h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Based on my own limited personal experience and observation, I have concluded that mutual love between a man and a woman is a fable. It sells trashy romance novels and advertising time between segments of trashier soap operas, but that is its only useful function. The myth is as old as civilization, and has been used as a literary device by everyone from Shakespeare, to Sappho of Lesbos, to the authors of the Old Testament. But I can't seem to find any examples in real life.

People think it is a modern problem, with new words like "starter marriage" entering the lexicon and divorce rates reaching astronomical heights. It is not a modern problem. In the days of yore, people got married for very practical reasons, mostly economic. People generally had little choice in who they married, especially the women. They stayed together forever because seperating just didn't happen. It was not an option, and so as she became cold and distant or he became drunk and abusive, they just dealt with it and lived on together miserably. It is only because divorce is now an option that people opt to divorce with such alacrity.

Today people get married just to get married, it seems, because it is in trend or because they feel it is their obligation. Or they do it just because they fear growing older and being unable to find someone, and spending their lives alone and forgotten. I've known so many people who married people that they weren't really in love with. I've even been pressured into marrying people I never wanted to marry. It's a good thing I'm nearly immune to peer pressure, or I might not be able to afford the computer I am typing this on for the alimony and child-support payments.

Now, I've seen all the bad examples and listened to the advice of those who have screwed up their lives, and I have vowed not to make their mistakes. So I refuse to walk the aisle and say the words with someone who I have doubts over. I must be convinced, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that not only am I doing it for all the right reasons, but so is she. And as I see all my old friends settling for Mr./Ms. Right Now, I still continue the search for the elusive Ms. Right. And I am having soooo much difficulty in my search.

You would think that it would be easy to find the right girl. I am, after all, all modesty aside (something I have very little trouble with ), quite a catch myself. Physically, I'm tall, rather on the thin side, but all of what I have is solid muscle. Women do find me attractive. I have a powerful intellect, an excellent sense of humor (although it finds few outlets on this site), and am generally very personable, outgoing, energetic, and pleasant to have around. And my standards are not astronomical. I simply want someone who I can find physically attractive, and is intelligent enough to at least understand me, and is generally pleasant and enjoyable to be around.

On a few occasions, I have come across a potential Ms. Right. For reasons unknown to me, they find me repellant. They are quite content to allow me into their Friend Zone, but I am forbidden anything more. There have also been women who have found me to be their Mr. Right, and they run the gamut. There was the pretty young girl without a brain in her head. There was the very attractive and brilliant woman who lost her train pass to Reality. And there has been more than one intelligent and interesting woman that I just didn't find physically attractive. I could have married any one of these, and spent my life miserable, but not alone. And as I slowly creep up on the big three-oh, I wonder how much longer it will be until I settle for Ms. Right Now.

Hear hear brother!
Or are we turning from romantic young fools into jaded cynical slightly older ones?

Still fools, apparently. Sometimes I admire the people who rotate through one relationship after another, with no particular attachment. They have no illusions about what they do. I always thought that they were giving up their right to something greater, but what the hell has being a romantic gotten me?

It's when those types settle down and you end up going to their wedding and wondering what the hell is more of a scary thought I find.
Over the last few years as I've been going to the weddings of people I was close friends with at university I do begin to wonder what I'm doing and what I'm actually after. Oh well at least the weddings provide good party opportunities

Wow. THAT bad? Just be glad my mom doesn't come to this site, or else you'd get a horrendous lecture of HER point of view on that topic...

Well, at least you have charm. Most guys completely ignore me, probably due to the fact that I have "nerd" practically written all over me. *sigh* Oh well...

I think your mom already did cover that. And I think she points out the fact that her and your dad were friends long before they decided to marry at least once every time I see her.

As for the guys, I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. Do you remember what I looked like when I was 15? If not, allow me to draw you a picture... 35lbs lighter than I am now, ratty clothes, pimply face, and I was still shorter than most of the girls at school. Oh, and lets not forget the hair... anyone with hair as thick and straight as mine should *never* let it get that long. I was officially certified as Chick Repellant my sophomore year. You're way further ahead of the game than I was... all I can see that you lack is self-cnfidence.

OK. I'll shut up now.

My heart skipped a beat when I first read this. Until I saw the nom-de-plume of the author, the story reminded me of one I love dearly. In this rant, I would be the very attractive and brillant woman who lost the train pass to Reality. This entry truly sounds like the voice of desperation. Have you settled yet, Colonel?

Yes, as a matter of fact, Missed Train and I settled out of court for a Slinky and a few strings of sheckels... well, actually, a few strings of steel washers.

Desperation hasn't set in quite yet, but after a recent flame-out while engaging a potential Ms. Right, I needed to vent. Besides, that sort of thing inspires way more introspection than can be healthy. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm not desperate. I can handle being alone far better than being with someone I don't like.

Very attractive and brilliant, did you say?...

Why, yes, I did say...Don't get me wrong, I missed the Reality train not because of any inherent looniness but because of a former drug and alcohol problem.
I noticed that you are on the faculty of the Department of History at the University of Life. Coincidentally, I have a degree in History...

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Language, Colonel. If it's the American Revolution project you're referencing, no thanks. My area of expertise is 19th/Early 20th Century American History and Historic Preservation (I know researches can work on just about any subject they want, though). Me and my butt will wander on over to the Department and check out any opportunites...
In the meantime, tell me more about thee...

Bite me buddy.
Love the Phish and the Wench.


P.S. How are the Psyco-b*tches anyway?