h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Really interesting night, last night.

For a start, there was the next instalment of the fitness instructor's course, where we started to get into biomechanics and the physiology of movement. The real aim of the night was to ground us in exercise programming, and we got to study a whole lot of really interesting exercises and exercise variations that nobody does anymore because of the dangers they pose to posture, muscles and nerves.

Coming home from C.I.T., however, I was riding my bike - in the dark as usual, because I can't afford a light that will allow me to travel as fast on the roads and bike paths as I can without one - when I had the first of two crashes for the evening. The first crash happened because the night was overcast. I'd slowed, considerably, to go around a bend which I couldn't quite see in all the reflected light coming off the clouds, and hit a tree stump, going over my handlebars and landing on my shoulder. Luckily I wasn't moving at speed, so the impact was minimal, and a few scratches were all I really suffered out of it, so I kept coasting down the hill.

The second crash occurred further down the hill, and I was going considerably faster having coasted up to a fair speed, on the flat towards Lyneham. Another cyclist - also without a light - was coming towards me, and I didn't see him until we'd nearly collided. I clipped his handlebars as I passed him, slowing rapidly, but still managed to wobble out into the fence which ran, at that stage, between the bike path and an open storm drain. I landed on the fence, on my neck, which I scratched rather badly, and came down from there onto my right knee, which I took all the skin off, simultaneously bruising my knee cap, I think. The other guy was perfectly pleasant about it - thanks to my last-second steering success he'd managed to stay upright - but I think I was in shock for a while. It took me a few more minutes to get the chain back onto the pedal cog, and then I was riding, considerably more slowly, home again.

I was so dazed and confused by all of this that I forgot to put the garbage out, which annoys me, but I'm glad I finally did make it home. As I said to the other guy after the second crash, "I have to get a light!", but there just aren't any lights around which are reasonable value for money. The light I do get has to be powerful and light enough to allow me to travel at speed, has to have a good enough battery that I can travel for at least four to eight hours at full power without recharging, and has to be affordable (although if it did both those other things it would be affordable at $300, probably!).

Today has started painfully, but because the weather seems to be improving from the overnight and early morning overcast, it's not a bad day, nonetheless. I had blood stains all over my sheets because of weeping wounds. BodyCombat's on tonight - the only time in the week, nowadays, when I get to see Sophie. I'm injured, though, and others seem to want to intrude on my romantic consciousness as well. I wonder how much pain I can stand...?

P.S. I went and put some money down on a light at the local + 1 bike shop, where I bought my bike 20-odd months ago. They also had a peruse of the bike itself, which is undamaged apart from a slight buckling of the front wheel - which could also be due to simple wear and tear. My parents are, with enormous thanks from me, helping me out with the rest of the money for the light, having heard the story about the crash. $190 it costs, for a light that does about two thirds of the job I need it to do. Insufficient, I feel, but still a damn' sight better than nothing...!

P.P.S. I saw Sophie again for the longest time I've seen her in ages, only to realise I'm not going to see her again until the same time next week - if I'm lucky. I was indeed so pleased by seeing her that I thought I'd better stay up and tell people about it, but how can I get her to stand still long enough to talk to...?

Have you considered a guide dog? For the travelling in the dark, that is, not for the getting Sophie to stand still. For the getting Sophie to stand still I recommend slipping extremely heavy weights into her shoes when she's not looking. Of course, you'd have to distract her attention to do so - perhaps by entertaining her by demonstrating your prowess in falling off bikes. In that case, of course, you would need an accomplice to actually slip the weights into the shoes while you are being so distracting, and so I recommend that the guide dog you acquire be well trained.

I can't believe that I'm just GIVING away this valuable advice...

bubster has all the answers.

They may be all the WRONG answers, but he's got em.

I can't believe he's just GIVING 'em away either - there must be a catch...!

Did I mention that he's often wrong?

That's a catch? I thought it was just entertaining...!

Wrong? Often WRONG?

Why I oughta...
I have half a mind...
...and THAT would be the problem right there, I'd suggest.

COMING THIS SUNDAY...Sunday...sunday...

ONE DAY ONLY...Only...only...

COUSIN BUBSTER'S DISCOUNT ADVICE OUTLET...

PRICES SO LOW, WE'RE PRACTICALLY GIVING IT AWAY!!!

WooHoo! No wait... Am I gonna make money out of this?

Dang!

Still, if it's an excuse for longtimenosee-ers to rally round the cause, I'm all for it.

*sings Daisy songs*

COMING THIS SUNDAY...Sunday...sunday

ONE DAY ONLY...Only...only

SINGING COUSIN BUBSTER'S DISCOUNT ADVICE OUTLET

PRICES SO LOW, WE'RE PRACTICALLY GIVING IT AWAY!

(btw, bubs, I'll give you a 10% cut of the profits we make on the free advice, okay?)

*flocks to the store in droves*

GIMMIE ADVICE SINGING BUBSTER!

~Don't take advice from idiots
~La-la-la

*takes that advice and ups it by 20%*

~Don't take advice from 20% bigger idiots
~La-la-la-l

only take 20% of the advice given by big idiots

Can I choose that as part of my 20%...?

It's all yours.

IT'S ALL MINE!

*yoinks it all and eats it*

Yoinks it all and - I'm sorry - EATS it?