h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

t'was the night after christmas, still reeling from the previous days festivies, i encountered an unopened bottle, and the German Mass (shoooebert I believe) and god almighty it blew me away, it brought a tear to my wallet! it was just one of those moments that brings you closer to the source, then it ended so i poured myself an medium sized whiskey (as the title) and sipped a sip of this nectar of the gods, the next track started, Vaughn Willians, and again i was just stopped in my tracks, like some sound track from some merchant and ivory film, it was spinning, the tension was building, my body was just beginning to comprehend what the tension was doing to me, another sip and it was great, phew almost as good as sex i thought, but with out the damp bits, and then it happened......................... I thought a Squib is required, danger is not a thing i step back from, I got up and went to my squib store and got a rather large bugger out, i extended the fuse and then with the music still filling my head, walked outside. it was just getting dark, the perfick time i decided to place the squib in the centre of the garden and ran the fuse back a safe distance, I lied down behind the small statue of Diana we have in the garden and lit the fuse, phssssssssss and then i rolled down in to the dip in the garden, just incase, which was a good thing cus all hell broke lose, i'ed picked the wrong fuse it was a link fuse, not a long burn type, it was of the the type you put to link the squibs as so they go off together during a display, so i'm lucky as the first layer has decided to fire off just over my head, thats strange i thought, they bounce off the side of the house and everyone inside is running for cover, I start to snigger and then i relies that I must have put the squib on its side and i'll have to turn it over! I find the chlose line prop and then running the prop out on the ground I push the squib around so the stuff is'ent being fired at the house, thats coolio I think, but the squib is slow turning around back at the house, every time a sparkler gets fired out it turns so i sneak up on it from behind with a big stone so i place the stone on it to stop it turning, i placed it on it, it then flicks up so the bloody sparklers are now being fired up in my direction, i can remember thinking this is not good, then BOOOOOOM i remember falling back and then nothing! then the misses being all nice and then the misses being artistic and sensitive and calling me a complete and utter idiot, and stupid and some more stuff, i snigger because its funny and then i notice my face I have small burn marks all over it like chicken pox I snigger some more, then Dave says got another one I missed most of that one, i was hiding behind the sofa, and then the misses said MEN!



RJR