Posted Oct 30, 2006
Somebody said something mildly unkind to me today. Rather than handling the issue personally, I think some poor-me hand-wringing and complaining to my friends will do instead. Perhaps they can help me blow it way out of proportion. It seems to be the most popular method for dealing with such things.
Just Another Example
Posted Sep 2, 2005
Of why I am disgusted to count myself a member of the human race.
When natural disasters happen elsewhere in the world, it's a mobilizing and unifying moment in the world. When it happens to the United States, the rest of the world starts laughing.
Pistachio Mugwump, the Conclusion
Posted Jan 31, 2005
The genetic combination formerly known as Pistachio was delivered safe and healthy on Friday, Jan 28th, at 8:31am. Momma and Baby Mugwump are both home now and doing just fine.
Mrs. Mugwump and I originally went to the hospital at around 10:00pm Tuesday because Baby Mugwump had been very inactive over the previous 24 hours. She was hooked up to a monitor and we found that Momma was already having contractions on a regular basis, but couldn't feel them yet. We walked her around a bit and the contractions got intense enough that she could feel them, but nothing much was happening so we were sent home. Before leaving, we had a rather strenuous argument with a dim bitch of a nurse who couldn't seem to get her head around the fact that, though we had indeed noticed our daughter's lack of movement on Tuesday and it was now Wednesday, it had only been Wednesday for about an hour. Before that, she gave us some fun-filled moments where we would ask a straightforward question, and she would answer some different one we hadn't asked. Luckily we didn't see her again. We left the hospital at around 1:30am and tried to get some sleep.
Wednesday, 5:00am, we went back to Labor & Delivery. Momma's contractions had been consistent, and less than 4 minutes apart, all night. Clearly, this was real labor. But she was checked, and there wasn't any dilation happening, so we were sent home again.
Wednesday, 9:30pm, and we're back in Labor & Delivery. Momma's contractions have remained consistent for nearly 24 hours now, and they're so painful she can barely stand them. Again, same result... Momma isn't dilating, and we're sent home. At this point we're getting very annoyed, because they keep giving us the same conditions we should be looking for before we come back, and one of the conditions has been fulfilled for the past 24 hours.
Thursday, 9:15am, Momma goes in for her weekly prenatal check-up. Neither of us have slept in the past two days due to her contractions, though at least I was able to pick up sleep in 4-minute bursts in between contractions. At around 8:00am this morning, though, her contractions started spacing themselves out to about 6-8 minutes apart, so she's getting a little respite. At the exam, the doctor gives us the first positive news we've heard yet. Although Momma still isn't dilated very much, she's dilated a bit more. But she should expect to finish thinning out the uterus before it dilates, and the thinning is pretty much done. He doesn't expect us back for another prenatal next week.
Thursday, 7:00pm, we're back in Labor & Delivery. Momma's contractions are still not back in the <5 minute time frame, but they've been ongoing for so long that she can no longer stand it. She's crying with each one. Momma still isn't dilating, but at least they're able to give her a shot of pain medicine that relieves her pain. I take her home around 9:30 hoping she'll get the first sleep she's had in 2 days.
Friday, 12:30am, we're back in Labor & Delivery for the 5th time. Momma's pain shot had worn off less than 30 minutes after we got home, and now the contractions are coming so quickly that she can't even tell when one ends and the next begins. She's already dilated to 6 centimeters, meaning things are suddenly happening very fast. We are definitely not being sent home again. Momma is given another shot of pain relief while they prepare her an epidural. The epidural is so successful she loses control of her legs, but her pain is gone, and her and I both take a little nap.
Around 6:30am or so, she is determined to be fully dilated, and the baby is laboring down through the birth canal. Momma's epidural is turned off so she'll regain control of her legs. The water bag hasn't broken on its own yet, so it's broken for her. A little green coloration indicates that Baby Mugwump has taken a dump inside Momma, and it'll have to be cleaned out before Baby starts breathing, or it can cause a pneumonia-like lung infection. But Baby is already so far down the birth canal that they can't get a suction hose in there to clean it out. We're informed it'll have to be done in the delivery room, when Baby's head is out but before she's fully delivered.
At 7:35, Momma has regained enough feeling in her lower body, and the baby is just about ready to go. The nurse begins to coach her through the initial pushing stage. This is going amazingly well, so much so that, despite the fact that she's taking her time and there have been many breaks, the head is poking out and they're wheeled into the delivery room around 8:00am.
In the delivery room, I'm juggling three things. In my left hand I've got my wife's leg, which I'm pushing towards her at each contraction to help her with her own pushes, as she still doesn't have a lot of strength in her legs. A nurse is on the other side doing the same. In my right I have the video camera, and I'm struggling to keep the angles clean, as we'd decided long ago that the gory details need not be available for family viewing. And yet, I'm fascinated, so I've got to keep the camera pointed one way while I'm looking the other.
After several minutes of concentrated pushing, the head pops out. Momma is told to stop pushing while the midwife runs a suction hose into Baby's nostrils and mouth. This goes on for a minute or two, but comes to a sudden and abrupt end when, amazingly, Baby manages to pop her own arm and shoulder out, and tries to pull herself the rest of the way out.
Baby is delivered the rest of the way at that point, since there is no sense in waiting. She cries immediately, but she's put on a warmer for the ritual torture. Her nose and mouth are vacuumed further and she gets a shot in the butt, followed by a cold thermometer. In this miserable state she is finally wrapped and placed in my arms. I say a few words to her, and she recognizes my voice and immediately calms down, looking at me with those dark blue (certainly sure to be shit brown soon) eyes, and she's wrapped me around her little finger.
Baby is 8 pounds, 14 ounces, and 20 inches long at birth. As the shoulder maneuver indicates, she's very strong for a newborn. Already in the delivery room she is picking up her head and holding it up for a minute or so at a time. She's tracking objects with her eyes, and she already rolls over to her side for the first time before she's a couple hours old.
Momma still hasn't gotten any sleep, but this afternoon it looks like we've solved Baby's problems of getting enough to eat, and sleeping on her own. Besides... who wants to sleep?
I had a dream last night
Posted Nov 3, 2004
I dreamed that I was in bed last night when I was awakened by a terrible noise. I looked out the window and saw chimpanzees everywhere. They were screeching and howling, and flinging feces in every direction. But there were some oddly human behaviors, too. Quite a few were drinking alcohol, tipping the bottles down their throats and spilling it down their faces. Some even had guns, which they were waving and firing in a celebratory manner reminiscent of the Old West. But, being chimps, they failed to keep them pointed upwards. Several chimps got shot. It didn't seem to bother the shooters, nor dampen the spirits of the injured.
Then I realized I was awake. It wasn't a dream. Through a sleepy haze I had misinterpreted the scene. They were not chimps, but Bush voters.
And that's when I knew we were facing four more years.
This is why God created the internet
Posted Oct 1, 2004
So we could have things like JohnKerryIsADouchebagButImVotingForHimAnyway.com. http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com/
Incidentally, he is kind of a douchebag. But I'm voting for him anyway.