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Tuesday 24 October 2000
Hypoman Started conversation Oct 24, 2000
You remember that girl I was besotted with? It's safer not to name her in case I wax lyrical. She doesn't want to be besotted - leastways not with me - I think. I get that impression, and while it disappoints me, I guess it's better that I accept that - even if it isn't necessarily true - and move on. I just have to face reality and get on with other things than unfulfilled longing... It's hard, though, and I really dislike it, but it's the way life has to be, the world, experience and my emotional integrity all assure (or reassure?) me.
I think life is OK. I am successfully a human being, rather than a human doing. Most people would probably think I should be working harder to make things happen, but in what I suspect to be a true Taoist vein I think that anything I can make happen, with minimal action, is a long way off happening yet. The weather is uncongenial, but at least it's not nasty, as it could be. Friday night, when we hit the town, will be something interesting, I think.
The course is going well, and riding at night is still challenging, even with lights. I won't be able to ride tomorrow, though, because the interview for the C.I.T. job is on at 3.00pm, and I'll have to catch a bus if I'm going to be able to carry all the stuff I need for class afterwards. I think I'll have to walk home tomorrow, but it should be a pleasant walk, as long as it's not actually raining.
Where can I find contentment? My own heart does not have the answers, at present.
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Tuesday 24 October 2000
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