't have any not quite tea, would you? Thanking you, ta.

Hello my darling boys - and how are we today?

*raises hat* Radiant, madam, radiant... and you?

Stop calling me madam and have a cup of tea!

Ah, thank you madam.... oh, sorry sir. Beautiful laundrette you have here.

Don't go having cinematic allusions on me!
That hat could do with a good wash, too.
*attention drawn by activity at the other end of the launderette*
Oi you stop bouncing corn snacks off the dryers and catching themin your mouth. They make crumbs!
*back to EV and Lochangel*
They film all of the big Launderette based TV ads in here y'know. We've had umpteen fellers in their underwear in here. I don't mind 'cos its all I ever wear.

Infamy Infamy huh Vestboy?

ahhh it is so nice to be back, thanks for the tea.

Don't want to worry you Vestie old mate, but there's a ferret going round inside that washing machine.

He likes it. Ever since he heard that old music hall song "Don't put your cat in the washing machine missus - You might get a sock in the puss!"

By the way Lochangel - don't you think EV sounded like Sean Connery when he (EV not SC) had his teeth missing in the Restoration forum?

Nahhh he is far sexier then Sean aren't you EV?

*raises one eyebrow* Well... I do my besht, m'dear.

*swoons clean away*

Blimey Vestie, did you see that? Was that me? That copy of "Teach Yourself How To Raise One Eyebrow And Speak With A Lisp" came in pretty useful after all!

I was only using it to prop up the leg of my table until the credit card arrived anyway.